Things didnt turn out to be what we want though.... On 8 Nov 2003, while attending our best friend, Andrew's wedding, my waterbag broke before the dinner started. Martin rushed me to hospital and doctors tried their very best to stop the labour as the twins were only 30 weeks old (full term should be 40 weeks). After about seven hours, nothing worked and finally docs had to do an emergency C-section for me to have them out. On the morning of 9 Nov 2003 at 4 am, Justin and Jordan were born with Justin weighing 1.25kg and Jordan weighing just 975g.
Hours later when my husband, Martin came to visit me at the hospital ward after seeing our babies, he told me Jordan had imperfect anus. This came to me as a huge blow. I was devastated. But with the help of my very supportive mother, my two younger brothers and close friends, I quickly pulled myself together and got ready to face the challenges ahead. Little did I know what I was going to face was actually so heartbreaking...
As the twins were preemies, they had to be sent to Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for observations. While Justin was doing fine, the doctors had to perform an operation on Jordan just days after he was born. The op was to open a hole at the side of his stomach (Colostomy) for his motion as he had imperfect anus. On top of this, he had a series of other problems including a heart problem leading to difficulties in breathing, Septic ileus with abdominal distension, Low-lying spine etc. just to name a few....
Two weeks later, doctors did another emergency operation on Jordan's small intestine which had hole in it, causing it to be stucked together. Basically, this complication in severe indigestion and poor Jordan's tummy was like a balloon!!..... So we spent the next few months going to hospital everyday to visit the boys. Justin was growing steadily but Jordan's condition always fluctuate and I've already lost count on the number of times I almost collapsed seeing him suffered. Gradually, we learn to take things one at a time and not to think too far.
Justin was discharged from hospital about two months later. He was gaining weight well, in fact too well... but Jordan stayed back in the NICU til 24th Feb 2004. Two weeks after Jordan came home, we brought him back to hospital again because he was not breathing properly. Since then, he became a regular at the hospital. He would stay for a week or so, before getting discharged. But before we know it, he got admitted again. Nurses and doctors knows Jordan so well and some had even became so attached to him. Most people were very fond of my angel as he's a good baby, always having a very understanding look whenever others talked to him.
One night in May 2004, Jordan was coughing badly. My god sister, Jennifer and I rushed him back to hospital. His oxygen level dropped and was not breathing well when we reached the hospital. Doctors and nurses gave him oxygen and did suction for him immediately. As soon as he stabilised, he was admitted to the Respiratory Ward. Jordan cried non stop and our hearts broke to see him suffered like this. The next day, they upgraded him to the High Dependency Ward to be taken care of. I had no idea how much tears I shed that day. Jordan kept crying for four straight hours and I was totally helpless!!! As he was a Chronic lungs baby who had developed phneumonia, his condition was not optimistic. Doctors checked on him every hour and they finally decided to give him medication to sleep in order to rest both his weary, collapsed lungs. Shortly, Jordan was admitted to the Children Intensive Care Unit. By then, my world was almost shattered.
Since then, we never see him wake up. In that month, he had gone through two major operations for heart and intestine and several small procedures. On top of all these, he was breathing through a strong ventilator. No matter how many times doctors tried, Jordan was not able to wean it off. Worse, he even turned blue a few times right in front of me! There were three occasions that doctors had to revive him. All the needles and at least six tubes in his tiny body (4kg) were just too much for everyone, to imagine on Jordan. He had so much medications and drugs that at one point, we were even worried that he cant be a normal child even if he wakes up. Everyday during that month was stormy for us. But if not for the support I got from my own family and friends, I was not sure how Martin and I was going to pull through. My mom did her best to tend to my two other little ones at home while Martin and I hang around the hospital watching over Jordan everyday. My two brothers, Adrian and Jun Bin visited Jordan after work everyday no matter how late or tired they were. My other friends also gave us their best care and concern in any ways they can and of course their blessings.... My aunt and uncle even invited a highly respected monk to the hospital to pray for Jordan, in the hope of reducing his sufferings. I am truly thankful for all the supports I have got from these people. I am also happy that Jordan had been showered with so much love by those who really loved him. Once again, I'd like to emphasise that without them, Martin and I would not have overcome these difficulties.
On the morning of 19 June 2004, we got a call from hospital at 5 am telling us our angel was not doing well. They wanted us to go to the hospital immediately and instantly, I had a premonition that something bad was going to happen. True enough, on arriving, we saw several doctors outside his personal room and several nurses in the room... we knew immediately that Jordan was not going to make it. He left us almost immediately as I held his lifeless body and gave him my last kiss. My world was totally shattered.
After taking off everything from his body, nurse got him changed into his own clothing brought to hospital by one of our best friends, Cecilia who rushed back home to get it for us. Jordan's godmom Ivy, Jennifer and her sister all rushed to hospital to see him for the last time. I craddled him and everyone there took turns to do so. We dont bare to just leave him on the cold bed..it was such heartbreaking moment for all of us there... Til now, I still cant forget how his body turn more and more stiff and cold. It's just so unbearable. Jordan turned almost black when I laid him down at the casket company. We cremated him that very afternoon. The next day with the company of Martin, my mom, my brother Adrian, uncle, Ivy and Cecilia, we set Jordan free out in the sea. We hope he can start a new life free from sufferings.
Now he is in loving memory to alot of people who had took care of him or played with him. All we hope for is he's happy to be away from all sufferings and already in a good place call Heaven.
I still look at his photo everyday and tell him I love him no matter where he is now. He will be in my heart till the end of time. This will not change because he is my son, Jordan....
