December 2002 Hash Trashes
L2H3 Trash
Run # 860 December 2, 2002
Glasgow Lap Dancer Raises Standards of Lilongwe Hash
HARES
: Hash Dance
Mac the Knife
Barbie
Venue: Ask someone who found their way there and back.
A lady was driving along the freeway. Suddenly she pulls over to the side and stops. Out of the back seat jump two men who proceed to expose themselves to all who pass. It doesn't take long for a police car to come to a screeching halt. The officer says to the driver, "What the devil's going on here?" The distressed lady replies," I broke down, and these are my emergency flashers
THE WALK THE RUN
Hash Dance The walkers enjoyed the same quagmires and maize fields however Hash Dance was so busy 'visiting' with the other walkers that Whispering Green led some of the walkers on a LONG (unheard of!) back home and missed the wonderful hill that takes one up by the BHC's house.
The Knife and Barbie divided the responsibilities of confusing the runners into believing that this would be an easy lope. But once the threshold of the bush was breached even the runners knew that the hills would arrive. Crossing soon to be quagmires and maize fields the runners attempted to split twice only to be informed that - not yet. With the help of hare fairies some runners attempted to reach Ufulu but alas no, back across the dambo to home. Good run.
CIRCLE
Following the awarding of warm beers to the Hares, (Barbie refrained for some reason) to the tune of RUBBISH, the Honorable RA Bimboy (who had to be introduced to the CIRCLE as a returnee) recognized numerous and well deserving DIVIENTS. Laura R. and Shawn for being late - again-, G. I. Jane for being the returnee of the seeds and giving blood, and Everlasting for Racing. The RA called all new Hashers and ones he didn't recognize into the Circle. Ulf, Big Tack and No Tack to name a few were only new to the RA. Sibling visitors were on the menu for Clueless and Shout it Out. Of special note was the Lap Dancer from Glasgow who was accompanying the brother of Clueless. Bimboy kept inquiring what time she got off. The lap, one presumes. Whispering Green graced the Hash as a returnee from the coal pits.
HASH SHIT
The Eagle permanently inscribed the Hallow Shirt with the results of the Boks and Poms rugby game a while back. Following an uproar by a Bok fan the Shirt was duly bestowed upon the critic.
NEXT WEEK'S RUN Dec. 9th. 5:15 p.m. The Shack Hare RA Bimboy
L2H3 web site http://www.oocities.org/lilongwehhh
Run # 861
Hares:
Bimboy
Whispering Green
Spice Boy Wantabe
Venue: The Shack
A guy reads a newspaper ad that says "All the weight you can lose 1 dollar a pound". So he calls and asks if its true.
"Sure the guy says. Just tell me the amount of weight you want to lose and your credit card number."
Well the guy says 20 pounds.
"No problem, our representative will be there in the morning."
Sure enough at 8 a.m. the doorbell rings. When he opens the door theres a beautiful blonde standing there with nothing on but a sign that reads "IF YOU
CAN CATCH ME, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME".
He does and sure enough when he weighs in he has lost 20 pounds.Excitedly he calls back the weight loss company. "This time I'd like to lose 50 pounds."
The guy who answered the phone says "Fifty pounds is a lot of weight at one time - but our representative will be there in the morning."
Sure enough at 8 a.m. the doorbell rings. The man rushes to answer it. When he does it's a 500 pound male gorilla with a sign that reads "IF I CAN CATCH YOU, I'LL HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU".
THE WALK AND THE RUN
Hashers were allowed into the Shack on this non-rainy afternoon only because they are normally closed on Mondays. It was a good venue because of its central location (Area 9 and 3ers weren't whinging)and the Hashers enjoyed a seldom used area 14.
The walkers,lead by Whispering Green, setting a blistering pace, headed out the gate to the right,down the hill with traffic whizzing by and finally into the bush. There were enough small hills to get the ole ticker ticking at a fast pace--at least for a
minute. The only excitement we had was our Brown Noser. We walkers knew that the runners were not too far from us--there are a few voices crying ON ON that
carry!! Good walk.
The runners had to rely on trail checking by newbies with The Knife and Bulldozer being MIA and Uranus off his mark. These "Check in Out" runners must have done a good job because the Long Runners made it back before the Medium ones. The trail took all runners along the river, across the foot bridge into Area 14 and into the Nature Reserve. Once there Hare Wantabe Spice Boy repeatedly missed lead runners until all were regrouped on THE ROCK. There were several suggestions as to what could be done on the THE ROCK but there were no takers so off went the
pack in search of the split. The FRB from Kamuzu realized why the Pack lets the Knife check out the trail but still found some followers. Eventually, the Pack found Kenyatta with some Shortcutting across the river to avoid the bridge. The split was
soon found but, as mentioned before, the Shorts were duped into a longer run than the Longs. All in all good run.
