What Does He Want From Me

I sit here and ponder life's complexities.

Trying desperately to answer questions that at times seem far beyond my ability to comprehend, much less answer.

What does He want from me.

Funny this started out to be a question about a special friend, and when I looked again, it hit me.

What does He want from me.

I quickly replaced the "he" in the question with He.

I took an introspective look within me.

What really does He want from me.

I can easily tell Him what I want from Him.. but really...

What does He want from me.

For if I do not know what my Lord wants from me, then how can I know what is the purpose for this life of mine.

Why does He use me so, always pulling at me yet never telling me my purpose.

Yet I hear it echo out of many mouths of friends.. a gentle "thank you".. a stronger "I care".. and yet an even stronger "I love you"...

Is this my purpose?

I look back on a life, one that seems so separate now.

One filled with meaning, fraught with lots of mistakes, of bringing up babies, of caring for foster children having babies, yet being almost babies themselves.

I smile. It gives me some comfort.

I look back on a lot of misery, of desperation at times, not knowing where the next meal will come from or how to pay bills with nothing, yet I see my Lord, each time smiling on me and giving me what I need at the time.

Is my cross one of caring too much.. for at times it can be very heavy. How does one stop caring...

How does one turn their heart "off".

What does He want from me?

Soft Pink Pajamas