We are a caring, loving group of individuals who only want what's best for you, and for our great nation as a whole. Since we are sure that you love this nation, what is best for it will also be best for you. We pride ourselves on maintaining the efficiency and happiness of our fellow citizens by relieving them of their free will and individuality. We also quickly remove any citizens whose views might damage your otherwise perfect life.
Some people insist that we are a "secret police" whose job it is to enforce and evil regime. This is laughable. How can we be a secret police if our existence is not a secret? Our actions are shown to all, to be approved and commended for the service we provide. We do not operate in shadows and we are not ashamed of what we do. It is useless to blame us, for we are secure in the comfort that what we are doing is for the best of our nation and our nation's industrious citizens.
Others might even say that we have stolen power for ourselves. This is also a stupid concept. Our noble leader is in control. You need only read our Constitution to understand this. Though it is occasionally necessary to operate without the immediate consent of our leader, we know that we will always be supported by this greatest and most noble citizen.
Rest assured, we are working for you.