“Colin, I just don’t know what to think.” “I know this must be a very difficult thing for you.” “It’s the most important thing to be ever laid upon my shoulders.” Colin watched her reactions carefully, concern evident on his face. Ella continued, “They’re very sweet people, but as hard as I try, I cannot imagine why I should give up Mina, my own flesh and blood, my sister’s child.” Colin nodded solemnly; he felt it was best for her to speak her mind without his interruption. “And yet, we have no means of even supporting her right now, and it seems unfair to make them keep her on indefinitely, unfair for Mina and the Smiths.” She shook her head “I would not want to make her feel as if she could not belong anywhere. Do you think she has grown very comfortable there? That I suppose is the real question: Would she be happy with them, happier than she would be with Leslie and myself? Because Leslie says she may feel left out, especially,” Ella blushed, “especially if we should have children of our own.” Ella sat in silence, and Colin felt as if she thought she might agree with Leslie on this last matter. “She is much better since she has come to them, and I don’t want to disrupt her life when it has just become stable, but then I always thought she would live with us. It never occurred to me…Wouldn’t I be shirking my responsibility?” Colin could tell she was ready for some advice, and there was only one thing he could think of to say. He stood up, and standing behind Ella’s down turned head, he leaned down to whisper in her ear “Ella, the Smiths will never be able to have a child of their own.” Ella turned her head around, nearly bumping into Colin’s nose. She wondered how he always knew these delicate things, and he was so good about them. “Well, then, I see,” she said slowly, and turned back. She breathed in “I would still be Mina’s aunt as Leslie said.” Colin thought he could hear Ella beginning to cry, but he decided to leave her alone, so she could make peace with her decision, and in his heart he felt she had made the right one.
***
“Mother, I don’t know what they are going to do. They haven’t a house, or anything, and Leslie will never find a job here. They’ll have to leave Reverdy.” Mrs. Duncan shook her head hating to hear that, but knowing it to be true. “They grew up here, it would be very hard on them to leave.” “And who is to say they would find lodgings or jobs anywhere else? Leslie is a smart man, but he is not trained in anything; he would have to do manual work.” “I can’t stand the thought of it.” Colin sighed, feeling as if his mother was rather too fond of Leslie for Leslie’s own good, because she was part of the sheltering of him from the truth that was the world. “It is very hard of the Bayards to disinherit Leslie, their own son, their only child!” Colin admitted that it was particularly unfair, even for the Bayards who were known to be hard. “I don’t think that this should go on. Ella is a wonderful girl. I would be pleased to have a dozen such girls for daughters in law. Mrs. Bayard is very foolish in her actions. Who will inherit their money? Miss Talbot I suppose?” “I don’t have the answer to that, but I should like to know.” “I am determined,” his mother said standing up. “What?” “I will go and speak with Mrs. Bayard. She cannot ignore me…I am the closest thing she has to a peer in this town.”
