Growing Up (I) I got to know this girl through my parents recently. A mighty nice girl; sweet, demure, gentle and all that. We communicated rather well since she was only 1 year younger than me. We went outfor movies, talked over the phone etc. Till she did something, which I won't mention, made me find her rather childish. Despite having seen the world literally, she is still as childish as ever. Or rather, naive might be a better word. So, though she was really nice to me, I never did really appreciate it. But then again, it might be because of the fact that I hold rather high expectations of people whom I value and associate with. Judgements are made easily, especially first impressions. Expectations are built, especially if someone expects to travel withal their own or even grander circles. I met a couple of foreigners recently of whom I was rather impressed with. Perhaps being foreigners they have not been exposed to the ruthless and harsh reality of Singapore, they were very innocent and totally uncorrupted. To call them pure and untainted would be an understatement. In them, I saw happiness and all the expectations that I had of the world before I saw it for itself. In their eyes, I saw hope; through their voices, I experienced curiouristy and excitement-- something that had forsaken me once Pandora's box was opened to me. It was then when I realised that I was the naive one, the one who became immersed in life's robotic moments, while my friends wwere the lucky few who were still in touch with their own roots and nature. When I went to high school, I didnt meet people from all walks of life; every person I met along the corridor had either some superior connections to the financial world, the parliament or was simply too rich to bother about anything except dolling up. In other words, this rather prestigious school was a school for the rich and famous, the academically inclined and wealthy high school. Everyone there (well, almost) travelled in high circles and in time to come, being exposed to the hypocrisy, the betrayal, I grew to hate the world-- everything had to be useful. That was how expectations came about. I never really got to experience friendship in high school since I had to be wary about mixing with me. Acquaintances became important since you never knew what good they could do for you. No wonder they said that turning 18 is actually one's life's first turning point. It's when you get to reflect upon your life and grab a hold on yourself before you became too immersed in the horrifically malicious world. You get to look back at what you did. I saw myself turning mercenary-- something which made me detest myself for. High end stuff, greater friends became what I lived for. Sometimes to the extent of looking down on certain groups of people, though (fortunately) it has always been restricted to people who act high and mighty when they have got nothing to show off. People who do not utter a simple 'thank you' to shopkeepers but expect empress treatment. Ugh. Being mercenary and high handed actually degrades a person than to uplift one's status. To me, my yardstick for life is one that when I grow to a ripe old age of 70 or above, I want to be able to look back on my life and feel that I had actually lived, minus all the mercenary and degrading elements. kai 2000