It is acute. Like a thief it sneaks up from behind, and as I turn to look at you, the pilfering demon stabs at me.
A sharp stinging sword cuts through me, through time, the stages of my life and yours
A constant searing reminder of what has been and what never will be

A father's love, a father's courage
I am not perfect but for you how I tried to be
It's true: I left, I wasn't there always for you but in spirit and dream

Please believe me: my intentions were noble, not entirely selfish as one could think
I was dying inside, lost
I just wanted to impress you, to make you proud

I tried to make it right by you, by her, by me
I couldn't stay, to not be what I wanted, what was best for you
But still I followed where you led, you brought me to this place
I stand here now, you've made me as much as I've made you
I stand here now, a discarded dad

For all the ones who talk of a mother's love, of her pain and labor
No one understands my torture
There is no cure for my ailment, no baby blue pill, no tonic, no shot to be jabbed into my thigh and with a push clear my soul, my heart, my mind from the murk, the nicotine stains, the pollution that fills my cavity and chokes my heart

Was this really meant to be? Is this the fate we make for ourselves?
Was there one choice, one specific moment that I should have picked to do one thing different?
Should I have, what would have, how was I supposed to know?

My child, the dagger poking through me
I didn't stand a chance
I've lost myself and you

I live my life in spurts just as you grow
Every other week the ember inside flares, burning so bright so strong
The heat is almost more than I can bear, consuming, purifying

I relinquish you from my covetous reach dutifully
There's no more time than what we're allotted
You slip through my fingers like sand