Scallywags comedy shows

Our Shows

We have a number of shows that we perform, from shows for children to educational shows to our all adult shows. We often do ad-lib street performing and we have many short comedy bits but what this page focuses on are the headlining shows we most often like to perform. Below will be a breif description of some of our favorite shows. Keep in mind if you haven't seen these shows yet and don't want them ruined then don't read them .
Every show comes free with "The Hammer of Doom", it is a large foam hammer that the crowd actually gets to beat the performes with when they mess up, and yes we do mess up.

The Peter Pain Show

This act was originally a much smaller bit from our very first show, it went so well we turned it into a whole show. The Peter Pan show is the story of Peter Pan told from a pirates point of veiw, thats right the real story. Of corse in our version , Pan is a middle aged pedofile that hangs out with the "Lost Boys". We attempt to tell the story but decided that it would be much easier if we had some actors to help out so we bring three people on stage. The first will be your avarage Joe , and he will play the part of Pan the other two aren't let in on what parts they play untill they are already on stage. The second will be a young lady that Cookie picks up on clear through the end of the show and she will play the part of Wendy, Hooks love interest. The third will almost always be one of the biggest guys in the crowd and after being fitted with a small pair of fairy wings he will play the part of Tinkerbell. Our own Captain Curry plays the Hero Captain Hook. we then re-enact the story from the point that Pan abducts Wendy through her and hook falling in love past the point Pans pet crocodile Dr.Teeth eats hooks hand and we end it when Tinkerbell is forced to get down on one knee and confess his undying love. We end the show with the audience voting for one out of three songs but oddly enough they always pick the dirty one.

There of course is so much more to the act...if you count one liners and sexual inuendo as more. This is always voted our most popular act please catch this one.

The Purple Pimp Show

For Her Honor

This show is often refered to as the "Pirate Test". We provide ourselves a plant in the crowd, usually Mac , who starts criticising the show. Of corse this starts a fight between the plant and Little Beard which brings Mac onto the stage. This leads to a fight between Little Beard and the Captain as to who is the better pirate. A bet is then made as Captain Curry takes Mac and Little Beard takes a lucky audience member and they have a contest as to who can train the best pirate. Little Beard manages to dress his pirate from the audience up as a purple pimp complete with pink boa. Then there is a somewhat rigged contest of pirate skill and knowledge between our guest and Mac. Mac finallly wins the contest and becomes the crews new pirate and our lucky contestent would normally get the ScallyWags home game but I'm sure they would just suck at that too. With our new pirate on board we spend the remainder of the show entertaining with ad-lib comedy and some of our favorite songs. It's a great show for humiliating a loved one.

Ya we kinda sing too

This is our all new show and I'm sure it will change the more chances we have to perform it. We get to test out our choriographed fencing skills in this one. Little Beard manages to ruin Captain Currys atempts on picking up a young lady in the audience. This leads to the Captian challanging Little Beard to a duel. Well all partys involved agree that the duel may not be for the best since if both the Captain and first mate die that leave Cookie to run the ship. So Big"N" is used as a stand in for the Captain. Big"N" fights for the honor of the poor girl the Captain has been picking up on and LittleBeard reluctantly fights for some sexist guy that laghed at one of his jokes. A well planned and entierly unbeleivable fencing mach follows leading to a pistol duel following that. All the while the two lucky audience members who have been chosen by our fighters get thoroly embarassed. There will be a new ending added to this show at the Great Plains Faire so be sure to let us know what you think.

As always the end of the show will be served with singing and a side of fries.

The Fencing Show

Oh yes I said we sing but I didn't say we were good at it. But come on how hard is it to sound like a bunch of rowdy drunk pirates. Originally we tried to keep from the "Pirate Singing Group" thing and stick just to the comedy but when we started doing comedic and dirty songs well then the reqests started rolling in. We have a huge list of songs rangeing from the very very dirty to kids songs. If you would like to get the lyrics to a few of the songs we perform go to the Pirate Music page. We are a comedy act and only do singing shows on request. Besides the requests make us feel better about our singing.

This show is always fun to do and is diffenrt every time. We started doing this show at Boy Scout events so it is very kid freindly, althought you wouldn't beleive how blood thirsty Boy Scouts are. This is also a very educational show. We have an alternate version of the show we do at school where we teach kids about pirate history and navigation. Keep in mind this show is for the adults as well. We bring fencing eqiuptment and hand it around giving a breif explination as to how and why it is used, we then perform different fights using alot of the same old regurgitated comedy we always do. Afterwards we do a breif segment on how to make boffer weapons ( foam padded weapons), these weapons are safe for kids and we've given whole classes on building them. We fight for a few minutes with the boffer weapons . The next step is of course the audience participation, two kids are picked from the crowd and each made captain of a ship they pick a crew, come up with there own pirate name and war cry and then have a battle of the crews to see who is the best pirate. We give the crowd a chance to vote on if they want more fencing or boffer combat. The show can of course go two ways but we always end it with letting children on stage to beat us with boffer wepons.

"Bar Wars"

Here we are guided through the true story of Star Wars told by Melvin Lucus, Gorges cousin who George stole all his ideas from. Well Melvin tells the original tale , a pirates story, known as "Bar Wars". We follow our hero Luke Guyjumper and his alchaholic mentor Ibe Gone Kanobee through an adventure trying to save their bar "The Rebles Rat Hole " from the evil forces of the bar across the port known as "The Empeirial Pub" run by the evil Dense Bladdar. Along the way Luke finds freinds in Hand Solo (which was a nick name created by his lonley sex life) and Humunga ( the guy so drunk that no one can understand what he is saying). After getting some valuble information from two prostitutes known as Double D and C cup , Luke learning the power of "The Force" and a Yoda musical number the gang has a battle that leaves Luke victorious with the girl. This one is not a show for the kids.

"The Pirate Dating Game"

"The ScallyWags and the Holly Grail"

If you thought the U.S. Government was full of conspiracy then you havent heard anything until you hear what the Royal Familys Covered up. For example they never talk about the time that King Arthur hung out with pirates. Here we spin the story of King Arthur, Brewmister Merlin and his best rum called "Excalibur", Sir DePantsalot, Gwen "A Beer!" and her twin sister Franchesca. You can hear the tail of the Holy Grail and why we don't have it today, you see men in drag and the crowd gets to join in as well. This is a rippin' good time and we all get to see our favorite wepons master "Rusty" in the head role.

What!...pirates can't date. well it's harder for us then you would think...we aren't all as suave as Johnny Depp. This whole show is an interactive Ad-lib show where is us pirates vs. some fine young ladys and heck maybe some guys in our viewing audience. Go ahead try to stump us or hopefully you win a date with a ScallyWag. There should be plenty of great puns from your favorite game and reality shows.