I’ll
Come Back for
You
By
Pat L.
It was supposed to be a routine bust. They had been chasing Martin "Digits" Gordon around the city for six months. Digits was far more intelligent than the usual number's runner that Starsky and Hutch usually encountered. Every time the two detectives tracked his location down, he moved it to another abandoned storefront on their beat. They would have gladly turned Digits and his operation over to Vice except for one small fact: Digits was in direct competition with Emile Parouche. Emile knew just how far he could push Starsky and Hutch, and was careful not to cross the line. He had also given the two men valuable information on several occasions. Digits, on the other hand, made it plain that number's running was only a beginning for him. He intended to have his hand in every money-making scheme that was available, whether the detectives liked it or not. He also didn't care if he stepped on any one else's toes or not. To preserve the shaky peace on their beat, they had made putting Digits behind bars their top priority.
Emile was the one who gave them their first real break. He had called the evening before and given them the location of Digit's latest headquarters. They had immediately went to Captain Dobey with the information. Less than twelve hours later, they were in front of the old building, waiting for the uniformed officers assigned to back them up to get into position.
As soon as the teams gave the go-ahead, Starsky and Hutch quietly entered the back door. Digits had a habit of working alone in the small office in the back of the store. Digits didn't trust his employees any more than he did the police. The two detectives quietly approached the office door. After they positioned themselves on opposite sides of the door, Hutch reached for the door knob. However, before he could test the door, Digits opened it and walked out. The first person Digits saw was the uniformed cop that was just entering the building. He threw the papers he was holding toward Starsky and started running, with the two detectives in hot pursuit.
Digits yelled, "Cops!" and ran toward the other end of the building.
Instantly, shots erupted from around the building. Starsky, Hutch, and the uniformed police officers immediately took cover.
Taking time out from returning fire, Hutch called to Starsky. "Where the Hell did all these goons come from?"
"Beats me! Looks like Digits decided to keep a few bodyguards around after all."
Starsky ducked down behind a wooden crate and called to one of the uniforms.
"Hey, Charlie, call in for more back up, will you?"
"Already did that, Starsky. They're on the way."
Starsky nodded to himself, then looked around again. "Hey, Hutch, where'd Digits go?"
"I don't know. I can't see him from here."
“Terrific," Starsky grunted. "Well, he sure ain't gettin' away. Cover me, Hutch!"
When Hutch fired a volley of shots, Starsky ran in the same direction Digits had. As he ran, he noticed that it was harder and harder to find shelter to protect him from the shots that were being fired. He heard Hutch's Magnum firing over his head and zig-zagged his way toward the back door of the old building.
Hutch quickly reloaded and resumed shooting as he watched Starsky run toward the door. He had counted three or four different weapons being fired from inside the building. He concentrated on those areas as he provided cover fire for his partner.
Starsky was almost to the door when shots were fired from a new direction. Hutch watched in horror as Starsky plunged to the floor.
"STAARRSKY!! Noooo!"
*He's dead.* The thought rose unbidden in his mind.
*No. He's hurt. I have to get to him.*
Hutch fired frantically in the air, trying to flush the gunman out of his hiding place. He ran a few steps toward Starsky, then flattened himself against a support post. His eyes searched the dimly lit room for movement. He waited impatiently for the gunman to show himself.
*Come on! I can't wait here forever. I have to get to Starsky. I have to help him.*
*He's dead. You can't help him now.*
*No! He's hurt. That's all. He can't be dead.*
He refused to listen to the grim voice in his head. "Starsky! Can you hear me? Starsky! I'm coming!"
*It's too late. He's gone. There's nothing you can do.*
*No!! I can help him if I can get to him. He's not dead! He can't be dead.*
With a final cry, Hutch ran toward his fallen partner. He fired at the shadows haphazardly. He heard a loud grunt as one of his bullets found a target at last. He left the wounded suspect to the other officers as he ran for Starsky. He collapsed on one knee beside him and cautiously reached out to touch him.
Starsky's shirt was saturated with blood. Hutch took off his own jacket and gently put in under Starsky's head.
Without looking up, he yelled, "Call an ambulance! Now!"
For the first time, he was conscious of the men standing behind him. He felt a hand on his shoulder.
"He's gone, Hutch. I'm sorry. It's too late."
Hutch shook his head. "No! He can't be dead." He looked up at the sympathetic face. "He can't be dead. He didn't say good-bye."