***
Mrs. Duncan approached the Bayards’ home with a feeling of anger rising in her chest. How could they command their grown son? And they were encouraging him in the wrong direction. She rang the doorbell, and a servant in stiff clothing answered, and led her into the sitting room where Mrs. Bayard was receiving visitors. Mrs. Bayard attempted a civil look upon seeing Mrs. Duncan, because as she had said, she was just as good as Catherine Bayard. “Good afternoon, Mrs. Duncan, and how are you?” “Mrs. Bayard, I think you know why I’m here.” Mrs. Bayard looked as if she didn’t but suspected she wouldn’t like it. “Please, sit down.” “You are making a terrible mistake.” Mrs. Bayard’s eyebrows raised. “Yes, I am party to the whole development of Leslie and Miss Douglas’ relationship, and I am also aware of your feelings.” “I’m afraid this isn’t any of your business, Mrs. Duncan.” “No, there you are wrong. I am the only protector Miss Douglas has at present excepting your son, and I know these two very well. I am not attempting to change your opinion of Miss Douglas, although you are wrong on this account as well…” Mrs. Bayard interrupted “Mrs. Duncan it is not your place to come into my home and insult my choices.” “I have not come to insult you. I have come to counsel you against rash judgment. Leslie is your only child, and a son! You can not disinherit him surely.” Mrs. Bayard’s face gave a grimace, which portrayed that she wished she could think of a different way to handle the situation, but had found none. “What will you do with your property and holdings? Why you’ve spent good money on Leslie’s education, I should know, to send him to college to learn about finances, and now you will loose that investment, and have to pay someone to take care of things in the coming years. This seems highly imprudent to me.” Mrs. Bayard humphed, but Mrs. Duncan felt it was a good sign that she had not been thrown out of the house. “If you will, let me suggest something. I have thought of what Mr. Duncan and I would do in a similar case, where we did not approve of Colin’s choice. There is not much a parent can do other than make their views be known, which you have. I think we, Mr. Duncan and I would not cut Colin off, but instead let him make his mistakes, as painful as it may be, and their wiser judgment will kick in at some time or another.” “I shouldn’t wish to have such a daughter in law.” “But why not continue supporting Leslie, so that he does not end up at the bottom of the heap, which would be far more embarrassing than if he should marry Miss Douglas? You shouldn’t ever have to approve of Miss Douglas, don’t even come to the wedding if you like, never see the girl, but maintain relations with Leslie, or you shall regret it I’m afraid.” Mrs. Bayard pursed her lips. “If Miss Douglas is such an imprudent match, Leslie will one day come to his senses.” “But what is to be done if they have already married?” Mrs. Duncan breathed in hating to say what she was about to. “There is always annulment.” The only thing that allowed her to say it was that she knew Leslie would never grow tired of Ella, or as she had said, come to his senses. Mrs. Bayard looked at the floor, appearing angry but thoughtful. “Thank you,” she said coldly, “I appreciate your kind words.” Mrs. Duncan nodded and stood up to leave, but before she left she turned to address Mrs. Bayard again “I’m afraid Leslie is not involved in a childish school boy game. He is not likely to call off the wedding, so waiting is a mistake. Make your peace with him before he leaves Reverdy forever, Mrs. Bayard.”
Chapter 19
“What’s this I hear about the Bayards having a change of heart?” Mr. Duncan said to everyone at the dinning room table. Mrs. Duncan looked up from her plate, seeming surprised in spite of herself. “So, Mrs. Bayard did change her mind.” Ella looked back and forth from Mrs. Duncan to Mr. Duncan, and Colin shrugged his shoulders. “You knew of this?” Mr. Duncan asked of Mrs. Duncan. “I thought perhaps she might when I went to talk with her two days ago,” she said smiling at Ella. “Mrs. Duncan, why did you go to speak with Mrs. Bayard?” “Well, Ella, I thought it was foolish to go on the way they were pretending they were going to disinherit Leslie, so I told her as much.” “Are you to say that Leslie won’t be cut off?” Ella’s voice was rising. Mrs. Duncan gestured to Mr. Duncan smiling. “Yes, that is the word at the gentleman’s club.” Ella stood up, nearly knocking over her chair, and ran over to Mrs. Duncan, throwing her arms around her. “Oh thank you Mrs. Duncan, thank you.” “Oh, don’t thank me, darling, Mrs. Bayard is in charge of her own mind, I just put the thought there…but I’m afraid she still makes no plans to accept you my dear.” Ella smile didn’t lighten at the last proclamation. “I was so worried about what would become of Leslie if he should have to strike out on his own.” “Well, you won’t need to worry any longer, darling,” Mr. Duncan said smiling. They were so happy to see Ella bursting with joy. “You can afford a honeymoon,” Colin said quietly. Ella turned to face him and gave him a kind smile. She hoped he was all right, and she was somewhat relieved to see that his face did not appear tormented as it had in the recent past. “You can afford a house, and whatever you like,” Mrs. Duncan said airily.
***
Leslie caught Ella in his arms and swung her around laughing. “You’ve heard then,” he said. “Yes, Mr. Duncan told us yesterday at dinner.” He kissed her cheeks. “We shall have to get on it if we are to find a house and we can take a honeymoon!” “We still won’t have time to move in though.” “No, which is why I think we should build a house. Since we are going to be in Europe anyway for the next few months…” “Europe!” “Yes, what do you think of that? Should I book us a trip across the ocean?” “Oh, yes,” she said kissing him squarely on the mouth. “Now you realize we shall have to take a train and a ship,” Leslie said teasing. “Yes, oh yes, we must!”
