Some of my favorite quotes, from the novels of one of my favorite authors... Elizabeth Peters.

Men are never of any use in an emergency.  Amelia Peabody, Crocodile on the Sandbank

"Women don't think.  A little forethought would prevent most of the suffering they constantly complain about."  Radcliffe Emerson, Ibid.

"Of all the ills on earth, an interfering female is the worst!"  R.E., Ibid.

Five years of marriage have taught me that even if one is unamused by the (presumed) wit of one's spouse, one does not say so....  Emerson is a remarkable person, considering that he is a man.  Which is not saying a great deal.  Amelia Peabody Emerson, Curse of the Pharaohs

Most men are reasonably useful in a crisis.  The difficulty lies in convincing them that the situation has reached a critical point.  A.P.E.,  Ibid.

"Yes; if he is rich, it is not surprising that someone should wish to kill him."  Daoud, Ibid.

It is a misconception that the innocent sleep well.  The worse a man is, the more profound his slumber; for if he had a conscience, he would not be a villain.   A.P.E., Ibid.

"It is impossible for any rational mind to follow the peculiar mental convolutions that pass for logic among the male sex,..."  A.P.E., Ibid.

"...marrying a woman who has already murdered one husband just isn't sensible.  A fellow would always be wondering if his morning coffee tasted peculiar."  Cyrus P. Vandergelt, Ibid.

...when one is striding bravely into the future, one cannot watch one's footing.  A.P.E. The Mummy Case

...I knew how Eve must have felt when she looked back at the flowers and lush foliage of Eden, from which she was forever barred.  (Another example of masculine duplicity, I might add.  Adam was under no compulsion to eat of the fruit, and his attempt to shift the blame onto his trusting spouse was, to say the least, unmanly.)  A.P.E. Ibid.

Martyrdom is often the result of excessive gullibility.  A.P.E. Ibid.

Men are by instinct untidy animals.  A.P.E. Lion In The Valley

That is so typical of men; they are always asking for something and then deciding they don't want it after all.  A.P.E.  Ibid.

Abdullah clapped his hand to his brow.  "Not a dead man, sitt.  Not another dead man."  A flicker of reviving hope returned to his stricken face.  "Is it a mummy you mean, sitt?  An old dead man?"  "I'm afraid this one is rather fresh,.."  A.P.E. Ibid.

Love,.. has a corrosive effect on the brain and the organs of moral responsibility.  A.P.E. Ibid.

"Let her?" Emerson repeated.  "I never let Mrs. Emerson do anything, young man.  I occasionally attempt to prevent her from carrying out her more harebrained suggestions, but I have never yet succeeded in doing so."  R.E.  Ibid.

"No woman wants to be carried off against her will; she only wants a man to want to do it!"  A.P.E.  Ibid.

"You never flatter me unless you have something to hide." "That is unjust, Emerson.  I have often " "Indeed?  I cannot remember when " "I have the greatest respect " "You constantly deceive and " "I " "You "  A.P.E. & R.E. Ibid.