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Taking Another Man's Dream |
Disclaimer: I own none of the following characters or settings, and I don’t pretend to! Rating: NC-17 Author’s Note: This is set during Basics and features both Seska and Maj Cullah. Violence of a sexual nature is depicted here, so please do not continue if this is likely to offend. Hazy red alert lights illuminated the bridge and smoke seeped from the damaged circuitry. Captain Janeway and her crew were on their knees, circled by Kazon warriors pointing compression rifles at them. Janeway was worried that despite her earlier order not to fight back, someone would make a move to be a hero and she was sure the trigger-happy Kazon needed no excuses to fire Her mind was reeling, trying to comprehend the situation and hoping that the rest of the crew were safe. She feared for Kes, the sweet gentle Ocampan she had grown so fond of. Kes’ race was the object of hatred amongst the various Kazon sects, the only common ground between the violent war-loving Kazon. Janeway took a depth breath, looking to her First Officer for support. His eyes shone with sorrow. She knew he was blaming himself for their dangerous predicament. Kathryn tried to reach out to him with her thoughts, trying to tell him that she didn’t blame him for any of this. Chakotay could barely meet her eye. He had disgraced this crew and put their lives in danger. When had he become such a bad judge of character? Tuvok, Seska … How had he managed to evade captured from the Cardassians for so long? With a heavy heart he realised that it was for the best that he now served Captain Janeway and not the other way around. He felt Kathryn tense and knew she had arrived at a decision. He knew her well enough to know that, no matter what; she would fight for her crew, even to the point of sacrificing herself. Janeway looked up at the guard in front of her, “I want to speak to Maj Cullah,” she stated, her gaze steady despite the rifle aimed at her. The turbo lift doors closed behind him and Maj Cullah stepped onto the bridge, “Easy to arrange,” he called out. He strode arrogantly down to the lower level, his face a mixture of sneering and hate. Seska followed him; in her arms she carried her infant, swathed in a pink blanket. “Hello everyone,” she purred, delighting in the sight of her former captor and Captain on her knees. She approached the Starfleet group, stopping in front of Chakotay, “Say hello to your son, Chakotay. He has your eyes don’t you think?” she noted, adjusting the blanket around her child. “Thank goodness he doesn’t look too human, you all have such weak foreheads,” she finished, holding the baby towards her ex-lover. Kathryn focused her gaze on Chakotay, watching his face, anxious to see how he would respond to his son. She couldn’t bring herself to look. If Chakotay was to have fathered a child, she secretly wanted it to be with her, not with this Cardassian traitor. As much as she had pushed him away during their quarantine on New Earth, deep down she knew she loved him and it flashed deep in her eyes as she watched Chakotay stare at Seska. Chakotay’s face was darkened with anger, his voice tightly reigned as he countered Seska’s taunt, “May he grow up never knowing the contempt his father has for his mother,” he told her. Kathryn’s heart leapt momentarily, nothing had changed, he still despised his former Maquis lover. Maj Cullah took that moment to swagger nearer to the group, “I think I can assure you of that Commander,” he sneered, “I intend to take him for my own son. A man who would violate a woman under his command …” “What?” Chakotay jerked his head up. “ … doesn’t deserve a son …” “Is that what she told you?” Chakotay persisted, casting a glance towards Seska, who had become extremely attentive to the baby. Cullah continued, paying no attention to the Commander’s words, “The boy will be trained as a Nistram Iscarot. Already he has helped us win the greatest battle in our history,” he bragged. This had gone on long enough in Janeway’s opinion, it was time to find out what Cullah intended to do with them all. “Cullah,” she began standing upright, “I’d like to discuss what happens now,” her eyes met his defiantly. Without warning, the Kazon leader raised his hand and backhanded Janeway’s cheek, the loud slap filling the silent bridge. Someone gasped as Kathryn flew backwards. Chakotay was torn between wanting to kill Cullah and catching the woman he lived to serve, to love. Kathryn grabbed for his shoulder as she fell into his arms. Taking a breath, the Starfleet Captain tried to stand again, resisting the urge to rub her smarting face. Cullah roughly forced her back onto her knees and she had no choice but to look up at him. “You will be given no more respect than any Kazon woman, now that your ship and technology are mine,” he informed her. “I will tell you when you may speak”. Janeway eyed him, “Allow my crew to live, they were following my orders,” she said, steeling herself for another harsh slap. Instead of launching into a physical assault on Voyager’s Captain, he launched into a verbal tirade against Alpha Quadrant women in general, using Seska as an example. His ranting continued until Seska placated him, meekly pledging her utmost respect. A small part of Chakotay was pleased to see Seska finally under control, but he had known her too long to fall for the masterful performance she was giving. Satisfied with his partner’s feigned humility, Cullah once more strutted around the bridge, barking to his subordinates to increase the lighting and set a course for a