Never had Ella been so excited in her life with things going so well and a honeymoon to Europe. She spent any free time looking at picture books about cities in Europe and reading their histories. Leslie was glad he could please her so much, but he didn’t have much time to look at books, because there were builders and architects to hire and furniture to order, with Ella’s help. The preparations for their trip were grueling too, and the Duncans were very helpful when it came to the wedding, which now appeared to be the easiest part of the whole arrangement. Mrs. Duncan made plans for all the catering and flowers and the tailor and the invitations and everything, while Mr. Duncan found a photographer. Ella was glad to find that Colin had begun to see Miss Breckenridge on a regular basis, but she was too afraid to break the spell to ask about it. The arrangements with the Smiths were also taken care of, and there never were two more grateful people in the world.
Colin was seeing a great deal of Miss Breckenridge, and he was growing quite fond of her, but he didn’t want to discuss his situation with anyone, so it was better that Ella didn’t approach him, even though he knew she was noticing. There was a time when he would have been childish enough to wish to make her jealous, but that time had passed, and all feelings he had for her were pushed to the back of his subconscious in an effort to be a better friend to Leslie and Ella. He thought he could detect a strong affinity on Miss Breckenridge’s part as well, which helped, or hindered, he wasn’t sure, because he wasn’t planning on a serious relation, but should things evolve…
In truth, Miss Breckenridge was a great deal fonder of Mr. Duncan than he imagined, but she was a well behaved girl who had been taught not to be forward in any situation, least of all when it came to men, so she kept herself under control. She knew that even in Ella’s premarital bliss and hectic schedule, Ella was watching her, and she couldn’t fathom why, unless it was just on behalf of Colin as a friend. Ella also liked Miss Breckenridge, for she was one of the few people who were always kind and meant it as well. Colin detected Ella’s watchful eye, and not guessing the reason, he found the idea of the “new upstart” Miss Douglas watching over the “established” Miss B, rather humorous, but sweet. What a dear heart Ella had, he reflected.
Chapter 20
The site for their house was determined: It was to be on the newest side of town, not the most posh, but the area with the most building space. The fact that the new Mr. and Mrs. Bayard were going to set up house there would eventually attract other rich families, or those trying to become part of that set. Ella wasn’t too disappointed to be away during the building in Europe, because she felt that it would help alleviate some of the interminable anticipation. She was more than pleased with the location and size of the lot Leslie had offered to her as their possible location; she could just picture children running in front of the kind of house she never thought she would even see the inside of, let alone be the mistress of. Leslie could see the excitement in her sparkling eyes, and it made him warm thinking he could bring happiness to Ella, the woman he loved. She had said it wouldn’t matter to her where they lived or how they lived, but he was pleased to be able to offer her more than satisfactory conditions. His mother’s approval could wait, forever if necessary, because he had never longed for it, and it didn’t appear that Ella longed for it either. What Ella didn’t know was that Leslie spent almost as much time thinking about their family in the future as she did, and with just as much, if not more enthusiasm. Mina, while still a source of worry for Ella, was now surely going to live with the Smiths, and Leslie vowed to make sure she would grow up knowing her aunt, uncle, and cousins even more than was usual to do Ella’s heart good.