THE CIRCLE
Bimboy gladly gave himself a warm Kucheche for organizing this run sharing the foam with his other Hares. Visitors, returnees, Virgins, newcomers and professional chuckers were called into the Circle. They included Kumuzu Nick, Matt, two sudents, a firefighter with attitude and new shoes, a Food security specialist Jen and our darling Kiwi that the RA didn't recognize. The Fire Fighter was returned to the Circle to receive the honor awarded to new shoes. The fire engine red Nikes looked good sticking out the backside of the RA. Enough said.
Deviants were many with the Brown Noser having bolted, Duracell for Sex ?? No Tack for running on the walk, ShowUsaLeg for no good excuse. Hash Shit was passed on to be shared by the soon to be permanently joined Man Mainer and Clueless.
Next Week's Run Dec. 16th
Stumpy and Dr. Doom (Des & Sue Mahoney) Area 3 447
From Old Town coming up the Hill on M1 towards the airport from the Lilongwe Hotel on your left, don't turn left there but take the next left opposite the Catholic Church onto Selous Rd. toward the big Radio Tower. Turn first left opposite the radio tower then first left again into a loop road. Venue is second house on the left. Look for paper.
L2H3 Trash
Run 862
Quote of the Run
“Paper-Less, Check-Less, Hare-Less, Clue-Less”
Venue: Area 3 in the shadow of THE
Hares: Stumpy, Madam Doom, G I Jane, nameless young FRB
Weather Conditions: Threatening
Physical Conditions: Recovering from the Wedding
Reminder: Subs are Past Due !! Offenders will be duly noticed each week.
The Hash
Most Hashers made it back over the TakaTaka road from Mangochi and the wedding in time to follow the white flaky Malawi snow around area 3 and 9.
The Hare in charge, Stumpy, announced the Walking and Running Hares and then without more ado disappeared to enjoy a warm Kuchekuche. All running Hares, save one, followed suit. The walkers weren’t so lucky.
The Walk
Madam Doom, looking like a Japanese tour guide with umbrella in hand, lead the walkers. She set a fast enough pace that we kept losing a few of our number. Bulldozer attempted to keep some of our younger group moving along and even toward the end Big Yin came looking for us. And did I mention that Mile High Club's parents took off on a false trail and we almost didn't get them back--was she trying to get them lost their first week here???
The Run.
Following the un-named FRB Hare seemed easy enough but then the running started. Up he went setting a blistering pace that the Knife would have loved. A long and medium had been announced at the start but no Hare mentioned the Paper-Less, Check-Less dash. Seasoned Hashers kept the pack together with false checks and faking heart attacks. Tis the Season to be fat, lazy and hung over but not to be winded on a Hash. BRB (the opposite of FRB) were allowed to draw near with promises of “hold the check” only to hear “check it out”. Following the long/medium split the BRB mediums joined the Walkers on home while the Longs searched for – you guessed it – checks. Thank goodness for the traffic jam at the Area 9 crossroads A good run despite all the bellyaching by the BRBs. Well done Hares.
The Circle
RA Bimboy was MIA so Uranus made a nuisance of the Circle. The Walk/Run was recognized in appropriate fashion – Rubbish - Too Short. Hares willingly dispensed of the WKK and the Circle moved on the acknowledge special Hashers. Mile High Club sent forth her parents. Do they know her Hash name and how she got it? Susanne was honored for joining the Hash while her husband was out of town. Humm ? Katherine, daughter of the Serious One, and Natasha, friend of Stumpy (?) were also welcomed in Hashing style.
Deviants consisted of Uranus – hat in the Circle, Guzhunder –because, Custodian – running on the walk or was that walking on the run, Patience –keeps coming back, Neil – actually paying his Subs, The Eagle – for not paying his Subs .
Man Mainer and Clueless for some good reason didn’t return the Shit Shirt. So, contestants for the Shirt anyway were Big Yin for not having assumed special Best Man duties of returning with the SS, Duracell – because the shirt fits him so well, Big John – for joining the long walkers and making beer drinkers suffer, and Hare Michael for believing old time Hashers that there were really checks on the long run. When the Shirt returns, it will be worn by that young RRB Hare.
Next Week's Run
Hares: Big John, Mile High Club and GI Jane
Area 3
Drive or run past the back entrance of BMacK school. At the T junction turn right and then turn left between the flat bed truck parking lot. Straight for a block or so, look for cars, paper.
L2H3 Trash
December 23
Christmas Run 2002
JOKE
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.
Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should've known. ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
Hares: Big John
G.I. Jane
The Custodian
Paul
Venue: Area 3 near the Lorry repair Garage
Quote of the Run "It was a Molar"
(If you don't have a clue what that means check with your RA)
Run Title: Orgasmic Memorial Run
For those who were around two years ago, who can forget the sight and sounds of Orgasmic (Chris Gomes) playing in the mud and coming up a little lame. The doctors say he should fully recover soon.
We were graced with a visit by Head Banger and Super Women from the Far Far East. Head Banger brought greetings from the Old Man.