nearby system. When he asked, Chakotay was informed, courtesy of Seska, that this was to be their new home. A smile crossed her lips as she ordered the guards to take them to one of the cargo bays. Slowly Voyager’s bridge crew got to their feet, their legs feeling the effect of the prolonged kneeling. Chakotay shot one last venomous stare at Seska as he left. Throughout the ship scenes of panic were being played out. Janeway was horrified to see her people being roughly handled and shoved. She vowed that Cullah and Seska would both pay for this and hoped that Lt. Paris had somehow made it back to the Talaxian fleet that had offered help. Maj Cullah sat back in Captain Janeway’s chair. His chest was filled with majestic pride at having taken this fine Federation ship with it’s advanced technology. With Voyager’s help, he could rule the other Kazon sects, becoming a great leader, respected by all. The console between his chair and the one on which Seska was breast-feeding the baby, bleeped. One of the Nistram reported that all Starfleet crew were accounted for and under armed guard in cargo bay two. Cullah allowed himself a smile. Secretly he had doubted whether Seska’s plan would work. Never had he thought it would have turned out so well and that for once he had managed to put that Janeway woman in her rightful place, on her knees before him. He recalled the angry glint in Chakotay’s eyes when he had struck Janeway. There was no doubt in Cullah’s mind that the dark tattooed man wanted to kill him. The Kazon’s hand remembered how soft her skin had felt; so much softer than the grey scales that covered Seska. He wondered, an idea forming in his mind. According to Seska, Chakotay had feelings for his Captain, loved her even … what would he do if Cullah was to really show her how a Kazon woman gets treated? Seska stole a glace at her Maj; he was brewing up some plan. She didn’t like it when he had that look, especially when the corners of his mouth curled into that snide grin. Inside the cargo bay, Janeway sat amongst her crew, flanked on either side by Chakotay and Tuvok. She wished she was able to say something to her First Officer to reassure him that he wasn’t to blame for this. But with the entire crew surrounding them, it was hardly the time. Slowly, she moved her hand until it covered Chakotay’s, the angle of their bodies preventing anyone from witnessing it. Dark eyes met blue ones, surprise and gratitude shinning within them. His fingers tightened around hers, gaining strength from each other. Both turned, simultaneously aware that the cargo doors had opened. One of the aliens stood before the Captain and Commander, gesturing for them to stand and follow him. Kathryn’s eyes flashed a question and Chakotay’s offered a hopeful answer; maybe the crisis would have a peaceful conclusion. It wasn’t until they were being escorted through Voyager’s corridors, that Kathryn was conscious of Chakotay’s hand still firmly holding on to hers. Inside the Ready Room, Cullah was sampling the delights of the replicator. Already him and his bandits had used up a weeks worth of rations in just a few hours. “Ah, Janeway,” he sneered, “I must congratulate your Federation on this …” he gestured to the replicator, “ … technology,” he finished, downing the final dregs of the Romulan ale he had been consuming. Janeway snorted, regarding the loathsome man reclining in her chair. “What do you want Cullah?” Chakotay demanded. Cullah faced Chakotay, a look of pure hatred on his face. He was about to make a retort when Seska entered the room. “Is this a private party, or can anyone join in?” she spat. Cullah sighed and indicated for her to sit. Kathryn and Chakotay continued to stand, shoulders touching, as their hands previously had. Silence fell on the room as Cullah re-filled his glass and downed the liquor in one gulp. “Now that she is here, maybe we can discuss what exactly you plan to do with us,” Kathryn provoked. “Silence!” Cullah yelled, closing the distance between them in three long strides. “You will learn respect Captain,” he threatened. Kathryn braced herself for another stinging blow as his arm raised. However his touch was softer, caressing her cheek before stroking a finger along her jaw. She flinched in response. “You have such soft skin … so beautiful …” he whispered, his sour breath assaulting her senses. Kathryn stared at the desk, refusing to look at the man who was standing so close to her. “Leave her alone Cullah!” Chakotay warned. “Oh what?” Cullah sneered; his fingers still continuing to stroke Kathryn’s face, letting them cross lower, touching her neck. “Surely I don’t have to remind you who is in charge here?” Cullah nodded to one of his men who stood behind Chakotay, and a rifle butt was violently brought down onto the back of the First Officer’s neck. He staggered forward under the impact, his legs buckling, his vision darkening. Kathryn reached out to steady him, her face revealing her concern. She spun around, eyes blazing, “Leave him the hell alone!” she snapped. Cullah viewed them mockingly and spoke to Seska over his shoulder, “Now isn’t this toughing darling? The way they both try to protect each other? Would you protect me?” he demanded, his voice becoming angry again. “Of course Maj,” she acquiesced. Cullah snorted, turning once more to Voyager’s command duo, noticing Chakotay was at least able to focus on him again. Good, he didn’t want him to miss anything. “You’ve got my ship, what more do you want?” Janeway challenged. “Now lets see,” he answered, walking around them both, pretending to study them. He