“Where should we visit?” “Rome.” “No, no, we should visit Paris and London, Rome is dead.” “The history of it would interest Ella,” Colin said with a smile. “Can you really see ancient ruins?” “Yes.” “So, Colin has gotten to you already about Rome?” Leslie said laughing. “I’m afraid he has, but if you would rather skip it…” “No, Italy is charming, and the wine is good. Colin is right, we shall definitely stop in Rome.” “Three and a half months, and how shall we even begin to see it all?” “The trip will take a month alone,” Mr. Duncan said looking up from his papers, “England might be a stretch.” “Especially London,” Leslie conceded. “There is so much to do just on the continent, that I don’t see why you should have to go to London,” Mrs. Duncan offered. “True, and we haven’t even considered Spain.” “Spain?” Ella said in surprise, “how would we understand anyone?” “People visit there often, so I would think it would be possible.” “What about French doors?” “Excuse me,” Leslie asked of Mrs. Duncan, who was thinking aloud. “French doors…in the sitting room on the far right side, or the back as well, but the side most definitely.” Mrs. Duncan smiled with an all knowing look, “Don’t you think that would make better access to the wrap around porch, not to mention the ventilation.” “Wrap around porch? What have I missed Ella?” he asked laughing with good nature. “It wasn’t my idea,” Ella said in defense. “I’ve been cooking the idea up quite by myself, Leslie,” Mrs. Duncan said. “Just think of the pleasant view you will get from the two sets of door in the spring with everything in bloom. I should think it would already be in the plans.” Leslie didn’t mind the meddling of Mrs. Duncan, because it was helpful meddling and wasn’t meant to be the end all: She was only trying to be merry and a good sport, and the “children” didn’t mind it in the least. Mr. Duncan smiled on at the rapport the two generations had.
It struck Mrs. Duncan rather odd that Colin was with them this evening instead of at Miss B’s house, as she had become known in the Duncan household. Lately he had been spending more time there than with his parents and Leslie and Ella, so this was rather unusual. Colin stood up while she was considering this fact, and she couldn’t help asking, “are you headed towards Miss B’s house?” His seeming embarrassment made her wish she had held her tongue, but Ella saved the day. “How is Miss Breckenridge? I haven’t spoken with her for nearly a week we’ve been so busy with our own concerns. How did her attempt at finding a music teacher go? She wishes to take piano lessons, and she promises me that she will in turn teach me when she is perfect.” Colin smiled at Ella, “yes, she has found herself a teacher, but as of yet we have no piano for her to play on, so the search goes on.” It was not lost on few ears that he had referred to himself and Miss B as “we”. “Well, I certainly hope she will be an aficionado by the time we return. I’m sure she will, because I have the utmost confidence in her musical abilities, even if she is a bit old to begin…I am too old as well, so together we shall play very ill together.” Leslie loved the sound of Ella’s voice laughing; he could listen to it all night.
He felt as if he hadn’t been alone with her for even a minute in years, but he tried to console himself by thinking that they would have the rest of their lives to be alone together. The very idea made him wish they could leave immediately, be foolish, and elope, but that was not to be, and he didn’t truly want to do that, although he found himself agreeing with common thought that weddings were for women.
***
The day everything arrived from the coast was extremely momentous and thrilling, but hectic. At first there was time for Ella and Mrs. Duncan and Miss B and other neighbors to exclaim over the fabric of different items and make Ella hold up everything to her pretty face, but quickly everything became too tightly scheduled for such delights. There were fittings and measurements and color choices to be made, and the groom’s clothes, although deemed unimportant by the groom himself, had to be chosen. Mrs. Duncan was sure that things were being forgotten, important things. And they were. It came to Mrs. Duncan while Colin and she were working in the library. He was looking through the books, and she was shelving them. “Oh no!” she exclaimed as the thought occurred to her. “What is it?” Colin asked barely looking up from the pile of books which had not been put away for what could have been months. “I knew there was something.” “Something what?” “I’ve just thought a huge problem, and there isn’t anytime to remedy it with only five days left.” The count down clued him into the fact that she was absentmindedly referring to the wedding. “The wedding you mean?” “Where will we go with them?” “Them who?” His mother wasn’t paying any attention to him. “They certainly can’t stay with the Bayards, and the inn would be inappropriate.” Involuntarily, Colin’s jaw clenched. “They’ll be spending the one night before they head off on the riverboat for St. Louis, and we have no where to go with them. Not a place. Unless we had them stay with us…its rather unconventional, but needs must.” Colin had been slowly recovering, and he thought a few minutes prior that he was totally all right with the entire situation, but these words awoke a pain inside him, which he tried to push down. He was going to drown any moment, but Mrs. Duncan didn’t seem to notice. This wasn’t good.
