By: Jon Thomas

Richmond, Virginia - Our nation's newly elected president's inaugural gala began with his sweaing in on the steps of the state capitol. A cool northerly breeze swept across the capitol grounds on the otherwise beautiful late winter day in the Virginia capital. A crowd of thousands witnessed as the new president took the Oath of Office and gave is first speech to the Confederacy.

President Gallatin opened his address by thanking first Mr. Whipple of South Carolina for a well fought campaign. He went on to thank his supporters and the citizens of the Confederacy for their faith in his leadership.

He called upon all southerners to lay their political differences aside, and rally to their right to "determine their destiny." He went on to declare that "this is only the end of the beginning."

The president gave warning that war with the North is a distinct possibility, as talk of war coming from the North has been steadily increasing of late. Seemingly speaking to any Unionists in attendance, he stated that "No body willfully seeks confrontation, and we, a Confederacy of seven states, are not seeking to grab territories nor do we harbor animosity toward our northern brethren but we will not shrink from defense of our citizens, our homeland, our Confederacy."

Reiterating his platform of states rights, industrialization, expansion, growth, and unity, the president reminded the people that this was not merely political rhetoric, but the foundation of the national beliefs.

Again, apparently speaking to anti-secessionists, he warned that "we be allowed to persue these worthy goals in peace, but will defend our rights to achieve them should it be necessary."

He closed his speech with four simple words: "Let's get to work."

As he left the podium, the crowd chanted "Long Live the Confederacy!" for several minutes after he left their view.

See page 2 for the complete text of President Gallatin's Inaugural Address.

By: I.C. de Lyte

Richmond, Virginia - Seen as a means of strengthening the Confederacy's resolve, President Gallatin named Mr Don Clawson of the Carolina Whig Party as his vice president. In a brief statement in the capitol rotunda, the president said that Mr. Clawson's appointment as vice president reflects "the commitment we all feel to resolving the problems our nation faces." He went on to say that we would now move "into the future as a unified voice against tyranny and oppression."

Aquia, Virginia - President Mathena invited his cabinet and most members of his tyranical congress aboard his presidential frigate last week. At this point it is unknown what, if anything, important was discussed.

We do know from interviews with British merchantmen currently in port here, that they were invited by President Mathena to join in the festivities. Apparently, the Presidential frigate, USS Twinkle, hailed the HMS Bogroll for a parlay as a sign of good will toward the British Crown.

Upon coming along side the Twinkle, Merchant Captain Phineas Longjohn witnessed a "brew-ha-ha the likes of which would do any sailor's pub in Wales proud!" One British seaman was told by a yank seaman that a few days prior to their arrival in port, that a drunken President Mathena called everyone on deck and ordered everyone to belch or flatulate in the direction of the "rebel coast" in a show of utter contempt towards the Confederate States of America, and if they could not "conjure one up" to give an oratory that would "do their nation proud."

A thougoughly disgusted Capt. Longjohn took his leave of the presidential party when one of the yankee sailors flatulated in the captain's ear. Apparently the drunken president had yet to rescind his previous order, and the happy sailor continued to vent noxious gases from his bowels at will.

As you well know by now, a powerful storm swept up our coast causing severe damage throughout North Carolina and Virginia.

One has to wonder if the storm was truly an act of Mother Nature, or if the drunken yanks helped it along with all the additional hot air spewing forth from their bloated bellies?