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Breast Cancer
& Me |
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During the radiation therapy, my chest was badly burned and I just couldn't wear my prothesis. My friends at work didn't seem to mind my lopsidedness and I became very comfortable with my new look. Even though the burns have healed now, I have decided not to wear the prothesis--it's just not me. I didn't take it along on my cruise and even on formal night in an evening gown or snorkeling in a bathing suit, I never got a second glance. |
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My husband recently wrote this poem about his experience of my cancer:
OK OK Keep your shoes on
The better for to leave
The fizz of July in a cocktail glass
Inhale a month of Sundays
It tickles It refreshes
Like the previous year evaporating
Off your skin
And good riddance to you sir
Off you go
Leaving a thorn in ones paw
A veil over ones eyes, a surgical
Balloon in ones heart, an I.V. needle,
A blood pressure cuff
A little of the aroma of bandage
Band-aid, a band of blood kin
They used to say, plus glue
Gently pry that door ajar
We don’t care to stay here no more
What isn’t white is just
white painted over
And that deafening alarm’s
Painted over with silence
So reduce and deny and
Let it go by and fizz
Tiny bubbles get bigger as they rise
Tiny seeds of air for future fruit
Not aloof not underfoot
But a little immense –
Present tense |
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While attending a conference in Florida in May of 2002, I stayed at a hotel that had a lot of mirrors in the dressing room. Walking from the shower one morning, something caught my eye--an unusual dark splotch on my right breast. I went to a GYN as soon as I returned home and was told that I had a rare form of breast cancer, with not much hope of survival beyond one year. I walked out of his office and never went back. Instead, I contacted the Breast Center at Johns Hopkins where, indeed, I was diagnosed with stage 3B inflammatory breast cancer. There, however, my caregivers gave me confidence that I could recover from this illness. |
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Throughout my illness I experienced the love and care of my family and friends. I benefitted from your good thoughts, positive vibes, prayers, meditations, incantations, and healing energy. Your well wishes strengthened and inspired me and continue to do so. |
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When we talk about people with cancer, we often use a warrior or battle metaphor. For me, it just didn't fit. I didn't want to put up a brave fight or lose a battle with the disease. Instead, I feel like I met a stranger who walked with me on a journey. For now, the stranger has chosen another path, though he lingers in the distance. |
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And recover I did! I had 3 months of chemotherapy (Adriamycin & Cytoxan) before my modified radical mastectomy. During the surgery, the doctor removed 14 lymph nodes, 5 of which were positive for cancer. Then I had 3 more months of chemo (Taxotere). Six weeks of daily radiation capped off the intensive portion of my treatment. Now I just take Tamoxifen every day. I know that I am at risk for a reocurrence, but right now my check-ups are good and I feel fine. |
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I also have trouble with the phrase, "cancer survivor". I am comitted to survival, but I really want so much more. Mere survival is only the most basic measure of existence. Necessary, but not sufficient. |
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Back to Index--> |
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On to Cruise Photos--> |
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If you need companionship or help while on your own journey, or know someone who does, please e-mail me at dnmi50@hotmail.com. For medical information on breast cancer, go directly to the experts. The Breast Center at Johns Hopkins is staffed by caring and knowledgeable people from many specialties. Lillie Shockney, The Breast Center's Director of Education and Outreach is a breast cancer more-than-"survivor" herself. The "Ask an Expert" section of their website is particularly helpful |
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On to Jazz Notes--> |
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Sign My Guest Book!--> |
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I highly recommend the book, Your Breast Cancer Treatment Handbook by Judy C Kneece. It contains lots of information presented in a gentle, matter-of-fact, understandable way. It is available from EduCare Inc. 211 Medical Circle West Columbia, SC 29169. You can call them at 1-800-849-9271 or visit their website: educareinc.com
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I am honored to have Sue Lyon's copy of this book. |
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Want to do something to help? Buy Breast Cancer Research postage stamps. They cost 45 cents, so every time that you purchase one, the Post Office donates 8 cents to help find a cure. Click on the stamp for more information. |
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