11/27/00: On Being Attached to Places
I'm so strange this way -- even a place I'm not crazy about, or a place that is relatively meaningless to me, I have trouble saying goodbye to it. It's not so much that I'll miss it, but I think the finality of giving over my keys, or sweeping the floor, that last look around the place -- the knowing that I can never go back there, even if I wanted to -- it gets me.
It was weird to move out of the apartment. I had lived there for over a year, which is the longest I'd lived in one place in four years. My roommate had left me a very kind note on the table which informed me very kindly that if I didn't very kindly dismantle and remove my loft bed from my room before I left, I would lose my security deposit. Fer crissakes, of course I was going to get it. Who does she think I am? But I digress.
I took that last look around. It was a good apartment. A nice little room. My comfy loft bed, like a nest, that had known a few adventures. The living room where I kissed the-boy-who-is-single-now. The roof where I sat with Juliet, singing and playing the guitar all night until the sun came up. The convenience of having laundry in the basement, even if it is terrifying. It was the place I moved to just after I came back from Greece, when I was still tan and a little loopy about what had gone on with Luke.
No more doorman, no more maitenence, no more sneaking up the fire escape when I get locked out, no more hanging out at Barnes and Nobles to watch the cute boys. No more of my old roommates. I can live with that. No more signs from the gods! Now that sucks!
At least I got an apartment at the last second, so I didn't have to move in with my dad. The new place in Queens is great, nice big room, lower rent, a nice roommate, lots of light, it's like a home. A few months from now, I'll be missing it, too.
As Ani DiFranco says, "I have left everywhere that I have ever been. Don't really recommend it, though. Not like anyone asked me."
My writing workshop teachers always said, "don't end an essay with a quote from someone else."