copyright © Andi Dawson
I’ve been sitting here thinking for some time now about the series of events that brought me here. The only thing I’ve come up with so far is that if there is someone in your life that you hate, it is understandable if you never want to see them. Similarly, if there is someone in your life that you love, it isn’t wrong to want to spend every minute of every day with them. So, what if you thought you hated someone and then it turned out that you loved them, what happens then? I can tell you that first of all you get stressed, maybe then, you get upset, but inevitably, you get confused. Hate is a very simple emotion, but love can be unbearable and replacing one with the other is not wise. It can ruin a person, not knowing whether you want to kiss someone or kill them, but this is how I feel about Sarah. I hated her with a passion, but then I realised I loved her and these two feelings tore me apart.
Two weeks ago I knew that I totally hated her. She is Dave’s younger sister and she has been a pain in the backside for as long as I can remember. I have been best friends with Dave for fifteen years, since we were five, and we have spent many evenings slagging her off for being so annoying and childish. But, two weeks ago Dave threw a party while their parents were away on holiday and after drinking far too much Aftershock I ended up shagging Sarah in her parent’s bed. I woke up the next day with a huge hangover and a side-order of guilt. Sarah was nowhere to be seen and I didn’t go looking for her; I didn’t want to bump into Dave so I just left without saying a word to anyone.
He rang me every day for a week before I plucked up the courage to go and see him. I didn’t get a chance to say anything about Sarah, as he went spare as soon as I walked through the door. He wasn’t mad at me, well he was, but he didn’t know it. He was made at the ‘tosser’ who shagged his sister and he wanted me to help him find out who it was. He went on for ages about how she had bragged about it, but hadn’t said who it was and he was dying to know. In the middle of it all Sarah walked in from the garden, she had been sunbathing in the tiniest bikini ever made and hell, she looked great. I watched her cross the kitchen and head upstairs, as Dave said about how he was gonna kill the ‘wanker’ who had screwed her. I told him I needed a slash and ran up the stairs two at a time; I headed to Sarah’s room.
I didn’t even knock; I just walked right in, spun her round on her heels and kissed her. It felt so good, but I knew that it was wrong so I pulled away and went to the bathroom. I had a wank there and then, in my best friend’s bathroom, thinking of his sister; then I threw up. I ran out the house, shouting an excuse to Dave about how my mom had called and asked me to go home and help her with something. I know I should have just owned up and told him, but there was no way I was gonna get into a fight with my best friend over his sister.
I went home and sat in my room for hours, trying to think of a solution. The only solution I came up with was to go back to hating Sarah and not to kiss her or touch her again. Leaving the house the next day I was certain that I would be able to cope, until I walked into Dave’s street and saw her. I got butterflies in my stomach, my mouth went dry and I got a semi as she shimmied down the street; she was walking away from me, her tiny denim skirt only just covering her ass. I had never looked at her like that before the party and I told myself that I would never look at her like that again.
She was in the living room when I walked through the door. She looked very sexy, her long legs were toned and tanned and her ass was firm, the retro t-shirt she wore was baggy, but tight enough to show off her great tits; so much for not looking at her like that again. I couldn’t help myself and before she could say hello, I was kissing her again. She kissed me back and I knew that she wanted me too; her hands were all over me. I pulled away just as Dave walked in from the kitchen; it was too close for comfort. Sarah left the room and I tried to hide my semi as he sat down and started to talk about the latest information he’d got about the party.
Apparently, Mark, a mate of ours, had seen me going into the bedroom after a girl, but he hadn’t seen who the girl was and Dave wanted me to tell him. Of course, I couldn’t tell him who it was and my brain wasn’t working fast enough to come up with a good lie, so I just told him I was so pissed that night I couldn’t remember. He stared at me for a long time, before he laughed and called me a dog; I passed his test with flying colours. He didn’t suspect me at all and as he got me a coke from the fridge, the guilt in my guts churned over and over. I would have to tell him that I wanted his sister, his seventeen year old sister; he was gonna kill me. Before I was gonna ruin our friendship though, I had to know whether Sarah was up for a relationship, or if it was a one-night stand; there was no point pissing my best mate off, if she wasn’t up for anything. I put the coke down, grabbed a newspaper and told him I was going for a dump; as I walked up the stairs he put the PS2 on.
Sarah’s door was lying open as I reached the landing; she was lying on her bed reading a magazine as I entered the room. She didn’t even flinch as I sat down beside her, not even a flicker of recognition. I felt my semi coming back as I looked at her ass, but I managed to control myself and speak instead of kissing her bare legs. I told her that what happened the other night was brilliant and that although we had never got on I thought she was great and that I’d like to see her, in a girlfriend type way in the future. I also told her that Dave would flip if he found out, but that I was willing to deal with that, if she wanted me to.
She just lay there, looking at me with those fantastic blue eyes and said something along the lines of ‘whatever’. I continued telling her that I wanted to do her every time I saw her and that the night of the party was the best I’d ever had; she said she’d enjoyed it too, but that she wasn’t about to rush into a serious relationship just because one shag had been good. I told her that based on that first night, our sex life would be fantastic and that I was sure we’d have plenty of other things in common. I tried to explain that I didn’t see her as Dave’s annoying little sister anymore, but a beautiful young woman; a beautiful young woman that I wanted to be with and share bodily fluids with. I wasn’t trying to win ‘romancer of the year’ or anything, I just wanted to let her know that I fancied the arse off her. I think most women actually like men to be that forward and she definitely seemed to like what I was saying as she kissed me.
As fate would have it, that was the moment that Dave chose to walk into the room. I was caught feeling up his sister and his reaction was expected, if a little harsh; he was furious. He grabbed me by my top and pulled me off the bed, before punching me in the face. I had never heard Dave scream before, but that was what he did as I fell to the floor; he screamed like a mad man. I didn’t cower in the corner or try to run away, I took my beating like a man and hoped that Sarah would come to my rescue and pull him off me. However, she didn’t do this and he didn’t stop, which is why I ended up here.
My mom and dad have visited me a few times now, but the hospital is so far away and they don’t have a car so it’s difficult for them to get here. Mark has been once, although he only came to deliver a warning from Dave. Apparently, Sarah told Dave that she had been so drunk at the party that she didn’t really know what she was doing. She told him that I took advantage of the situation, but that I didn’t hurt her and she’d shagged plenty of men when she’d had a few drinks too many. She apparently made him promise that he won’t go to the police, but Mark told me that Dave wants to kill me and that I should watch my back when I get out of hospital.
One of the things I've really come to realise after sitting here thinking, is that I've ruined fifteen years of friendship because I got drunk and screwed a girl I shouldn’t have screwed. I crossed a line and not only that, I didn’t own up to it and Dave now has a right to hate me, as we once hated Sarah. I should have thought of our friendship before doing what I did; I should have kept my dick in my trousers, or at least out of my best friend's sister.
