| Tell Her The Lights Still On For Her Disclaimer: Paramount own the rights to Star Trek and everything relating to it. Author’s note: I was asked to write a sequel, to “I Don’t Know Why” which I wrote after hearing a sad Reba McEntire song… so I did!! This story belongs to me….feedback welcome. Rating: 13 B’Elanna peered into the mirror on her dressing table, checking her make-up. She watched Tom behind her buttoning up his shirt. Her Klingon ridges wrinkled as she frowned. “Tom, are you sure this is a good idea?” She asked her husband. She’d spoken in a whisper, and Tom did the same when he replied, frightened Chakotay would overhear them. “Of course…they just need to talk to each other, sort things out.” “But….” “B’Elanna, they still love one another, they practically told us so. It’ll be alright, you see, one day they’ll thank us for this.” “I hope you’re right.” B’Elanna was doubtful “Have I ever been wrong?” Tom replied, kissing the top of her head. B’Elanna sighed. She had a feeling that by the end of the evening they might just lose the two best friends that they had. She rose off the stool. “I’ll just go and make sure that the kids are okay before we leave.” “I’ll be downstairs.” He informed her. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Downstairs Chakotay gingerly sat himself down on Tom’s reclining chair. He was weary of it tipping backwards and finding himself with his feet in the air. He never understood just why Tom had loved it. Made from a genuine 20th Century design, B’Elanna had surprised him with it last year on his birthday. Last year…his mind went back to Tom’s birthday last year. Him and Kathryn had been invited for dinner. He remembered that they had been thirty minutes late; that a small kiss before leaving had resulted in passionate, albeit brief, lovemaking. Kathryn’s ruffled hair and their swollen lips were enough of an explanation once they’d arrived. Gods, sometimes they’d been so good together, the years spent waiting for her made worth it. He’d never imagined a day in his life without her….after all those years by her side….Now, he found it impossible to think that they’d ever speak again. “Hey Chakotay!” Chakotay pulled himself together, aware that he hadn’t heard anything that Tom had said to him. “Sorry…” Tom smiled apologetically “You were miles away! We’re off now. The kids should be fine, if they wake up; B’Elanna has left some juice by their beds. Just give them that and they should settle back down..” Chakotay smiled “Should?” “You’ll be fine, you know how much they love their uncle Chakotay! If you want a beer, there’s some in the fridge,” he said, referring to another of his gadgets. “Feel free to watch the TV if you want!” Tom pointed to his pride of joy in the middle of the room. “No thanks Tom, I think that I can do without watching some violent 20th century gangland film!” “If you change your mind, the buttons are down the edge of the armchair!” B’Elanna appeared behind Tom pulling on her coat “Chakotay, if you have any problems, contact us, okay?” The door chime rang and B’Elanna went out of the room. “Stop worrying you two, I’ll be fine, the kids will be fine! I’m just going to sit in this…armchair…and read my book. Go and have a nice time!” Chakotay smiled and Tom returned it before leaving the room. Chakotay heard them leave and stood, sighing as he headed towards the replicator. “Herbal tea, hot,” he instructed. He sensed someone else was in the room and stiffened. A familiar fragrance of jasmine filled the air and he heard a murmur. His stomach tightened. Kathryn stood frozen to the spot. Her eyes were travelling over Chakotay’s back, her mind racing. She tried to move, but couldn’t and deep down she knew that she didn’t want to. She’d heard herself whisper his name and covered her mouth with her hand as he turned to look at her. Their eyes locked. He was just as surprised to see her. She could see that her being there was painful for him, hell; it wasn’t exactly fun for her. Tears threatened to over-whelm her and she fought to control them. Chakotay felt sick. Even after all this time he still loved her, wanted her, hadn’t he told Tom that the other day? She looked thinner, the dark circles informing him that she hadn’t been sleeping well. A few months ago he would have taken care of her, ran her a bath, held her in his arms until she feel asleep….Spirits, don’t let me think these thoughts. His heart ached as he remembered how she’d felt under his touch. He still longed for her…he thought that he’d been coping, but he’d been fooling himself. It was easy to cope when he hadn’t seen her, when they hadn’t spoken, but now he felt as though someone had punched him in the gut. The tea materialised in the replicator, the sound piercing the air. He was grateful of the interruption and broke away from her gaze, so tender yet so full of hurt. He turned, his back to her and spoke “Coffee?” His voice was strained. She watched him, her eyes following the width of his shoulders, moving down his back. She remembered how she used to enjoy the feel of his muscles under her hands. The times she would massage his shoulders when he was tense. The times her nails dug into him during their lovemaking, when he’d made her scream for release. She still longed for him… He looked at her over his shoulder, waiting for her response and she felt herself nod and heard him ask for black coffee. Her mind was reeling, so many questions, if only she could find her tongue. She was aware of the feel of his fingers on hers as he passed her the coffee. He turned and sat in the chair, taking a sip of the tea. Her legs were turning to jelly; she had to sit down before she spilt the drink in her hands. Walking with uncertain steps, she crossed the room and seated herself on the sofa. Chakotay watched