leaned closer to Chakotay, whispering so only the Indian could hear him, “I saw it in your eyes … you wanted to kill me when I touched her,” he taunted. Chakotay’s throat contracted as Cullah continued, still in that low menacing voice, “It seems only fair to take from your woman what you took from mine, don’t you agree?” Chakotay glared at him, “Don’t you lay a finger on her!” “Haven’t we already established who is in control here?” Cullah intoned, an evil smirk crossing his features. Kathryn’s heart pounded, though unable to hear what Cullah had said to Chakotay, she had definitely heard the fear in Chakotay’s voice. She became aware of Cullah’s breath against her hair as he moved behind her. Kathryn gasped in shock as Cullah’s hand lunged forward and squeezed her breast, his large hand gripping her completely. “You bastard!” Chakotay hissed, motioning towards him, and being restrained by Cullah’s men. “Think about it Chakotay, you … entertained yourself with my woman, now I’m going to enjoy yours …” he laughed, squeezing Kathryn’s breast harder till she yelped in pain. “But the best thing about all this is, you’re going to watch me do it!” Cullah’s near-hysterical laughter filled the room. Chakotay struggled against the men holding him, his face contorted in hatred and rage. Kathryn’s eyes screamed in terror as the full realisation of what was about to happen hit her. She looked to Chakotay and saw his anguish and helplessness. Kathryn tried to pull herself free from Cullah’s grasp and he yanked her arm backwards, pushing it high between her shoulder blades, causing her to bend slightly to avoid dislocating her shoulder. Cullah thrust his free hand between her slightly parted legs, assaulting her with his ferocious demands. Kathryn felt his fingers trying to gorge into her through the material of her uniform pants. Tears stung at her eyes. Despite her Starfleet training, and her incarceration by the Cardassians, nothing had prepared her for what she was about to endure. “Seska, stop him! For Gods’ sake don’t let him …” Chakotay couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence. Seska’s eyes flickered with, what sorrow? “I’m sorry Chakotay,” she mumbled. She had seen that look in Cullah’s eyes before, shortly after she had defected to his ship. One evening he had come to her room, seeking pleasure. She had tried to refuse him, pleading a headache. His face had changed and he became colder and then it happened. He had taken her by force, using her beaten body to satisfy his own primal desires. She had been in pain for weeks afterwards, the medical facilities onboard a Kazon ship inferior to those on a Starfleet one. Part of Seska felt pity for the small human woman. Cullah was a man of size and would certainly hurt Janeway more than the statuesque Cardassian. A struggle ensued in the room as Cullah lifted Janeway, one arm tight around her waist, and manoeuvred her towards the desk. Her legs kicked out frantically, causing him to tighten his grip on her. “I’m going to enjoy this Captain,” he panted, “I like my women to struggle …” He pushed her onto the desk face down, releasing her breast as he done so. He tugged her head back, his fingers entwined in the formal bun she wore, “Look at him Captain,” he urged, “This is killing him!” Kathryn’s head was turned against her will and she looked into Chakotay’s tearful eyes. Cullah was right about one thing; this was killing the man she had become so attached to. Kathryn gasped as Cullah turned her, laying her backwards across her desk, his pungent breath filling her nostrils, making her want to gag. “You should thank me Chakotay,” he rasped, “don’t tell me you’ve never wanted …” he started to rip away her upper clothing, “… to see her naked …” Kathryn chocked back the tears that were filling her eyes and swallowed the scream that lodged in her throat. “You bastard,” Chakotay cried, watching as Cullah tore away Kathryn’s jacket and turtleneck, leaving her clad in only her “v”. Kathryn’s eyes closed in humiliation as Cullah exposed her breasts. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as he began suckling her, biting harshly at the delicate skin. “NO!” Chakotay yelled, his voice catching. Cullah clamped down harder onto a nipple, causing Kathryn to shriek with the pain, making him laugh. “So delicate,” he mocked, taking her once more into his mouth. “Cullah!” Chakotay roared. The Kazon smiled towards Chakotay, “She tastes so good, but then I guess you don’t know that,” he goaded, watching Chakotay struggle to free himself. Seska stood up and quietly left the room. She had no desire to witness what was about to happen. Janeway’s cheek slammed once more onto the surface of the desk as Cullah flipped her over. With one hand holding her down, he began un-zipping her pants, lowering them down her thighs. “No!” Kathryn groaned her voice muffled by the scattered PADDs. “Please,” she begged, feeling the cool air hitting her bare legs and buttocks. Chakotay watched, openly weeping as Cullah yanked down her panties and opened her legs wider. “Kathryn,” Chakotay whispered, willing her to meet his eye. His voice touched her and she raised her gaze to his, hardly able to see him through her tears. He held her eyes, silently offering support and love as Cullah fumbled with his zipper. “I’m going to destroy you both,” Cullah grunted, forcing his way into Kathryn’s tiny body. Her agonistic screams filled the room, echoing out onto the bridge where Seska sat with her baby, making low cooing noises to the startled infant. Kathryn had never known such pain, her entire lower body