4/1/01: Two Tales from the Bar Circuit

Tale #1: The Legend of the Strange Bar

I was hanging out with Reneau-chan and Paloma the dove (that's what I call her since, well, duh) and some other people, for Reneau's birthday party. This was a while ago. And this girl who was there, who I liked a lot but (predictably, since I'm missing some important brain cell no doubt) I can't remember her name. Anyway, this girl told me the Legend of the Strange Bar, which follows.

Somewhere in lower Manhattan there is a very strange bar called "The Land of Milk and Honey" or something to that effect. It's hard to find - there's no sign, and you basically have to go up an elevator, down a long hallway, and stand outside the door where the camera can see you. When the light turns green, you can go in. What actually goes on at the bar is strange too: the music is apparently very quiet, the bartenders dress in pinstripes with sleeve garters and, one would imagine, handlebar mustaches, though that last detail is purely conjecture. There are strange rules: you must stay seated, and no man can speak to a woman to whom he has not been introduced.

Even stranger is the inaccessibility of the bar. As my informant informs me, the only way you can go is if you get a reservation, and the only way to get the reservation is to call, and the only way you can call is if you have the number. And the number is unlisted and it frequently changes.

One must wonder: what's the friggin' point? I mean, this would make you infinitely cool, naturally, but come on, children, let's get over ourselves.

Tale #2: The Naked Marines in a Trench

I was out with Jenny-chan on St Patrick's Day and an old friend of hers decided to tell us the following story.

When Jenny's friend the marine was serving in Macedonia, they had to take field showers in a ditch. What this amounted to is, they had to pour water from jugs all over themselves, standing naked in a ditch, as village women walked their goats back and forth and back and forth.

I inquired: Were they doing it on purpose?

The gist of the response was, Quite possibly, yes.

I just like that. Naked Marines in a Trench. That's GREAT, man. It would be better if the naked marines were Hugh Jackman, Colin Ferrell, Ewan McGregor, and Heath Ledger. But that goes almost without saying.

BTW, you'll have to see Tigerland to really understand about Colin Farrell. My goodness, yes.