GOD'S REVENGE AGAINST MURDERER Two young Men bathing in the River Yarrow, quarrelled, and in the heat of Passion, One stabbed the other to the Heart, with a Fish Spear; although stupefied with the Act, Self-preservation dictated the Concealment of the Body, which he buried deep in the Sands.  As the Meeting at the River was accidental, he was never suspected, although a visible Change was observed in his Behaviour, from Gaiety to a settled Melancholy.  Time passed on for the Space of Fifty Years when a Smith, fishing near the same place, discovered an uncommon and curious Bone, which he put in his Pocket, and afterwards accidentally showed to some Persons in his Smithy.  The Murderer being present, now an old white-headed Man, leaning on his Staff, desired a sight of it, but how horrible was the Issue! no sooner had He touched it, than it streamed with Blood; being told where the Bone was found, he confessed the Crime, was condemned, but was prevented by Death, from suffering the Punishment due to it. ~Stirlingshire, Eng., Circa 1750

1806 Advertisement Dr. Simon Ramrod has recently discovered a tincture made from the gridiron plant becomes a specific remedy for every complaint of mind or body to which human nature has been subject since the Flood.  It will also prevent accidents, quicken the circulation, and strengthen the muscles.  The following testimonials prove the efficacy of Ramrod's Tincture of Gridiron.

The subscriber has long been afflicted with the tooth-ache, to such a degree that nearly all his teeth have been drawn out; and, by an unjust sentence, he also, unfortunately, had both his ears cut off.  On applying the Tincture of Gridiron his teeth were restored, and his head was instantly supplied with as fine a pair of ears as he could boast of the day he was born. ~John Earwig

Sometime ago my house was very much infested with rats - and one day, while I sat brooding over my misfortunes, a large number of them suddenly came upon me, and eat me up.  I instantly took some of the Tincture of Gridiron, and found myself at ease, and have never been eaten since. ~Jack Recover

Walking, not long since, near the machinery of a mill, I was caught and carried between two cogwheels, and every bone in my body broken to pieces.  A phial of Ramrod's Tincture of Gridiron being thrown into the mill pond, I found myself restored and as whole and sound as a roach. ~Dick Whirligig

THIRTY DAYS HATH One of the most useful rhymes in the world is the familiar jingle beginning:  Thirty days hath September; and yet millions who repeat the verse never know the name of it's author.  From a book recently published, England as Seen by an American Banker, it appears that the rhyme was written by a school teacher in Newcastle-on-Tyne, named C.F. Springman.  He introduced into his school the idea of teaching history, geography and other branches through the medium of rhyme, and one day he hit upon this bit of jingle in order to impress upon the minds of the boys, in an indelible manner, the number of the days in the different months of the year.

IMPROVING THAT SPEECH Mark Twain's success on the platform is said to have been much greater after he did away with his manuscript.  From the written lecture, he came down to copious notes; from these to a little card with printed heads, which he put in his waistcoat pocket.  He dispensed with this by substituting a few marks on the back of his finger nails, and then he went it alone.

These odd, often satirical, items are from clippings in an old scrapbook of mine. I think they may be from an old Old Farmers Almanc.  I did e-mail OFA, asked if these belonged to them, and requested permission to post them here, but never received any response, so if there is a copyright on these and someone is offended, SORRY, but I did try. If you recognize these and can give me a citation for them, please e-mail me (below) ~Sara

Graphics courtesy of Cottonwood Designs