was racked with a burning fire as Cullah thrust into her. Her eyes widened in distress as he repeatedly plunged deeper and deeper. “Kathryn,” Chakotay sobbed, his heart breaking from the sight before him. She held his gaze, drawing strength from him, watching his love for her depicted within his dark orbs, and desperately tried to blank out reality. Cullah was slamming into her, groaning with pleasure as her small frame thumped against the hard desk. His hand gripped her hair, tugging it painfully and a torrent of tears fell down her red cheeks, blurring her link with Chakotay. A fresh pain engulfed Kathryn as she felt Cullah’s penis slip from her opening and plunge into the tightness no lover had ever been. Again she cried out, eyes closing as the agony over-whelmed her, her nails digging into her palms. Kathryn’s cries of suffering tore at Chakotay’s heart. In his mind he vowed to kill the bastard that was savagely thrusting into his Kathryn. Cullah’s pace increased, and his hands gripped Kathryn’s hips for leverage, causing new shards of pain to shoot excruciatingly through her. His teeth found her neck and he bit savagely into her, watching Chakotay as he did, an aroused smile on his thin lips. Two more plunges and it was over. Cullah’s emptied himself into Kathryn, cursing her as he did so. Exhausted he fell forwards, winding her and preventing her from taking a breath. She barely noticed, too consumed with the shame and the agony she was feeling. Eventually Cullah stood, tucking himself back into his pants, “Thank you Captain, I found that most enjoyable,” he jeered, gratified at the image of the broken woman laid on the desk, her underwear and pants still around her ankles. He left the room, indicating for the guards to release Chakotay, who went immediately to her, softly touching her back. Words failed him. He had never felt so helpless in his life. He had failed to protect her, had let that Kazon pig violate her. He bent to retrieve her clothing, and she jumped, feeling his hands on her skin as he tried to cover her, wanting to hide her from the leers of the two Nistram in the room. “It’s me, Chakotay,” he whispered, his voice strained. “He … he …” she tried. “I know,” he managed, pulling her pants back over her hips, noticing the blood seeping through the white cotton Starfleet issue underwear. “It hurts,” she stammered, her teeth chattering in shock. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, raising her from the desk and turning her into his embrace. Kathryn’s eyes were empty, staring blankly out from a deathly pale face. Her arms hung limply by her sides. Chakotay had never despised anyone like he despised Cullah. He held her tightly, as if to banish the nightmare she had endured. The two remaining Nistram passed a comment and laughed cruelly. Chakotay just held her tighter, glaring at the orange-tinged barbarians. The ship rocked underneath his feet and from the window Chakotay could see a Federation shuttlecraft and three Talaxian fighters circling Voyager. “It’s Tom, Kathryn,” he breathed, “he made it”. Kathryn didn’t move, the shock of the ordeal had settled and she was unable to show any emotion. Chakotay prised her away from him slightly, and noticed that she didn’t try to cover herself. Her small breasts were scratched and bitten, the bloody indentations from Cullah’s teeth remaining, marking her pale skin. Chakotay swiftly removed his own jacket and draped it over Kathryn, helping her arms into the sleeves and fastening it up. “Kathryn, you’ve got to be strong a bit longer,” he whispered as the panicked Kazon fled the room. “Tom might need my help,” he told her. Her blues eyes froze in terror, “No … Chakotay, don’t leave me, please!” she begged. He pulled her into his arms again, “I won’t, I promise,” he vowed, realising that Tom and the rest of the crew would have to manage without his help. An hour later, Voyager was once more under Starfleet’s control. Seska had been killed in the battle and Maj Cullah had escaped, taking the child with him. Chakotay issued a warning to him on all sub-space frequencies that he would kill him the next time they met. In sickbay, the Doctor had completed his treatment of the Captain and Chakotay returned as soon as he could to the frightened woman on the bed. “I think it best for the Captain to be released to her quarters,” the Doctor said. “I fail to see how I can help her here. I’m afraid it’s just a matter of time now,” he explained softly. Chakotay nodded. It would be a long time before either of them could live with the memory of what had happened. He went to Kathryn’s side and offered his hand to help her from the bio bed. With fearful eyes she took it, grunting painfully as she lowered her feet to the floor. “I’m going to take you home, Kathryn,” he reassured her. “I … can’t … I don’t want to …” her eyes darted around the room and he understood what she was trying to tell him. She didn’t want to walk through Voyager’s corridors, didn’t want her crew to see her in this condition. “Computer, lock onto mine and Captain Janeway’s co-ordinates and perform a site to site transport to the Captain’s quarters,” he instructed. The Doctor watched as the command team disappeared in the transporter’s blue light. It was quiet in Janeway’s quarters. She was sitting on the couch while he fetched her some tea. He knew that sleep would eventually come to her, thanks to the sedative the Doctor had given her in sickbay. Her slim fingers gripped the mug as he passed it to her and he continued to stand, not knowing what to do. His fingers raked through his short dark