Sweet notes: I love you R-koi! I wasn’t sure what kind of anime or whatever you wanted… but I thought to myself ‘what does she like just as much as me, if not more?’ and the answer appeared. ^^

Warnings: Yaoi, songfic, POV, Kai/Tyson, the rest is unknown even to the author. Note, there may be angst and mild lime.

Disclaimer: I own them not.

*

If you’re not the one.

~ By Sweetdeily.

*

I want to leave you.

Your eyes burn me and I can’t look at your crimson orbs as I say this. You never were someone who talked much. You always took without asking.

I don’t want to be with you if I don’t know for sure.

You don’t touch anyone else. But I have a feeling sometimes, that you look at others.

I don’t know if you look at them like you look at me, but….

I can’t be with you unless you tell me.

 /If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all /

Gods. You don’t even open your mouth as I spit this out at you. I refuse to look into your crimson eyes; the ground to my left won’t accuse me like they will.

Everything you never say can be heard from your eyes and your actions.

But not this.

Please, say something. I don’t say this to you. I yell at you, I tell you I will leave you because you don’t care for me.

I must be lying… please don’t let me go through this agony. My heart wrenches in my chest as I yell out how horrible you are; you only use me.

You open your mouth as if you are going to speak, but close it.

I am crying now, as I yell, nearly incoherently.

I think maybe you can tell what I am really saying.

/ I never know what the future brings 
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through 
And I hope you are the one I share my life with /

I scream that I will leave and I grab my small bag of things that have collected themselves in your place over the years.

I want to forget, in this one instant the little presents, the memories everything in that bag hold, because I know I will cave in and beg for you to forgive me and live in agony because I won’t know.

I need to know.

I must know, because this agony in my chest won’t go away.

I love you…

Please, just tell me.

/ I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?/
 
I turn around, moving toward your bedroom door.
 
My voice is quiet now, barely above a whisper. I can tell, even not looking at you that it cuts deeply into you. I will walk out the door
 and never come back if you don’t tell me. There will be no goodbye sex, no make up.
 
Stop me. Please, just stop me. I close my eyes as I grip the door handle, beginning to turn the copper knob. I remember flashes
 of closing the door with that knob, remember images of your pale flesh against mine.
 
The door creaks as I open it, the room is silent now. I’ve actually run out of things to say.
 
/ If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?/
 
I have the door halfway open when you slam it shut.
 
Your sudden movements startle me; I drop the bag as you spin me around. Your lips press against mine, desperate and hot.
 
My hands are limp at my sides as you kiss me deeply. Fresh tears fall from my eyes.
 
Gods. I need to know, please…
 
You continue to kiss me, we are breathing through our noses. You kiss me as if you are searching for something.
 
Please…
 
You cup my chin, your fingers almost bruising in their desperation for my skin.
 
Kai… please, don’t do this to me.
 
I am near sobbing into your mouth, my tears trailing over my cheeks; I know your hand is wet with them now. Your other hand
 wraps around my waist, I move my hands, placing them against your chest and clutching at your shirt. I ball my hands in your shirt, pushing against you.
 
You pull back, wiping the tears from my eyes hurriedly, you place delicate kisses along my jaw, your crimson eyes closed.
 
“Tyson…” Your voice shakes with emotion.
 
Please Kai… please… say it. Please don’t make me leave.
 
“Kai…” My voice is near hysteria.
 
/ I don’t know why you’re so far away 
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through 
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life /
 
“Please… I need to hear it. Kai; I love you. Please tell me I’m not alone. My heart is beating so fast.
 If you don’t tell me I will leave you. I can’t live with the agony of not hearing the words Kai.” I barely register that I’ve said this to you aloud.
 
Your fingers trail along my cheeks before you kiss me again, hard and deep, your tongue thrusting deep into
 my mouth. I cry more, my hands hitting against your chest to make you stop and speak.
 
Your hand on my waist wonders lower, cupping my ass and pulling me closer. Your other hand wanders down to
 rub my crotch, I gasp into your mouth. Trying to pull back and tell you to stop. But I can barely move; I am practically pinned against you.
 
Your hands grow more intense and you finally break from our kiss. I open my mouth to tell you to stop what you are doing, but you speak
 before I can even breathe in a letter.
 
“Baka!” Your eyes glare down at me with such intensity that I feel trapped.
 
“Tyson no baka!” Your hands are so warm and powerful against my skin that it feels as if you could break me in half, your pressure is agonizing. 
My hands clench and unclench against your chest.
 
/ I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms? /
 
You bite gently along my throat and it makes me squirm.
 
Stop it. Stop teasing me like this! “Kai…” you silence me with a glare.
 
“How could you think I do not love you?” you ask me.
 
I begin sobbing; I hang my head so you cannot see my face. “All you do is fuck me, Kai. You give me pretty little presents and invite
 me places so you can fuck me afterwards. You invited me over to live in your apartment so you could fuck me more regularly. How
 could I think that you even look at me as more then a piece of ass?”
 
You grab me harder then, pulling me against you so hard that the back of your hand on my crotch is against your own groin. “When I wake
 each morning, Tyson I stay awake for hours, watching you sleep, I cook food for you and I openly pay attention to your nonsense babbling.
 I love you more then anything else in my life.” You reach up between our bodies and lift my chin up.
 
“What more do I have to do to prove that I love you?” you kiss me again and I whimper into the kiss. It seems like it is no effort for you to
 hoist me up and take the seven steps back to your bed.
 
“Tell me.” I whisper between your kisses.
 
“I just did. Twice you baka.”
 
/ ‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side /
 
The bag I had all ready to leave is forgotten. All that matters is your flesh on mine.
 
I feel so horrible inside.
 
So stupid.
 
Because all I should have done…
 
/ I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I… /
 
Was ask you.
 
 
~ Owari.
 
Sweet notes: I love you heaps R-koi!