....last one waiting.....// i'm still here.

a b o u t t i f f a n y

So you're curious about the girl behind all this madness, huh? Well let's see......

        I'm always trying to figure out what's next. That's me....my mind always focused on the next thing. I'm not sure if that's a healthy mentality or not, but I like it. And, due to some personal reinvention, I now live my life with absolutely no regret. In the past, I've hated living with the regrets of things I didn't do or say, and I don't do that anymore. Why? Because I don't want to live a life of what-if's and if-only's. I don't want to wake up one day and realize that I never really lived my life. I'm still waiting on my defining moment....and I'm still waiting on the best moment of my life, because I don't think it's happened yet. Or maybe it has, and I just don't know it..... I think some things have been set into motion, but when *the* moment happens, I'll know, I'm convinced.

       I've been described as many things, the most recent was very sweet, but others have been mysterious, goofy, dorky, nerdy, and my absolute favorite: complicated. I suppose most people wouldn't take some of these words as compliments, but I did. See, I'm not hard to get along with, in fact, I'm very, very easy going. I'm more of a leader than a follower.... I'm an eternal optimist, a glass half-full kind of girl. I don't quit anything I start that I'm devoted to, never have, and it's one of the things I can promise that I never will. I might not always win, but I'll always try. I don't necessarily think I'm extroverted, because I like hanging out at my house, listening to music, watching movies, and being on-line making graphics and doing a whole lot of other things instead of going out to a club or bar, like most people my age.... but, the psychology tests say I'm an extrovert, so yes, I know you were absolutely dying to know that.

          I'm twenty-one, and I've lived in Virginia my entire life. I don't know if I'll stay here forever, I'm certainly not opposed to leaving if the right opportunity came along....but I'm not totally unhappy here either. I will admit, I often think about life elsewhere, and wonder how it might be different, if it would make me different, but I guess maybe everyone does that. I've been so many different places....every time I get to go somewhere new, I try to picture what my life might be like if I lived there.

         I work as an administrative assistant/receptionist/internet specialist for a local business. It's definitely not going to be my career. It's just my for now. I actually have a Bachelor's of Science degree in Psychology. I love the field, but it's also not something I want to do for a career, necessarily. (And now you're wondering why I majored in it to begin with, aren't you?) Let's see.....it sounded important (not a good reason to major in something, kids, haha) and, I took a psychology class in high school that I loved. So, when I enrolled in college, it seemed like a good choice for a major, and I decided I'd be going to get my PhD eventually, before ever having set foot on a college campus, (which I don't recommend either.) When I got the hang of college (didn't take long,) I realized that I really wanted to do something with my ultimate passion, which is writing. So I switched my major to Media Studies with a concentration in Journalism, which, all things in hindsight, I should have kept. But, you can't change the past. To make a long story short, I ended up switching back to Psychology, and that's what my degree is in. I actually finished a four year degree in two years and five months (again, not recommended,) because I took a double load (24 - 27 credit hours) and I did all the summer sessions. Why? Honestly, I do not know. Haha. I think I did it because it was a challenge to me, and I just wanted to see if I could do it.....(I'm like that sometimes.)

         Ideally, I'd like to be an author, and only do that as a job. Though, I know that, unless you get really lucky, it's not an easy way to make a living. But, there's something about going for your dream, you know? Sometimes you have to just go out there and see what happens. If it doesn't work out, you lick your wounds, get back up, and go at it again....or I do. Anyway, I'm looking at some Master's programs for both Journalism and Creative Writing, because I'd be happy to go either route, though preferrably creative writing, as it's the most in tune with what I'd like to do. Though more school isn't totally out of the question..... it would be absolutely incredible if I could go to Columbia or NYU in NYC, but my parents aren't too thrilled with the idea of their daughter moving to New York City. (It's just because they think I wouldn't ever come back home.) Haha. I love it there though, and I'd love to live there. There's something about the energy in NYC that's unlike anywhere else I've ever been in my entire life. It's phenomenal. And seriously, if you haven't seen the skyline of the City at sunset or sunrise, you haven't lived....it's breath taking. The view from the Hudson is pretty incredible too.

Did I mention I'd also LOVE to work for NASA.....but I have no idea what I'd do there. Haha. I don't want to go into space, but everything about sending people there fascinates me.

(That's a tad random)

I got off on a tangent, didn't I? Anyway..... So, I haven't quite gotten into my career yet, but I will. And, if something else comes along, that's fine too, but I'll always write, whether I'm published or not. For me, it's not about being published, and it's not about getting my name out there, it's just about doing something that I feel I need to do....something that is ME. Something that lets me do all of the things I might never [or wouldn't] do - through my characters.

            Writing hanfic is something I started doing when I was eleven. Yes, eleven. Way back then, my stories were pretty cheesy, and not cheesy in a cool way. Haha. I'd been skeptical about writing them again, because it seemed 'fan-girly,' but I'd been dying to write, and I couldn't settle on any particular plot or character. So, after a break-up that affected me more than I'd expected, I had the ammunition I needed, and "Every Word I Say" began. For me, it's not about writing Hanson, not at all. In my stories, and in my mind, they are just characters, like Noah and Allie in Nicholas' Sparks' novel, "The Notebook," or Garrett and Theresa in "Message In A Bottle," they were just characters loosely based on real life, breathing people. If you've read my fiction, you know it's not all happy and lovey-dovey - in fact, it's usually the opposite, so I think it's no secret that I wouldn't want them to happen to me. Bottom line, they aren't my fantasies, haha. Trust me on that.