hair in frustration and helplessness. She seemed so small sitting there, curled into a ball, one arm drawing her knees up. The blue had faded in her eyes and they seemed vacant. What could he say? He couldn’t take it away from her, no matter how much he wished he could. Chakotay hovered, debating whether to stay or leave, not knowing want she wanted him to do. He looked out at the stars streaking past, everything seemed so normal and calm, but his world had been destroyed. He started slightly, feeling a hand slip gingerly into his. It was all the encouragement he needed to stay with her. Kathryn felt him sit beside her and his arms opened, silently inviting her into his protective embrace. She hesitated then allowed herself to bury her head in his chest. “Kathryn,” he croaked. “I’m sorry,” she said, in a voice so different from her normal one. He was clearly confused, “For what?” “That you had to see … what he did to me,” she replied in hushed tones. “I’m sorry I couldn’t have stopped him from hurting you,” he told her. “I would have done anything to spare you Kathryn”. “I feel so dirty, I can smell him on myself, still feel his hands at pawing me, squeezing me,” she sobbed. “I’ll run you a bath,” he knew it sounded weak, but what else could he do? Reluctantly she let him leave for the bathroom and the sound of running water filled her ears. Minutes later Chakotay reappeared, “It’s ready,” he said, “I wasn’t sure which oil you prefer, so I picked camomile,” another useless sentence he thought. Kathryn walked slowly out of the room, pausing to turn to him, “You will be here when I’m finished?” her question was underlined with fear. “Yes”. Hearing the bathroom door close Chakotay let out the breath he’d been holding and thumped the bulkhead in anger. Immersed in the fragrant bubbles Kathryn began to cry, her arms wrapping over her knees and her head resting on them. The hot water was soothing to her aching muscles, tender from Cullah’s fierce grip, and the slamming against the desk. Her sobbing grew louder and her body shook with the effort. Chakotay was sitting on the couch, head in his hands, when he heard it. A piecing scream, like the ones Kathryn had made earlier in her Ready Room. He jumped up and ran to the bathroom, stopping himself before barging in. The last thing he wanted was to scare her. “Kathryn?” his voice was breathless and concerned. He paused waiting for her to reply. Seconds passed, it seemed like a lifetime. He opened the door softly. “Kathryn?” the sight before him ripped his heart out. His Kathryn, his beautiful Kathryn, was hunched over, hair wet in the places it trailed into the water, arms tight around herself, rocking with each sob. Faint bruises were beginning to show across her spine, and he could just make out the markings of Cullah’s teeth on her neck. Bile rose in his throat, as he stood helpless in the doorway. Red-rimmed eyes peered up at him through the damp neglected strands of hair, silently pleading with him. Quickly he closed the gap between them, dropping to his knees by the side of the tub. Her water-laden arms reached for his neck, pulling him closer to her, as his circled her back. He let her cry into his neck, his uniform becoming damp from both her tears and the bathwater droplets, his own tears running freely over her hair. Eventually the pain in his knees and the chill of the bath water demanded they moved. Chakotay wrapped a towel around her shivering form and helped her out of the cold tub and into the bedroom. Inside, he left her sitting on the bed, swathed in the towel, while he went to her closet. “Which one do you prefer, the pink one or the blue?” he was referring to nightgowns. Kathryn pointed to a garment in the far corner of her wardrobe and Chakotay reached for it, realising that it was one of his shirts from New Earth. His insides flipped, recalling the time they shared on that planet. It seemed a lifetime ago. In just a few hours Cullah had destroyed everything he hoped to build with her. The Kazon’s words haunted him, “I’m going to destroy you both,” Forcing the image that accompanied those words from his mind, he offered the shirt to Kathryn and busied himself turning the bed sheets down, while she put it on. Easing herself onto the bed she reached again for his hand, “Stay with me Chakotay,” she implored, “I don’t want to be alone”. “I’ll stay with you as long as you want me to,” he vowed. That first night, like many that followed, was broken with Kathryn’s heart-breaking cries piecing the air. All Chakotay could do was hold her and whisper to her. Many tears were shed through the nocturnal hours they spent alone. Then came the anger. The nights where she fought him, blamed him, yelled at him till her voice went hoarse. Those were the hardest. No matter how hard she apologised in the morning, or told him he couldn’t have prevented it, it didn’t stop the belief that it was his fault, that he had failed her. Months passed, Voyager continued on its journey home. Things gradually returned to normal, although the Commander was still sleeping in the same quarters as the Captain; but nobody spoke of it or passed comment. There wasn’t one person on the ship who hadn’t heard what Cullah had done to the Captain. One morning Kathryn woke just before the computer’s call. Chakotay was curled up behind her, his arm wrapped over her as normal, holding her tight to his chest. He moved slightly in his sleep and she froze, feeling his early morning erection press against her back. Visions of Cullah raping her over the desk filled her mind and she leapt from the bed, her suddenness