Author: Grazi
Summary: Once and Again – Season 3 – Grace and Mr. Dimitri's Story
Note: I was just wondering how it would be if Grace refuses to be resigned to herself and Mr. Dimitri. This is an epistle style story...
Letter 1 - "The Day After"
My feelings, I'll leave them right where they are, I don't think it's necessary to analyze it, comment it or relive it.
I am here just to end my journal, the journal that at the beginning of the school year you insisted that I keep. I don't see why I should keep it, not without you to encourage me, correct me and help me...
Today I woke up and decided that I was going to look for you. I thought in many ways to try to find you, to talk to you. I thought that maybe it would be better if I just write to you. What other way could we communicate to each other but this?! So, here I am then. I intend to leave this letter in your house. How, I don't have any idea yet, but I think it can't hurt to let it fall down in your post mailbox, just like that... I know that it's a big risk I am taking because maybe you wouldn't read it, but if you’ve come to this line already, nothing else could stop you from finishing this letter (neither do I).
Mr. Dimitri – you know what? I am going to give myself the right to call you August. Yesterday, after I got home from the meeting with the principal, I read the story you told me to read... "On Love" by Chekhov, without any question, says everything I’m feeling right now. I cried from the moment he sees himself falling in love until the end of the story. I think it's because it's such a beautiful story and maybe because I would love to be gifted with that kind of resignation which you seemed to have. Maybe this is my most needed necessity. The guilt may be my "youth" but whatever is, I never could be happy without trying.
Today, after our undesired farewell, after a night of thinking and trying to make sense of…I won’t cry. These last months, I had such incredible and happy days and that's why, whatever happens in my life in the future, I won't be able to say that I didn't enjoy the purest happiness in life.
Years from now I’ll never think about the past with sadness, I’ll never insist on imagining everything in a different way, I won't think "how it could have been...", it's only because that what I lived, was started from spending these past few months knowing an incredible teacher whom I would love to call, at least: "My friend".
But for now something inside me still tells me that it wasn't enough, that much more could have been. And those moments that I keep with me, they are mine, nobody can take that away from me. Nobody! And that's what is important to me, that's enough. It's something I will have to remember for the rest of my life. For me, this little bit of you I had is everything. After all, as you like to say, everything means "something".
You made me express what I want and what I need through my writing, through my stories – whether I had the end figured out or not... You believed in me from the start and that's why I am here, to say that I believe in you too. I always did.
I want to say thank you. You can't imagine how much you helped me and how much I am grateful to you for that.
I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you know the importance of your presence in my life, as much as your absence will torment me. I might seem naive, after all, you went away yesterday, but the eternity between yesterday and today makes me see the eternity between today and tomorrow with you gone.
I'll be thinking about you. Imagining and wondering about your future words in your future poems, in your future stories, preparing for all the others that will come.
Thank you not for the time you spent in my life, but for keeping with me, for remaining in my life.
I am not going to say "Goodbye" but I am going to say: "See you soon!" I am sure of that!!!
Love always,
Grace