Hutch walked slowly into the somber room. He didn't notice the soft carpet, or the muted lighting. His eyes were on the modest casket at the end of the aisle. He gazed fondly at the dark curls that rested on the silk pillow. He smiled slightly at the face he had cherished for so long.
(Did you ever know that you're my hero, and everything I'd like to be?)
*He looks so peaceful. Just like he's asleep.*
(I want you to know I know the truth. I would be nothing without you.)
*He's asleep, that's all. He'll wake up any second now.*
(I can fly higher than an eagle, for you are the wind beneath my wings.)
*He's dead. He'll never wake up again.*
*No! I'll show you. Come on, Starsky. That's your cue. It's time to open your eyes and sit up. It's time to say, "I gotcha, Blintz. I really fooled you this time, didn't I?" Please get up, Starsk. Don't leave me.*
Captain Dobey and Huggy caught him as he swayed. As they led him past the empty seats, he looked back over his shoulder.
*Wake up, Starsky. Please wake up.*
The funeral was a blur. The service was a mixture of familiar sounds and unfamiliar words. Hutch wondered who had made the arrangements. Was it Rachel, or Starsky's Aunt Rosie? He thought briefly that it didn't matter. At times, if he concentrated real hard, he could hear what the Rabbi was saying.
"Preceded in death by his father...survived by his mother, one brother, aunts and uncles."
*A partner, a friend, a heart, a soul. How do I live without my soul, Starsk?*
"Taken from us much too soon. Made the greatest sacrifice a man can make. In a better place now."
They didn't ask him to be a pall-bearer. They probably knew he wouldn't have the strength.
*My strength is in that casket.*
He sat underneath the awning and looked through the walls of the casket. How could those violet blue eyes remain forever closed? He listened to the quiet tears of the family that surrounded him. He sensed, rather than felt, Rachel's hand on his. He looked down at the large, dark brown hand that rested on his knee, and realized that Dobey was kneeling beside him. The ebony hands that clasped his shoulders must have been Huggy's. He spared a brief moment to look up. Huggy tried to smile through his tears in an attempt to reassure him.
He could hear what the Rabbi was saying, but the words were unfamilar and too far away to understand. From his own mind, he heard more familiar phrases.
(Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death; I will fear no evil; for thou art with me)
*Don't leave me, Starsk. Come back. Take me with you.*
He watched as they lowered the casket into the ground. Huggy and Dobey supported him as he bent down to grab a handful of dirt. He threw the dirt onto the casket and stepped back. He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer of his own.
*Dear God in Heaven, what do I do now?*
Hutch stood on his balcony and shivered in the darkness. Was it really chilly out here, or was the cold coming from inside? How could he feel warmth with only half a heart, or soul? He looked down at the sidewalk under the balcony. How far down was it? Funny, he'd never thought about that before. His eyes searched the sky above him.
(For all those times you stood by me. For all the truth you made me see.)
*Are you up there, Starsk? What do you think? Would it be enough?*
(You're the one who held me up; never let me fall.)
*If I could be sure. If it would be clean, I could do it.*
(You were my strength when I was weak.)
*I need you, Starsky. I don't think I can do this alone.*
(I'm everything I am because you loved me.)
Hutch clenched his fists. "Damn you, Starsky. Why did you have to leave me?"
He watched the stars for a moment more, then closed his eyes. He didn't expect an answer; there was no answer that would satisfy him.
"Do you think I wanted to leave you, Hutch?"
Hutch opened his eyes and stared at the form standing beside him. He knew it was impossible. It couldn't be...
"Starsky? How can it be? Am I dead, too? Or am I just crazy?"
The opaque form of his partner shook his head and smiled slightly. "Neither. I'm sorry that I scared you, but I couldn't let you go on thinking what you were thinking. Don't do it, Hutch. It won't work."
Hutch looked at the form and said accusingly, "You didn't say good-bye."
"There wasn't time, Hutch. I didn't know it was going to happen. Sometimes we aren't given a warning, you know that. That's why I'm here now, to say good-bye."
Hutch reached out to caress the face of his friend, but his hand went through him.
He barely whispered the words. "I can't touch you."
"I know. My body is gone. You saw them put me in the ground today. I guess what you see now is my spirit, if that's what you believe in. I shouldn't have come, but I couldn't leave you like this. You have to go on, Hutch. You can't stop living just because I did. Terry said the same thing to me, but I didn't know what she meant until now."