alerting Chakotay. “What? …” he croaked, his eyes heavy from sleep. “Sorry …” she muttered, fleeing into the bathroom and vomiting. He rubbed his face and followed her, “Kathryn?” he asked, watching her wipe her mouth on a tissue. “What’s the matter?” his alarm was growing as he noted the fear on her pale features. “I …” she couldn’t explain it. She’d only hurt him all over again. Chakotay racked his brain trying to figure what had happened for her to react like this, “Did you have another nightmare?” he probed. Her eyes dropped from his, unwittingly focusing on his now flaccid manhood. Suddenly he realised what had happened and cursed himself for it. Ever since they’d begun sharing a bed he’d made sure he hadn’t gotten too close to her, keeping his lower body away from Kathryn’s. He wasn’t an animal, but, Spirits; it was difficult, sharing a bed with someone he loved and not responding to her. “Oh Kathryn, I’m sorry …” he moved to hold her and stopped when he saw her fear return. “You don’t actually think? … You know I would never? …” his voice filled with hurt. “Yes … of course,” she whispered, her voice lacking conviction. “I’d better get ready, my duty shift starts soon,” and with that she motioned for Chakotay to leave, closing the door behind him. Later, in the mess hall, Kathryn sat sipping her coffee, gazing at the stars streaking by, yet not really seeing them. Ever since the “incident” she had preferred to take her breaks in the mess hall, not spending any more time in her Ready Room than necessary. She briefly thought about how Chakotay had offered to swap offices with her, but she knew that the room was just as painful to him as it was to her. He didn’t realise it, but she’d heard him, weeping in the night, alone in the living area, trying not to wake her. She loved him and had come to rely on him so much. So why had she acted like that this morning? Deep down she knew he would never hurt her, never … force himself on her. Suddenly with full clarity she realised just how much Chakotay had been suffering. He’d watched helplessly as Cullah stole from her what she couldn’t give willingly to him. And then he’d moved in with her, unconditionally, comforting her, supporting her, never asking for anything in return. He loved her, she knew that, and he had obviously tried to conceal his body’s responses to her. How much further could she push him? Captain Janeway was late returning to the bridge from her break, immersed too deeply in her thoughts to remember the time. After dinner, Chakotay sat on the couch in what was now referred to as “their” quarters. A PADD was in his right hand and a steaming mug of tea in his left. His eyes scanned through the latest report from stellar cartography. A rustle in the doorway made him look up. Kathryn stood still, her hands twitching by her sides. She was wearing a pale blue nightgown, one he hadn’t seen before. Its silky material clung to her perfect frame, outlining every curve. Even from the distance of the couch he could see the outline of her nipples and his pulse raced. A smile was etched on her lips, albeit an anxious smile, and her eyes met his. “Kathryn,” he gulped, “What …” the sentence trailed off as she sauntered closer to him, her perfume floating into his nostrils. “I’m sorry about this morning,” she began, gathering the satin gown and kneeling at his feet, “I know how difficult all this has been for you …” she faltered, unsure how to continue. He forced himself not to allow his gaze to drop to the gaping neckline of her gown. “Kathryn, please …” “No, I have to say this Chakotay. I love you,” she breathed. Chakotay’s face lit up in response and Kathryn wondered if he truly hadn’t realised the extent of her feelings for him before. “You have given so much up for me,” she murmured, raising herself slightly, her hands resting on his knees, “I want to give you something back,” she said, leaning closer to him. It was like slow motion. Kathryn closed the gap between them, her lips millimetres away from his, her sweet breath hot on his skin. “Wait!” he groaned, leaping from the couch and putting some distance between them. She turned, puzzled. “What’s going on here Kathryn?” he asked. “I thought that …” her voiced wavered and uncertainty gripped her. “Gods, I’m sorry,” she choked, getting to her feet and running into the bedroom. Alone on the bed she felt totally humiliated. He obviously didn’t feel that way about her at all. Now all she’d done was embarrass them both with her stupidity and arrogance. A hand stroked her shoulder. “Just leave me alone Chakotay,” she begged. “Look at me,” he urged and waited for her to turn and do so. “I love you Kathryn … more than any one or any thing and believe me when I say that I do want you … but, I’m not prepared to rush things and ruin what we have. I can wait,” his voice was rich and velvety. With misty blue eyes she stared at him. Seconds passed, “Kiss me,” she whispered. He could turn her away once, but not twice. His mouth lowered to hers, slowly, giving her the option to say no. Their lips met, sweetly, filled with trepidation. Chakotay went to pull away, “Kiss me properly,” she breathed huskily, a hand snaking around his nape, pulling him closer to her. This time, as they touched, he felt Kathryn’s tongue flick over his lips, and he opened them, letting her explore him. Her tongue swirled around his mouth, over his teeth and palate, engaging his tongue as their kiss deepened. He returned her kiss with equal passion, his hands hovering, unsure whether to touch the bare skin of her shoulders. Sensing his uncertainty, Kathryn took