5/27/02: So Much I Can’t Believe It
So last night I was cleaning my apartment, and I was carrying a bag of garbage toward the front hall when I banged my foot against the bedroom door really badly. The initial shock of pain gave way for a second and I stood still, balancing on one foot, holding the bag of garbage in one hand. Then, very calmly, I put the bag of garbage in the front hall, came back in my room, sat down on the floor, and grabbed a sweater that was on the floor. Then I began to scream and howl. It hurt so much. Just hurt, just hurt so much. I couldn’t believe it. I screamed and howled and sobbed, muffling it slightly with the sweater, for a few minutes, until I could compose myself again. Then I got the ice pack I keep in the freezer, and calmly looked at the damage. Very bloody, but not broken. I held the ice pack to my foot and tried not to think about the pain.
Tonight on the phone my boy said something about his passport. He can’t find his passport so he needs to put a rush on getting a new one. You need to put a rush on it when you want it within two weeks. Because he’s leaving in two weeks. I told him to get going on that, and then very calmly hung up the phone. I had known that it was coming up but the two week mark just hadn’t occurred to me. So I very calmly put a blank tape in the VCR to tape the Trading Spaces marathon. And I made a list of things to do. And I bought some cheese and crackers and some beer. And now I’m sitting down, knowing that any second now it’s going to start hurting so much. Just hurt, just hurt so much that I won’t be able to believe it. I also know that I’m going to be able to numb it a bit and that it really won’t be so bad in the long run and that it will eventually stop hurting. But for right now I just really can’t think about it.