"And what if I don't want to go on, Starsky? I can go on breathing and my heart can go on beating, but is that all life is? Where is the joy, the laughter, the tears or the pain? What if I don't have the strength to go it alone?"
Starsky grinned that familiar grin. "You won't be alone, partner. You ain't gettin' rid of me that easily. All you have to do is think of me, and I'll be right beside you. I know it won't be the same, but it won't be forever, either. When it's time, I'll come back for you."
"When, Starsk? How long do I have to wait?"
Starsky shook his head sadly. "I don't know. Like I said, we don't always have a warning. I do know one thing, though. You won't go before your time. That's why I had to stop you from trying anything drastic. If it's not your time to go, all you'll do is hurt yourself. Look, I know we never talked much about fate, or destiny. I don't know if you even believe in that stuff.
I didn't know I was going to die, and I sure wasn't prepared for what happened afterward. All I can do now is help you with the pain. You were right, Hutch. I know you were just joking when you said it, but it is hardest on those who are left behind. Please just know that I didn't want it to end like that. I mean, I figured I would die on the job, and not because of something meaningless. I always imagined we'd at least have time to say good-bye first. Hang in there, Hutch. Let Dobey and Huggy help you. Live your life the best way you can, and when it's time, we'll be together again. I CAN promise you that much."
The transparent form of his partner started to fade. Hutch tried to grasp Starsky's shoulder, but again, couldn't touch him.
“Starsky, wait! Don't go! Please, not yet!"
"I have to go, Hutch. Don't be sad any more, Blintz. Remember, I'll come back for you. I promise."
A few days later, Hutch sat at the bar in the Pits, talking to Huggy. He knew that his friend was worried about him and tried to ease his fears.
"I'm doing OK, Hug. Things will never be the same again, but I'm not going to do anything stupid. So you can quit worrying now, and quit watching me like I'm going to break into a million pieces."
"I know you're going to be OK, bro, but I know what you have to be feeling now. Starsky was my friend, too. He left a big, empty hole in all of us. Even a blind man could see how close you two were. How can you have Yin without the Yang? Just know that you don't have to put on a brave act around here. If you're hurtin', say so. I'll be there whenever you need me."
Hutch smiled sadly. "I know that, Hug. I always knew it. Maybe we didn't say it enough, but we always thought of you as family. It does hurt, so much sometimes that I don't know if I can handle the pain. Then I'll think of Starsky, of something he did or said, and I'll be OK again. All I have to do is think of him, and it's like he's still with me."
"I'm glad that helps you, Hutch, but don't dwell on him. He's gone and nothing can bring him back. You have to accept that."
For just a moment, Hutch's ice-blue eyes twinkled. "I haven't lost my hold on reality, Hug. I haven't been hanging out at Madam Ayrab's. He'll always be a part of me, that's all."
Huggy smiled back. "You got that right, m'man. When we got nothing else, we still got our memories."
Two weeks after the funeral, Hutch walked into Captain Dobey's office and announced that he was ready to come back on duty. Dobey hadn't looked forward to that day. There was still the question of what to do with the surviving partner of the team that had been almost a legend in the precinct. The Captain only suggested once that Hutch accept a new partner. The arctic glare in those ice-blue eyes stopped him in mid-sentence. So, he switched tactics and convinced the blonde detective to take the Lieutenant's exam. A promotion would get him off the street and allow him to work alone. However, Hutch threw his own curve when he asked to be put in charge of the SWAT team. Dobey wasn't at all sure he was ready for that kind of responsibility. Hutch's only question convinced his Captain to give it a try.
"Do you honestly think I'd put anyone under my command at risk, Captain?"
"Of course not. All right, you'll report here tomorrow morning. I'll have Lieutenant Rogers start going over the case files and personnel records with you. That way, when he retires next month, you'll be prepared to take over."
The following months flowed quietly for the new commander. No one called him 'Hutch' any more, except Captain Dobey and Huggy. Somehow, it just didn't seem right. He was simply the 'Lieutenant' to the men that worked with him. He quickly gained the reputation of being fair, but strict. His men's safety was his top priority. Although he seemed aloof at times, and wore his sadness like a second skin, he was always there for them. It was only before an assignment that he seemed to come alive. He was calm, but determined. Some of the people closest to him swore sometimes that they could sense another presence beside him, giving the lieutenant strength.