one of his hands in hers and placed it over her breast. His hand froze, the rigid peak under his palm demanding attention. His lips left hers abruptly, and his eyes were questioning. “Make love to me,” she pleaded, her hand still covering the one on her breast, squeezing it encouragingly. “Kathryn, if we start, I … please, I need to know you’re sure about this …” he rasped. She nodded, tears pricking her eyes, “I’m sure,” she said, taking a deep breath. “Just tell me if you … if you change … and I’ll stop,” he promised. Again she nodded, too emotional to speak. He positioned himself by her side, kissing her softly, playing with her long hair and entwining it in his fingers the way he’d always dreamt of, as he whispered his love for her. Chakotay’s hands swept over her body, caressing every part of her, his lips following in their trail. Slowly he nuzzled her neck and she willed herself to relax, fearing he would bite her like Cullah had. “Its ok,” he murmured by her ear, grazing her sensitive flesh with his tongue, sending shivers down her body. His fingers lowered the straps of the gown and he kissed her shoulders, easing the ties further down. Finally her breasts were free from the satin and he paused to look at them. The rosy peaks were hardening under his stare, longing for his touch. “You’re beautiful Kathryn,” he told her reverently as her hand reached for him once more, pulling his lips to hers. As they kissed, he began to stroke her nipples, thumbing them tenderly, feeling them stiffen in response. She groaned, the sound filling his mouth, becoming a part of him. With subtle gestures, she urged his head to dip lower and he did so, taking his time to explore the smooth fullness waiting for him; swirling a hot tongue over her engorged, flushed tips, relishing in the taste of her. He nipped her gently, listening as her breathing deepened. Her fingers were clawing at his turtleneck, “Gods, I want to touch you Chakotay, take this damn thing off!” He suppressed a chuckle as he sat up and let her remove his grey top and the “v” underneath. Her nails scratched deliberately over his bronzed chest and he made a gurgling noise at the back of his throat. Standing, he unzipped his pants and cast them off. When he returned to her he was clad only in his white, standard issue boxers. Now it was her turn to sit up, smiling at him to remove the blue satin nightgown. His feather-light touches heightened her arousal as he pushed the sensual fabric over her skin, making her whimper in delight, before removing altogether. They began kissing again, needy and hungry, drinking from one another. Then his mouth brushed downwards, over the roundness of her belly, until it rested between her thighs. With loving eyes he watched her, silently asking permission to continue, careful not to panic her, ensuring she understood his every move and felt comfortable with it. He nuzzled her with his nose, smelling the scent of her longing, filling his every pore with it. After a pause, he flicked his tongue along her folds, making her shudder. Chakotay increased his actions and the hot warmth of his mouth enveloped her, working her nearer to climax. Her breathing was coming in short pants, sucking air in through her teeth. “Oh, Gods …” she stammered. Suddenly she threw her head back and her hips began bucking against his unrelenting mouth, as the tidal wave crashed over her, drowning her in it’s intensity. She screamed out his name at the peak, repeating it over and over as she came down from the dizzying heights. Chakotay smiled, moving alongside Kathryn’s body until his lips met hers again, kissing her tenderly, wrapping his arms around her. “I love you,” he reiterated, listening to her ragged breaths. “Gods!” she murmured, exhaustion threatening to over-whelm her. “Ssh, it’s ok, go to sleep,” he soothed, watching her eyelids flutter. “No! I want to make love with you Chakotay … I need to,” she stated passionately, kissing him with fervour, hands gripping both sides of his face. His resolve crumpled as her hands lowered, exploring his muscular frame, taking a silent inventory of every centimetre of toned flesh. He felt her tug at his boxers and lifted his hips to help her. Chakotay followed her progress with his eyes, letting her set the pace. She lowered her mouth, nipping and sucking at his torso, moving oh-so-slowly downwards. His eyes rolled back when he felt her take him into her mouth. The moist velvety haven was almost his undoing. Slowly her tongue teased him, sending ripples of delight through his veins, his blood boiling from the contact, as she swirled over his weeping tip. “I can’t last much longer,” he groaned, torn between wanting her to stop and needing her to continue. She smiled, taking one final lick of his salty juices before straddling him. Chakotay observed her through eyes heavy with desire and love. Kathryn took a deep breath and lowered herself onto his erect shaft. Immediately she tensed, unable to fully accommodate him as her muscles spasmed in protest. The crippling pain served as a reminder of her attack and her face paled, eyes blurring, her mind carrying her to another time and place. “Kathryn, it’s ok, you’re safe,” Chakotay murmured, sitting up and reaching for her as she crumpled sobbing. Violently, Kathryn shrugged off his arms and turned away from him. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she wept, holding her head in her hands, her shoulders heaving. Chakotay slid up behind her, stroking her hair, trying to calm the woman he loved and needed in his life so badly. “It’s ok,” he reassured her. “I’m sorry …” she cried, “I wanted to … believe me I wanted to.” “I know … maybe we took it too fast … another time it might be different Kathryn … there’s no hurry”. “What if it’s always like this? What if it never changes?” she argued. He remained silent, not knowing how to answer her. Neither of them knew. “Why do you stay with me?” “Where did that come …” he began. “Is it because you feel sorry for me? Responsible even?” she accused. “How can you even bare to be near me after what he did?” “I love you Kathryn! I don’t feel sorry for you, I love you, ok?” he growled, his tone grabbing her attention. “And what he did can never change how I feel about you,” he vowed. One look into his dark eyes told her he was telling the truth and she slumped into his embrace sobbing, her fingers gripping his neck. He enfolded her small naked body into his strong arms, fighting the emotions within him, cursing the “Kazon bastard” that had caused them such heartache. Eventually, she relaxed enough for him to be able to lower them both back onto the mattress and he held her tightly to his chest, kissing the top of her head as the tension ebbed away. Minutes passed and he thought she had finally drifted to sleep, so it came as a surprise when she began nuzzling his neck, her breath warm against his skin. He began to speak but Kathryn interrupted, “No, don’t say anything …” she whispered. She needed this night; needed to remember how tender lovemaking could be with a man she loved. Needed to replace the graphic nightmares that had haunted her for months. Chakotay’s mouth opened as Kathryn’s moved over it, moulding them together, building up the passion still simmering within. Her fingers traced the contours of his face, tracing the lines of his tattoo, his chin, moving towards his broad back. His breathing was heavy, her touches were sending electric shocks through him. Wisely Chakotay realised he had to let Kathryn take the lead, and resisted his own body’s natural urges. “Touch me,” she breathed With one hand he caressed her side, sweeping over the smooth rise of her hip and cupping her buttock, kneading it tenderly. The other hand remained wrapped in her hair, stroking it. Sharp nails dug into Chakotay’s back as she pressed herself to him, groaning as their chests touched, her breasts rubbing against his torso, fuelling the fire that was burning inside her. Together, their pelvis’ began rocking, the tempo lazy and irregular. With slow deliberate movements, Chakotay’s hand travelled down her thigh, dipping into the pool of wetness gathered between her legs. She gasped into his kiss and clutched harder at his back, making him painfully aware of her nails, as he massaged the spot he had earlier worshiped. Her intoxicating whimpers filled the quiet room. His tongue continued exploring her mouth, tasting her, teasing her, dragging her own tongue back into his mouth with his teeth. All the while, his fingers focused on her aching nerve centre. Instinctively Kathryn draped her leg over his hip, needing to feel him closer, as he brought her nearer to her climax. This time there was no pain as he entered her, slipping easily into the slick moist heat, keeping his thrusts shallow he moved within her. Kathryn broke away from his kiss and opened her eyes. The look on his face took her breath away, his love and devotion clearly visible. Her arms tightened around him as they rocked together, their eyes never breaking contact. Kathryn arched against him, her face twisting, a strangled cry escaping from her throat as her orgasm claimed her. Seconds later Chakotay called out her name, losing control as Kathryn’s inner walls convulsed around his sheathed member, sending him hurtling into that blissful abyss. Panted breaths mingled in the warmth of the afterglow and they looked at each other, arms still clinging tightly. Chakotay wiped at the teardrops on Kathryn’s flushed cheeks. “Thank you,” she whispered, eyes shinning, all to aware the extent of the feelings she really wanted to express, and knowing ‘thank you’ didn’t justify it at all. Gazing down into Kathryn’s happy face, words failed Chakotay, so he contented himself with smiling at her, before she snuggled into his chest with a deep sated sigh. Once more Kathryn woke before the computer’s call. She was still nestled in Chakotay’s warm embrace, inhaling his musky aroma. Gently she raised her head and watched him sleep and her heart swelled with love for this man who had given her so much. Chakotay stirred, feeling her staring at him. He opened one eye, “Good morning,” he grinned. “Hi”. “Are you ok?” he asked tenderly, both eyes opened and studying her. Kathryn nodded, “Fine, last night I slept better than I have in a long time,” her smile warmed his heart. “I’m not going to fool myself Chakotay, and pretend that it’s over, but …” she took a breath, holding his gaze intently, “…I feel I have a future to look forward to now, a future with you, one that I won’t let Cullah’s ghost taint,” it took great effort to speak his name. “Maybe, with time, I can wake up every morning without having relived that nightmare … but I know when I wake up screaming you’ll always be here for me, ready to hold me in your arms, ready to take away the pain,” she said. The moisture gathering in his eyes matched that already in hers, “Never doubt that Kathryn. I told you once that I would stay with you until you no longer wanted me,” he whispered. Her face broke into a full smile, and it reached her eyes, “Then you’re in for one long journey Commander,” she told him. The End. |
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