Gundam Wing Presents How To Pick Up Men by Lady Aishiteru With help from Kristine Mariemeia: Hello, and welcome to GWW101. Relena: How to pick up men! Mariemeia: Quiet, you. Let me finish. Une: *glares at Relena* Relena: ........... Mariemeia: Here, we, the women, will offer our advice on how to get a man. Dorothy:....Hn...I think your wheels need some oiling...grins evilly Mariemeia: Nooooooo! Dorothy greases the wheels with enough WD-40 to lubricate an elephant Mariemeia: Ahhhhhhhhh! Relena: Now...to begin! Relena: If he holds you up at gunpoint, that means he likes you. * I'm Queen of the World! 'Nuff said! All: sweatdrops * Think...pink! Dorothy: Pink, as in that obnoxious pink limo? Ugh! Relena: Like you should talk, eyebrow girl! Pink is the way to go! Dorothy: Yeah, but a pink limo...it's just too much! It hurts my eyeeees! Relena: (takes out a picture of her car) like...THIS? Dorothy: Noooo! Itai! I've gone blind...rubs temples * When someone says you're wrong, simply say, "I'm not...because I'm Relena Peacecraft." Dorothy: rubbing eyes with fists Yes..Relena-sama... Noin: Always...always keep your hands off his mask...very touchy...Do not mess with it...or his hair for that matter! Hilde: Yeah, never, EVER offer to cut his hair! * If all else fails, remember that long braids are great for strangling, or you can simply grab hold of it and drag him off.... Dorothy: A fencing pole is handy too, if you can't find a gun... Catherine: Knives are also good. Or you can just slap him silly... Relena: I don't know WHAT you guys are talking about.... hides her gun Dorothy: And if you really want their attention...poke them with your six inch long eyebrows.... * Fencing is a great get-to-know-you tool! Especially if you win...And if you DON'T win..well, you always have the option of stabbing them...especially when the opponent is a blonde.. Relena: Always with the stabbing, isn't it, Dorothy? Dorothy:..........draws sword BANZAIII! Relena: AHHH! HEERO! Sally: If all else fails...pretend you're weak...then when his guards are down, hit him from behind! * Never, ever respond to "Onna." * Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT touch the katana! * If you should happen to scratch his Gundam...face up to him like a real woman. Then fake cramps like a woman....even the most powerful Gundam pilot is afraid of the big red monster. Wufei:The big, red monster? You mean Epyon? Sally: No. Wufei: Mercurius? Sally: No. raises eyebrow CRAMPS! Wufei: CRAMPS? WHERE? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (runs away screaming) Sally: *laughs* Une: Develop a really nasty personna. And don't forget to have a split personality! * Remember, glasses make the woman... * Stay away from bakeries.... he might mistake a cinammon roll for your hair. * Let no man come between you and your morning cup of coffee. Noin: That explains a lot.... Une: *puts on glasses* All: Nooooooo! Une: MWA HA HA HA HA! Sally: Bring the men in white! NOW! Une: Trieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze! Une is dragged off kicking and screaming Dorothy: Aha! I've got you now, Queenie! Relena: That's it! It's GO time! Relena gets out self detonator Dorothy: Aieeeeee! I surrender! Relena: presses switch I'M QUEEN OF THE WORLD! MWA HA HA HA HA! Nothing happens Relena: Nani? Presses switch frantically Oh, poopie! Runs away HEERO!!! Wing Gundam appears out of nowhere and puts foot through roof. Relena climbs on to the right hand. Relena: sticks out her tongue at everyone Nyah! KA-BOOM! Catherine: rubs temples Who am I? Who are you? Where am I? Sally: NATAKUUUUUUUU!!! Hilde: Must...find...Herbal Essence... Dorothy: We shouldn't be fighting at all! rubs side*itai* Noin: GIMME MY MASK! Une: looks at Hilde Draw me a bath, wench! And don't skimp on the rose scented bubble bath! Mariemeia, who has found a rocket pack and attached it to her wheelchair, zooms into the room. She looks at the unholy carnage around her and shakes her head. Mariemeia: Well, I guess that's it. Mumbling Idiots. To think I'll grow up to be one of THEM! Lady A: Whew! I finally finished! Why do all of my GW comedy fics I write lately involve explosions? Oh well.