They say that I’m cold and hard sometimes, I have always known that, I do it on purpose because I don’t want them to see the truth. I know that if they knew the truth, they’d pity me, I don’t want pity, it makes me feel hopeless, and it makes me feel weak. I don’t want to feel that way any more. I always felt that way when I was younger. I know that if they knew my secrets they wouldn’t understand. They would hate me. Or worse, they would pity me. Pity feels like a sort of hope to me. I hate hope; I hate it so much. It makes me feel like I depend on hope. I don’t want to depend on anyone! I want to be forever without hope, because I hate it so much. Things don’t always just get better on faith for me, they only get worse. To think that I am the senshi of hope. It’s a joke and I know it. So I have to remain cold. I don’t want to be cold like ice; I don’t want to push them away, make them feel like I truly don’t care. I must though. But it doesn’t work, I want to hate them, hate them so bad, I want to be distant from them, so that if they… go I won’t be hurt. But it hurts. Was I always so cold? No I was happy, and I treated them warmly once. We play a dangerous game, we sailor soldiers. In wars people on both sides die. It can’t be helped, so we move on. Even the good side dies. We play a never-ending war, it doesn’t end, it never does. I remember what happened so well, but just the mere mention of it… I can’t handle it. The memories are so fresh. Why did she have to die? It was my fault. War likes people like me. People who are constantly suffering. People who have to keep fighting. Because if I stop, if I let down my shields, I wont live long enough to regret it. Because I have to continue, I have to move on, otherwise I get others hurt. Because if I don’t continue, if I don’t shut them out, pretend to be the ice bitch that I am. Otherwise, they’ll find out that I’m really only Lady Hopeless. - Taken from the voice journal of Sailor Hope Star a.k.a Lides a.k.a Lady Hope. end. Authors Notes: I’m feeling depressed now. So I’ll go and curl up in a ball and see what you all thought. It sucked right? Yeah I guess it really did. Anyway! Hopefully the next thing isn’t so bad. Maybe I’ll write some fantasy… or some humour… my humour isn’t that bad right?