Mildly Insane Matilda's Haven for escaped mental patients and Emporium.
-Since 180 A.D.
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Commiserations, you've stumbled upon a stagnant wasteland. Apologies to all you innocents who really don't deserve it. Ahh well, if you get out alive be sure to e-mail me and tell me what it's like! Remember, don't ask anyone here for directions and be sure to look round corners before you turn them.
Strangenesses,
Matilda (The Mildly Insane)

News!

Archpriest returns.
The Archpriest has returned to the Emporium, approximately sixteen minutes after his disappearance.  He found, upon his return, the entire household in frenzy at his escape.  “We remember the last time he disappeared!” explained the Empress of Russia, “that’s certainly the closest I’ve ever been to an apocalypse.”  The archpriest commented that he was touched that his fellow patients were so afraid of his destructive potential, but that he had only been out to buy some Prawn Cocktail flavoured crisps fro his sacrificial goat.  The goat was heard to remark that this was its second favourite flavour, saying, “I prefer Chicken, but they don’t sell them at the corner-shop.”
When asked to comment on the matter, Mildly Insane Matilda (the Emporium’s founder and patron) said only “I’m taking no more chances.  Security measures are being taken on the Archpriest.” She added, “I have arranged for crisps for the goat to be delivered.  He deserves it, seeing as he’s been sacrificed so many times.”
“We are very relieved that the Archpriest’s mission was so mundane.” Said a spokesperson for local company Highly Suspicious Passports R Us™, “his last escapade destroyed all our bugles!”
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Unfortunates have visited this site.
I'm introducing some new rules to try and recuce the number of visits Military Intelligence have to pay here. Please, people,
1. No unlicenced swords.
2. No beavers (except guide beavers).
3. No more eating the wallpaper glue.
4. no animated paperclips. No way, jose.

My crystal ball has a hairline fracture so you'll only be able to reach me by e-mail - mad_matilda@yahoo.co.uk
Relief: Archpriest
New Patient arrives, only to stir up trouble…
Welcome to our newest patient, the Prince of the Trees!  He joined our society after escaping form his evil uncle who stole his rightful throne.  He related his story at great length to the other patients.  One disgruntled listener said “We’ve all heard the one about the evil uncle before!  Noggin the Nog had this problem, and do you hear him telling people about it?”
In response to this, the Prince shouted, “Elves tell me to burn things!”
A shouting match ensued, in which several residents lost their dignity.  One even lost a vital organ.  “No big deal,” he said, “just took some Valium and stitched myself up again.”  Luckily, he had been a medieval surgeon in a past life.