TOP THIRTEEN WAYS TO TELL YOU'RE AT
THE WORLD FAMOUS FREMONT AA HALL

1. The wild-eyed bearded person standing on the table is the Secretary.
   
   
2. The woman next to you yells, "Shut off the fucken motorcycle. We can't hear the sideline bullshit."
   
   
3. If you are an attorney or have all your own teeth, you are at the wrong meeting.
   
   
4. When you speak, you might be the only person listening.
   
   
5. The person who just beat up the member in the backroom is his sponsor.
   
   
6. The new person who just rushed into the room is a drug dealer trying to avoid the police.
   
   
7. The brown pile in the middle of the room that looks like dog shit is dog shit.
   
   
8. Old-timers worry about the ground-level entrance. The steps at the old hall used to weed out those who were so drunk they couldn't walk.
   
   
9. The toothless woman that J-- is hitting on isn't pretty, but she owns a car and has a job.
   
   
10. The phrase "shut the fuck up" means "we like you".
    
    
11. Felons, liars, cheaters, and thieves have a meeting named for them.
    
    
12. The person who brought the Saint Bernard to the meeting is the same person who voted against having animals in the hall.
    
    
13. You see you're at a home for many who have nothing but sobriety and a little honesty. It is the life-saving emergency center. Without it many of us would be dead.