One day, as fall was drawing near, the call came out to the SWAT team. A sniper had hidden himself in one of the tall buildings down town and started firing. Hutch rode in the van with his men, and pulled up behind the row of black and whites that lined the street. Captain Dobey had followed them.
"What have we got, Frank?"
"The suspect started shooting about ten minutes ago, Lieutenant. One citizen is dead, and three more are on their way to the hospital. The best fix we can get is he's up on the fifteenth floor of that building."
Hutch looked in the direction Frank was pointing. He shook his head, frustrated. The sniper could see the whole down town section from up there.
"Have you managed to contact any one in the building?"
"Yes, sir. The building manager's on site. He said everyone was too scared to get out, so I told him to tell them lock up and stay away from the doors and windows. I know that still gives him access to possible hostages, but that's the best we could do for right now. If a bunch of people start running from the building, the sniper could open fire again."
"Exactly. You did the right thing, Frank. What about the hostage negotiators? Have they had any luck?"
"Not so far, Lieutentant. Every time they try to talk to him, he just opens fire. He hasn't said a word, yet."
"OK, let me give it a try. Meanwhile, make sure you keep all these people back. We don't want to give him any more targets."
"Yes, sir."
Hutch took the bullhorn from Mike Clananhan and turned up the volume.
"You up there, in the building! We've got you surrounded. There's a SWAT team here, and about a dozen patrol cars. There's no way we're going to let you walk away. Throw out your weapon and we'll talk."
The only answer he got was three shots fired in rapid succession. Hutch shrugged.
"Well, if that's the way he wants it, we'll go to plan B. Harv, you go up on the top of that building, and Jameson, you go to that one. Keep under cover. When you get up there, let me know. I'll see if I can get him to fire again. As soon as we can get a clear shot, take him out. Don't kill him unless you have to, but take him down. I don't want anyone else hurt."
The two men saluted quickly, then ducked and ran. Minutes later, they radioed that they were in position. Hutch turned to the remaining members of his team.
"All right, spread out. When I give the signal, open fire. We have to draw him out into the open. If we can get him near the window, we'll have a chance of getting him before he kills anyone else."
"Yes, sir!"
The team scattered, using the patrol cars as cover. Unfortunately, before Hutch could put his own bullet proof vest on, or give the signal to begin firing, several things happened at once.
Suddenly, an object rolled past him and onto the deserted street. He barely had time to register the fact that it was a ball; a bright red ball with a shiny white stripe through the middle. He stared at it in disbelief. Before he could react, he heard a woman scream behind him.
"Mandy, no! Oh God, my baby! Somebody, catch her!"
He stood transfixed as the tiny figure ran after her ball. He saw the dark curls and the blue dress running straight toward death. As if a rubber band had snapped, he leaped after the child. His bullet proof vest lay on the street beside him, forgotten.
"Hutch, look out!"
He heard Dobey's cry of warning a second before he felt the bullet slam into his body. Seconds later, he heard the sound of the shot. Several more shots rang out as his men returned fire.
After that, the street was alive with people running in every direction. The little girl was returned safely to her mother, and the sniper was handcuffed and put into a car. Hutch's men gathered around him. Dobey kneeled down beside his former detective.
"Hang on, Hutch. The ambulance is on it's way."
"It's OK, Cap. They don't have to hurry. Is the kid all right?"
"She's fine, Hutch. You just lay quiet. We've got everything under control."
“I know, Cap. Everything's going to be all right now."
His blue eyes twinkled as he watched the beloved face form beside him.
He whispered the name. "Starsky."
"It's me, partner. I told you I'd come back."
Hutch reached out his hand and caressed the other's cheek. He smiled for the first time in months.
"I can touch you."
"Yes. It's time, Hutch. You can relax now. We'll be together again, forever this time."
His hand dropped to his chest, and the ice-blue eyes closed for the last time. The men that were gathered around their fallen leader stepped back, sensing the presence beside him.
Hutch stood beside his partner and watched the still form on the ground. He could feel the sadness of his men.
He turned to his friend. "They're a good bunch of men, Starsk. I'll miss them."
"I know. I miss Dobey and Huggy, too, but they'll be OK. Life goes on, Hutch. That's just the way it is."
Starsky started walking and Hutch followed a step behind. "Where are we going?"