as Kathryn placed the mug on the table, her hands shaking slightly. “I had no idea you were going to…” she began. “..be here?” He interrupted. “No, Tom didn’t mention you either,” he growled, standing up angrily. “What the hell did they think they were doing?” He barked. “What right do they have? Do they think that by getting us here tonight, somehow everything will work out okay?” Kathryn was cut deep by his words but tried not to show it. “Chakotay, you’re going to wake the children up…please..” He looked at her, the anger flashing in his eyes. She stood slowly, her voice barely holding back her tears “I think I’d better go..” She made to walk past him. He wanted her to go, so he didn’t have to look at her. Didn’t have to feel this wrenching inside of him, wanting her so badly he ached. Without thinking, instinct took over and he reached out. Kathryn looked down at his hand, his touch burning her bare arm “Stay,” he whispered. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The restaurant Tom had picked was quiet, unusual for a Saturday. However both him and B’Elanna were grateful for the privacy. Although it wasn’t often that they went out together without the children, tonight they were worried about what was happening back at the house. Tom checked his watch. “What time is it?” “2130 hours.” “I wonder how they’re getting on?” “I just hope that they’re talking to each other.” The waiter appeared with the dessert menus “I don’t really fancy a dessert Tom….” “Well we can’t go home yet. How about one of your favourites… banana pancakes?” Just the thought of one of those made B’Elanna feel sick, but Tom was right, they couldn’t go home yet. “Fine,” she said, forcing a weak smile. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Dusk illuminated the room, creating shadows. Hiding their faces from each other. They were sitting on opposite sides of the sofa. “What happened to us Kathryn? I waited for you for so long …When you finally came to me … It was everything I’d ever wanted … Just to hold you …” His voice cracked and he could hear her sobbing. “What went wrong?” He repeated himself. “Don’t you think I ask myself that every day?” she managed. “Don’t you think I wake up reaching for you? That I still cry myself to sleep at night?” A gurgling noise came from the back of her throat as she lost her fight against the tide of tears that threatened to drown her. “Kathryn, I only ever wanted you. The woman underneath the Captain’s mask …You just couldn’t see that…” “I know I hurt you Chakotay…I know I still pushed you away…” “We should never have served together again on Voyager…I should have left sooner, if I had, maybe you’d have had more respect for me..” “I always had respect for you….Chakotay” The light was fading fast. He was having trouble seeing her outline. “Computer lights.” She blinked in the sudden light. Her eyes were swollen with the crying, her face and neck were red and patchy. She covered her face with her hands. “Computer decrease lighting by eighty percent.” The lights adjusted to a faint glow. He looked at her, watching her as her shoulders trembled. She lifted her head, looked into his eyes and choked. “The day you left …after I told you that I didn’t love you and that I wouldn’t care if I never saw you again …” “You hurt me, that was the final straw, I couldn’t stay with you knowing that you …didn’t love me.” “I did! I still do! That was just my pride talking! I thought you knew that…I didn’t expect you to…pack up and leave.” She cried. “You stormed out and didn’t come back. You never even said goodbye before I had to leave and when I came back, you were gone …” Her sobbing became louder again. He realised that he’d been a fool. Punishing them both for his stubbornness. His own tears started to fall down his cheeks. She was having trouble trying to keep her breathing even. “I know we can sort this out Chakotay. I’m not going to lose you…I can’t!” she sobbed. He moved and pulled her into his arms, smoothing her back with his hand. His heart was breaking watching her. How had it come to this? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Tom and B’Elanna were approaching their front door. “Looks quiet to me…no broken windows!” “Tom!” B’Elanna was nervous about going inside. They could almost smell the tension in the air as they walked into the house. Neither of them was prepared for the sight that stood in their living room. Kathryn and Chakotay were ready to leave. They both looked exhausted. B’Elanna noticed Kathryn was shivering slightly. Chakotay guided Kathryn towards the door. She looked as though she was about to fall down. B’Elanna felt terrible that she’d put them through this. “We’d better go…” Chakotay informed them, glaring at Tom as he passed. Tom guided them to the door, not knowing what to say. As he shut the door behind them he turned to B’Elanna “What do you think?” “I think we had no right to do that to them Tom….She could barely hold herself up….what kind of a night do you think they had? Gut wrenching would be my guess!” ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Chakotay walked with his arm around Kathryn, holding her close to him, relishing in the feel of her against him. She was steadier on her feet now, but he didn’t want to let go. What a night! He felt worn out, Kathryn looked shattered. But they had needed to talk to each other. Maybe it was a good idea…maybe they could reap something from this… They reached the transporter site and Kathryn turned to face him. She seemed so tiny within his arms as she looked up at him. “Will you come home with me tonight?” Her voice was so uncertain. All he could do was nod, the tears filling his eyes again. He pulled her into his chest. No matter what happens after tonight, he knew he was never going to let her go again. |