***
“Mr. Duncan has offered to give you away. Would that all right?” Leslie asked looking concerned at Ella. She thought it was so sweet of Leslie to be worried about everything concerning her. The fact that she had no family wasn’t pleasant, but the fact that Leslie worried about her well being made up for it. “Yes, of course. I’m honored.” “You’re so sweet,” he said bending to kiss her lips. She dodged his advance, smiling, but intent on getting everything out before she became mush. “Will Mina be all right you think while we’re gone?” “Yes, of course.” Leslie was good enough not to try and persist when he saw that she was nervous. “This will be the Smiths’ full time job.” “Yes, but it seems very soon to be leaving her entirely alone.” “She’ll enjoy getting mail from around the world,” Leslie offered, “and then the Smiths are her family too. She is very comfortable with them. Certainly she’ll miss your visits, but she will have the wedding to be excited about…there won’t be any tears.” “She is bubbling over being the flower girl.” “I’m so pleased. Unfortunately, Miss Talbot will be in attendance.” “She accepted at this late date?” Leslie nodded, “I don’t know if she is going to try and steal me away at the last moment or what.” “She better not,” Ella said laughing. He kissed the tip of her nose. “I’m so glad we invited Miss Breckenridge to be part of the wedding party.” “Yes, I hope it tips the scales with our friend: You know what they say about the best man and the maiden of honor.” “Do think they’ll be happy together?” This question truly haunted Ella. “Well, for one, you talk as if they are already engaged…as far as I know Colin has made no hint at an engagement. He is not as quick out of the barrel as I am. Then, who is to say which couples will find happiness and which will not? There is no accounting for it as far as I’m concerned.” Ella looked shocked. “Do you mean to say that you don’t think we’ll be happy?” He petted her hand, “goodness, I didn’t say that, but then you mistook my meaning: As for us we have true love, which is very different than everyday love. This type of thing does not occur everyday my dear. Don’t you see?” “So, we will be a happy couple.” “Happy isn’t the right word, radiant is closer, though nothing perfectly describes it.” “You’re a romantic Leslie.” “And aren’t you glad of it?” he said smiling. “Yes, but I worry that Colin will not be happy unless he has that true love.” “Well, I’m afraid what they have now is not true love, but then who is to say what close facsimile may grow from what they now have, especially with such a kind sweet person as Miss B. Surely she will make him an excellent wife.” “I hope if he cannot grow extremely fond of Miss B, as I wish him to, that Colin finds true love elsewhere…I don’t see how anything else can hold up.” Ella’s smile was a sad sort of ‘I’m glad we have found it’ type of look, and she closed her eyes as Leslie kissed her.
***
Colin stood in the doorway watching Ella silently, wishing. She was in the library, reading the last book he felt he would ever recommend for her. That thought bothered him more than anything else did. Ella looked up feeling his body’s presence. “What are you doing standing there Colin? Come in. Come sit with me.” She patted the desk, because Colin was in the habit of making tables and desks into places to perch. He came in silently, and sat half on the edge, one leg pulled up. He was feeling and looking rather intense at the moment. Ella was rather oblivious though, and Colin thought she had been so for at least a number of days now. At one time he thought she could always sense his moods. “How are you enjoying it?” he managed. “I’m not very far,” she said holding it up to his view. “So you don’t like it?” This thought was like a knife, because he had failed her for the last time. “I just haven’t had the time. Would you mind if I took it with me? It won’t get finished otherwise.” It was one of Colin’s own books. “No, take it with you.” Colin got up to leave. “Colin,” she called after him. He turned around. “I think we should have a chat, unless you are busy…I mean I would like to be able to talk.” Her eyes pleaded with him, and he couldn’t have refused if he had wanted to. He nodded his head, trying to appear lighthearted, but he suspected that his behavior of late had betrayed his underlying mood of melancholy. “Can we talk seriously for just a moment? I know there is a great deal of merriment at this time, and there will be until Leslie and I are off, but I need to touch base with you for just awhile…you are my corner stone, and I…” “Yes, go ahead, Ella, anything.” Ella looked down in her lap shyly, “Colin, do you, are you in love with Miss Breckenridge?” Colin