Starsky grinned back over his shoulder. "Where do you think? Don't worry, you won't need an air conditioned suit, if that's what you're thinkin'."
Hutch breathed a sigh of relief. "OK, I'm glad that's settled. How far do we have to go?"
"Not far." He reached out and touched the blonde's shoulder. "Don't be afraid, Hutch."
(You're here, there's nothing I fear. We'll stay forever this way.)
Hutch smiled. "I'm not afraid, Starsk."
(You're safe in my heart and my heart will go on and on.)
They walked in companiable silence for a while, then Hutch noticed something about his friend.
"Hey, Starsk, you look different. Not really younger, but different. I don't know how to explain it."
"It's easy, Blintz. There's no more pain, no more fear, no more sadness. It's peaceful here. You'll see. It's like being set free."
Hutch walked a little farther, then stopped and looked down again.
"What's wrong, Hutch?"
The blonde man shook his head. "It's just so sudden. I mean, there's still so much to be done."
"I know, but it's time for someone else to carry on the fight. We've done our job. We can rest now."
"But who will take over, Starsk?"
"Look down and you'll see."
Hutch did as he was told. At first, the scene was blurred, but then the mists cleared away. He could see a young girl sitting on her bed, crying. He looked closer and saw that it was Rosie Dobey. She was holding a picture and talking to it.
"Rosie?"
Starsky smiled and nodded. "She's her father's daughter. She'll make him proud."
"Funny, I would have thought it would be Cal."
"Cal has another destiny. Don't worry, he'll make his dad proud, too."
"She's crying, Starsky. It's hard to see her hurting like that."
"I know. Come on, we can help her, but watch what you say. We can't tell her what the future holds. It has to be her own decision."
Rosie was holding the picture of her two "uncles" and remembering all the times they had spent together.
"It's not fair! Why did you have to die? You didn't get to see me graduate from High School, or get married, or have a baby. I wish I could see you just one more time."
Starsky smiled gently and said, "Don't worry Rosie, we'll still see you do those things, and more."
"Uncle David? Uncle Ken? How can this be? Am I dreaming?"
"That's right, sweetheart. Remember that old line? A dream is a wish your heart makes?"
Hutch grinned at his friend. "Good one, Starsk."
"Shhh," Starsky grinned back. "We'll always be here for you, Rosie. All you have to do is think of us, and we'll be right by your side."
"I like that, Uncle Dave. That makes it easier. I wish I could have said good-bye, though."
"You don't have to say good-bye, honey. Just say, I'll see you later."
Rosie smiled through her tears. Then she straightened her shoulders. "I know what I want to be now. I want to be a detective, just like you two were. But, what if my dad won't let me?"
Hutch smiled at her. "Oh, I think if you talk to your dad, he'll listen. If it's really what you want, he'll understand. I'm sure he'll be proud of you and Cal, no matter what you do."
"Do you really think so? I'll make him proud, I promise. I'll be the best detective he's ever known. Just like you."
Starsky smiled again. "We know you will, honey. We'll always be there for you. All you have to do is think about us."
"I will, Uncle Dave. I'll never forget you. I promise." Rosie lay back on her bed, cradling their picture.
Starsky turned to Hutch and asked, "So, buddy, what do you want to do now?"
Hutch thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. There weren't any murders to solve, no drug dealers to bust, and no robberies to stop. Finally, they were out of a job.
"I don't know, Starsk. This is going to take some getting used to."
Starsky nodded understandingly. "It's OK, you have an eternity to get used to it."
They started walking and suddenly Starsky turned around to face his friend.
Still walking backwards, he said, "Hey, you want to go camping?"
Hutch looked at Starsky, astonished. "I never thought I'd hear you say THAT, buddy."
Starsky grinned that thousand watt grin. "Take a look around you, Blintz. Ain't nothin' to be afraid of here."
Hutch took in the tranquil scene around them, and nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right, partner."
Starsky threw his arm around Hutch's shoulder. "Be careful of the snakes, though. They can be pretty sneaky."
Two pairs of blue eyes
Windows of the soul.
Two souls separated by flesh
Brought together by love
One heart
to share
through all eternity
***********************************************************************
Acknowledgements:
Wind Beneath My Wings- sang by Bette Midler from "Beaches
Because You Loved Me- sang by Celine Dion
My Heart Will Go On- sang by Celine Dion from "Titanic"
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." Psalms 23:4