            Other than that....this past year I got into graphic design pretty hardcore. I won't bore you with the story of how I got into it, because you most likely could care less....but let's just say it involved anger, venting, and a song from 'RENT' called 'One Song Glory' on a repetitive loop, for hours and hours. I had purchased Paint Shop Pro version 8 the year before, but I found it frustrating, confusing, and I thought everything I did sucked. Haha, so I just kind of pushed it to the side.....then, on this fateful night (oh bring out the cheese, haha,) I just started doing what they call 'blends' in blender land, and they weren't half bad. And wouldn't you know....I caused myself to be addicted. Oh it was non-stop after that. Haha. Insanity, I say.

             I got better and better at it....and finally my girl Kai convinced me to give Photoshop a go. I was totally skeptical, because I'd messed around with it in the media lab in college, and yeah, it didn't make any sense. But, being the insane person I tend to be, I braved it, and I was shocked when I adapted so quickly. And then, oh my gosh (Spaz! haha) my pieces got so much better, and my skills improved.....so yes, that's how I got into the writing and the blending/graphic design. (Fun, right?)

           What else can I tell you about myself....? How about some random things? I eat ice cream with a fork.....oddly enough, I rarely eat with a spoon. I even hate eating soup with a spoon, and have attempted to use a fork..... anyway. There's something about that utensil that I can not make myself like. Hahaha. I adore the play and movie 'RENT,' I have for eleven years. And yes, I've had the music memorized since then, because I'm a dork like that.... I'm allergic to cats, but not dogs....I love dogs....I'd like to get a bulldog eventually, haha. I'm not very adventurous in eating new foods, I will try something new, but it has to look REALLY good, or it's going to take a LOT of persuasion. That's right. Haha. I'm a cheap date (LOL, don't read between the lines, that's NOT what I mean) I prefer Sonic, Chick-Fil-A, or McDonald's to 'nicer' restaurants, and yes, I'm serious. I tell you, give me a burger and fries, a movie rental, and a night on the couch talking, and I'm a happy camper. I'm really not hard to please - at all.

            So.....other than computers and writing, music is my life. Music is probably more important to me than computers and writing....insane, isn't it? No....I don't play an instrument....though I do have an electric guitar that I bought about six years ago with the full intent of becoming a rockstar. Hahaha, riiiiiiiiiight, that happened. I do sing though. I can't say I sing well, because most of the time, I don't think I do....haha. I can sing to a degree, I'm by no means a professional, nor would I try to be. Why? Because I switch keys way too easily. In other words, you're not going to see me auditioning for "American Idol" anytime soon..... but I do have an absolute field day singing to the top of my lungs in my car [almost always alone, though a few selective passengers have been enlightened with my vocal stylings....hahaha.] I do actually have some [very non-professional] experience and vocal training....I was in chorus for six years.....which, is a bit of training in itself....and I auditioned for and made All-County Choir, as well as All-State. I'm telling you, I sound much better in a group. Haha. I was also in a female ensemble choir, which I really liked..... and way, way, way back in the day, I did a little bit of theater, my roles consisting of 'Sarah, the farm girl,' 'the flight attendant,' and the 'news anchor.' That's right folks, I've done it all. Can you tell I'm sitting here laughing hysterically as I write this? Yes, I know I'm not normal. I never claimed to be. Hahaha.

            Back to music. See....I got off on another tangent, and you let me.....music is huge for me. There's something about music that just gets me in this zone, and it's so inspiring.....there's something about a melody that won't get out of your head, and lyrics you repeat over and over, that I just adore. I like all kinds of different music, yes, everything from country to hard rock.....but mostly I tend to like alternative rock and indie rock.

            Music, of course, involves concerts.....and concerts have to be my favorite thing to do in the world [so far. haha.] I've traveled loads of places for concerts.....as little as an hour, as many as fifteen. Yes, for one concert. Haha. I actually flew [again, yes, just for a show - that's devotion right there] so it didn't take that long. Haha. But I love the adrenaline rush you get when the performer(s) take the stage.....it's like, the ultimate high. And if you're really having a good time, everything just kind of blurs together, and it's almost like a spiritual experience. Gah, I love that feeling. That has got to be one of the best feelings in the entire world.....indeed.

Yes, I'm dork, I'm aware of this, and I totally embrace it.....

Now some random questions that you've asked......

Favorite color? Black (red and green in a close second and third)
Favorite car? BMW 325i with a hard top, or a Land Rover L3
Favorite day of the week? Friday
Favorite guilty pleasure? The soap opera, "Days Of Our Lives"
Favorite reality show? "The Bachelor," MTV's "True Life," [and season 4 of "American Idol"]
Favorite non-reality show? Daria (Yes, the cartoon, haha)
Favorite type of show? History/biography. I'm forever watching the History Channel and A&E, etc.
Favorite channel? MSNBC - and no, I'm not lying. I'm a news-junkie.
Favorite moment in your life? I don't think it's happened yet, but I'm waiting on it.
Do you believe in love at first sight? No, but lust at first sight, absolutely. Curiousity at first sight, yes. Feeling like something is different about someone at first sight, no doubt.
Do you believe in true love? I *hope* it exists. It would suck if it didn't.
Do you remember your dreams? Yes.
Do you believe in life after death? Yes, I do.
Your favorite food? Burger and fries or chicken alfredo.
Your favorite pizza topping? Cheese only, but I'll eat about anything. (Or pick it off, haha.)
Your five favorite words? Indeed, perhaps, enigmatic, eloquent, soliloquy, and an extra: Cheboygan (haha)
Your favorite kind of movie? Drama, preferably sad. Haha.
Your favorite kind of music? Generally, alternative independent rock.

               I might always be waiting on something.....someone.....anything. A moment, my life, a person......whatever, but I'm waiting without regret.....and even if I'm the last one waiting, that's okay.....because that's me....and when things are meant to fall into place, then they will.