blushed; he couldn’t help the reaction. “I…I think very highly of Miss Breckenridge.” “I’m sorry, perhaps it isn’t any of my business, but I felt I couldn’t stand leaving without being very sure that you were to be happy, to be taken care of even.” “Oh, you shouldn’t worry about me Ella, that shouldn’t be a burden to you.” Colin hated the thought that she might spend her time thinking or pitying his situation. “A burden? Certainly not! I meant that I care so deeply about you…I couldn’t stand thinking of you unhappy. Doesn’t a friend always feel this way about another friend.” “Forgive me, yes, of course.” “I didn’t wish to intrude, I’m sorry.” She looked at him with eyes, which appeared damp. His heart rose in his throat. “Perhaps there are things that were better left unsaid Ella, I’m sorry if I’ve caused you pain…” “No, no, you have never caused me pain Colin.” She rose and put her arms around his neck, shocking him, and causing his pulse to race more quickly, but feeling strangely comforted, even for that fleeting moment. She kissed his forehead. “I would change everything if I could Colin, I would. I would change it so that you weren’t left out of this picture, but I can’t, I can’t fix it, and it tears me up…I just wanted to believe that you had moved on. Have you Colin? Tell me that Miss Breckenridge has made up for this.” Her eyes were begging him to concede his love for Miss B, but while he felt that he might indeed marry the girl, he couldn’t say the words truthfully that she wanted to hear. “I’ve made my peace with the situation,” he finally managed after a moment of drawing breath. “Ella, what I want from you is so much more than what you can give, and so, only in my head can I live that dream. It isn’t your fault, and I don’t care for you or Leslie or Miss B any less for my own mess. Knowing that you exist in the world is good enough for me, even if you aren’t to be mine, and I know you aren’t.” She touched his cheek involuntarily. “Miss Breckenridge, I probably love her as much as you do me, or if I don’t now, I will in time, there is no reason for me not to.” “You, only, you have seemed rather distant just for the past few days, and I hated that Colin, I can’t stand to lose you…you mustn’t distance yourself from Leslie and me.” “Once you are back from Europe, things are liable to be very different…I will probably be engaged to Miss B, if not married, and you, well, you two will have been married for enough time, that…” he blushed, unable to continue. “But, what I mean to say is, that I will be able to deal with this much more rationally, it is just the inevitable I suppose, and then things will return to normal.” She kissed his forehead. “Colin, I’m sorry, I’m truly sorry, but I will be eclipsed by marital happiness, I have no doubt of that.” Colin nodded, but inside he couldn’t convince himself. ‘Only in my dreams can I treat you the way I want to treat you,’ he thought, and then vowed to banish his dreams forever…“happiness is a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which, if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”-Hawthorne.
***
As the boat pulled away from the shore, Leslie put his arm around Ella’s waist and glanced for a moment deeply into her eyes. She felt warm and complete. Perhaps at this moment she was the happiest she had ever been in her life, and upon feeling this immense calm and happiness, she knew she could look forward to a lifetime of such feelings. Leslie would always be there for her, and they would happily bring up a family together, unburdened by worries of money or disease. They looked back at the dock, where their friends and family stood, and both gave a hearty wave. The people waiting patiently on the shore to watch the young couple off were not being left behind, because each of their lives would go on turning as well towards their final destination, whatever that would be. Mr. and Mrs. Duncan stood smiling together, and waving, while Mr. Bayard appeared alone, having for once defied his wife, even in secret by appearing at an unholy event. He may have not waved, instead he stood hands deeply thrust in pockets, but he appeared satisfied, and the slight hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Colin stood with Miss B on his arm, and while she was gaily waving to Ella and Leslie, he had instead turned his eyes on her with a look not merely of complaisance, but with the small seeds of love, which each day, whether heeded or not had begun to take root. The rest were all well-wishers, which the young couple needed little of…they had the best beginning on life because they had loved through trying times and triumphed, growing closer. True love is not granted to the fainthearted.
The End
