| An air of Finality Where should I even start? I haven't written here in godzillion years. Really. It's been too long. Too many things have changed ever since I last wrote here. Things such as:- 1) Going on 23 this year (2005), 2) Going to graduate from Uni this summer 3) And gonna be gainfully employed in a few months time. 4) Broke up with Nick (the Nick which you all knew whom inspired a few entries), Feb 2005, after 5 tumultous years of being together. Too much has happened to be penned within 1 page of an online thing. I started this journal at the young, tender age of 18, while i was preparing for my As and from then, been peppering it with articles that I have written along the way. Then, I was young and eagerly anticipating everything that the world could give me, and thinking that life couldn't have been better ever. Fast forward to 2005. I can't say that life has been horrid because it has been a good 23 years that I have lived. I still have my fantastic family (incl. my dad who just had a bypass op, which worried us till no end. Thankfully, he's now at home, recuperating as we speak/I write) and a promising future ahead, as I would think of it so. But all the same, I can't say that life has been fantastic all the way- there has to be the downs somewhere eh? The blow that life dealt me, came in the form of a betrayal by the person I valued the most in my life (then). His betrayal was unexpected to the me, who was kept in the dark all the while (though many other friends actually saw it coming. How, I do not know and neither do I wish to know.) Not once, not twice but even more. He never thought about how selfish his actions were, how his actions would hurt me so. Chasing skirts it seemed, was his pastime, which I did not know about. The brutality of it hurt me so, and I put everything to an end. Even then, he could not look into my eyes to fess up on his acts like how a man should be. I erred, in my belief that he was that special someone. More importantly, I erred in my judgment. That hit me hard. Because, it made me realise that even I was vulnerable to the fanciful masks that people adorn easily. Maybe that was life's warning to me. That you cannot never trust men that much. That you can never trust anyone but your own family. And I heeded it well. From then on, my trust in mankind wavered. And I became jaded with life. I am past the stage of hating him, though sometimes I find myself thinking back as to why and how he could have done this to me. For now, I live for the moment. I have the most fantastic family, lovely friends who will do anything for me and I found a man who loved me for all my goods and flaws. All these factors, gave me the strength to stand up and to find myself once again. I am still writing thesedays. Just not here anymore. Would prefer to keep this page in the pristine condition it is in, as a keepsake, a memory of the once innocent and eager eyed teenager who thought the world was beautiful. And not taint it with my more worldly outlook on life. It's a place where I will return from time to time, to look at the things I have written. A haven of sorts, I see it to be. If you are interested, you can mail me at sunshine[dot]heaven[at]gmail[dot]com to find out more. I am not exactly keen on leaving my prints all over cyberspace aka letting people know where my journal is, without knowing who these people are. Privacy has been a stickler with me. In the meantime, for those who do drop by, do take care and if fate has it, we will meet one day again. If we don't ever meet, rest assured that I am happy with my life. And during the times when I am down and out, I know that I have the strength within, to face the elements and fight them off single-handedly. Because I am a strong woman now. Au revoir Kai, April 9th, 2005 |