It was a hot humid afternoon in Area 3. With Big John and the Custodian setting the Run we knew the Golf Course would be incorporated in some way or fashion. But with a promise of Swedish Nash (or was that Dutch) and cold KK who could really complain.
The Walk:
The walkers, lead by Big John, headed out the gate in the direction of the golf course. The 'merry makers', dressed in their best red and green, meandered past the third green (not Carlsberg), going up the back nine. Big John broke the short walkers somewhere (sorry, I was in front of them and talking so don't know the split!) The medium walkers, lead by Southern Cumfort, took off across the 11th fairway to the 8th tee box. This left only Big John and Whispering Green on the Long walk. (If you peeked over your shoulder, you saw BJ and WG running to catch up with the mediums!!). Southern Cumfort and Cocktail tried to lead the walkers on another short cut, but were foiled by the Hare who sent us back down Barron Avenue and on home. Good walk, thanks.
The RUN
The Runners were easily confused, even for Hashers, starting off in three different directions at the beginning, all of them wrong. On the correct trail off we set thru newly planted maize fields heading AWAY from the Golf course. Could we had been wrong? No running on the LCC? But alas we turned back 180 degrees and made our way on to the 6th fairway. A few of Santa's Elves and their assistants made mud pies and inflicted permanent pain onto Uranus. Cinders shortcuted then attacked the pack with ripe Melina fruit. Following these abuses the pack split with Mediums slicing across the 2nd and 15th and the longs blasting on down 8 and back up 11 to head ON HOME. A special note was Cinders packing up with 5 Bimboy wantabes. And she outlasted 3 of them. Well done and a good run Hares.
The Circle
Unbeknownst to the RA, Dry Ice attempted to sub for the RA but remembered she only talks outside the Circle. Hares Paul, GI Jane, Big John and Custodian consumed their special KK in good order. New Cumers and Returnees were so numerous two groups were called into the Circle. Of special note were Little Tack, son of the other Tacks, Diana from a Italian NGO with great chucking skills, June on Holiday and Jeremy. SuperWoman and Head Banger were also properly recognized. Head Banger was a former proper Scribe ever so missed by the L2H3. Welcome back and hurry back.
New Weeks Run
Dec. 30
Uranus
Area 43
146 Blantyre Street
L2H3 Trash
Run # 864
Quote of the Run
“All Is Well That Swallows Well”
Would all Hashers please check the L2H3 web site and confirm if their email address and phone numbers are correct. If not please email L2H3.
Web site is http://www.oocities.org/lilongwehhh/ Email address is lilongwehhh@yahoo.com.
Hares:
The Knife
Cinders
Uranus
The rains tried to drive away the strong willed Hashers wishing to enjoy the last run of 2002. But all was well with the rain deciding to stop only minutes before the Run. Uranus announced two drink stops for runners and only one for walkers. Some runners wished they had stayed walkers.
The Walk
Southern Cumfort had promised that the walk would be stroller friendly, but alas, the weather kept the young families away. Never mind, we stayed fairly “friendly” by heading down Blantyre and straight up Ufulu, almost to Securicor, but not quite. We took a short cut up between two houses, and meandered into Custodian and Diviner’s for the Drinks. The walkers had really been setting a good pace—at least most had. We had two Moms and babes strolling along. When the Pops noticed that they were nowhere in sight, the Hare walked back to find them. The Moms and babes had decided that it was easier just to walk back the way they had cume, and I hear were the first ones in. Whispering Green had to lead the walkers ON HOME from the drink stop. (note: It was decided that the walkers will carry cell phones, so that they can keep up with the front and back of the pack—that sounds much to organized for a Hash, no??!!)
The Run
Without The Knife and Uranus to check out trails and with Bull Dozer MIA, checks were slow to develop. But there were checks!!! After meandering around Ufulu and area 43 the Runners back-doored it into the Custodian and the Diviner’s residence. “Green Stuff” reported to contain alcohol was dished out to all partakers. The timing was perfect with the Walkers arriving at the same time as the Runners. Once everyone’s tonsils were coated in a lite shade of pond moss, the Runners headed back out the same gate in search of the second Drink stop. Little did they expect a trip across the Dambo. That would have been fine in dry season but most intelligent individuals avoid such spots in the Rainy season. But no, the Knife led the pack deep into the Cattails and black muddy waters with a promise of “On Drinks”. The orange and lime jellies were good but not strong enough to erase the vision of that dambo muck. Longs and Shorts split with promises on no more water only KK.
The Circle
Following the fast consumption on that special KK by the Hares for having set a wonderful walk/run RA Bimboy recognized special deviants. Little Tack for imitating a bullet, Duracell for taking shreddy, Foxie G and the Custodian for some unknown reason and Easy Rider for being MIA for months. At this point the Green Stuff and jellies kicked into the few gray cells remaining in the Scribe’s head and all he can remember is that Foxie G was awarded the Shit Shirt for being too quite.
Next Weeks Run
Area 10
Serious One.
