| December 28, 2002 I haven't journaled as much as I'd like to. I guess I just keep it inside. Well, I decided to have my surgery thru the BTC. The surgery will be in Belvedere, wherever THAT is, but my follow up stuff will be in Schaumburg, so thankfully I won't have to go too far for that stuff. Mike is doing great at almost 3 months post op. Down 80+ lbs...lucky dog! He looks wonderful! Of course I don't care WHAT he looks like. He is the love of my life, and I love him no matter WHAT he weighs. I just wish my sister would support me in my decision to have this surgery. It really gets me how my family is behind Mike 100%, but when it comes to ME having this surgery, I get no support. I know...I'm having a pity party. So what? I deserve one. I should have been a mom by now. But I can't get pregnant cuz I'm 350. But there are women bigger than ME having babies. I don't get it. Must be the depression. Did I take my meds today? It totally bothers me that even after seeing how well mike is doing that i get no support. oh well, at least i have mike to be there for me. he told me the other day that he supports me getting the surgery, and that he thinks i should have it. i love him SO much. It's really nice being married to a man who loves me for me, and not what i weigh. i really hated being told that if i didn't lose 30 lbs in a month that he would leave me and divorce me. my ex husband is a real bastard. But enuf of this pity party crap! I HAVE A CONSULT DATE! YIPPEE!!!!!!! I talked with the lady from BTC yesterday. My consult is on Feb 13th 2003 at 4:30 with Dr. Vaughn. First I'll meet with the nurse, then the surgeon, then with someone who's had the surgery. I live with a post op, so i pretty much know the daily ins and outs of what he goes thru, but that's ok. i may have questions for this person anyway. the lady at the btc told me to bring a list of my meds, and the diets i've tried. Lucky for me, I made copies of the paperwork I sent to weight for life last year, when i was trying to get the surgery thru aetna. so i'll just have to bring all that in. luckily i don't have aetna anymore. i heard they are the only ones who don't approve anyone. and if they DO approve anyone, it's rare and you need EXTENSIVE medical diet history. i know God is looking out for me. Please Lord, let United Healthcare approve me! I'm so dang miserable! It really sucks to be out of breath when you try to wipe your butt, or shower, or even put on your shoes. i'm SO sick of being in almost constant pain, whether it's my lower back, or my left knee, or my feet. i'm going to curves...i had to take off two weeks because i got a really horrible cold and could barely breathe at times. but after the first of the year, i'm gonna go faithfully three times a week at LEAST. i'm gonna try. and that's all i can do. When I think about this consult...i'm excited and nervous all at once. i'm gonna take mike with me to my consult. if he's not back to working by then. after he got laid off in july of last year, he wanted to wait until after his surgery to find another job, so he wouldn't have to ask for time off for recovering. I'm just concerned about my job. Mike said not to say ANYTHING to ANYONE about this consult. see...i'm still in my 90 day probation period and he said that i should keep quiet until i get a firm surgery date. he says that they could fire me if i say anything now, cuz i'm on probation. I can't WAIT until Jan. 19th. then probation will be OVER. i've only told three other people about me getting this surgery. one of them i know will stab me in the back and tell the boss, but the other two won't, but i'm still not gonna say anything to them. After i have the surgery and i've recovered...then i can deal with getting fired, if that's what they so desire, but keeping my big mouth shut will be a chore. i think i should get some "before" pix of me before i start working out. then i can get an accurate idea of my starting weight of 350. Well, i guess that's it for now. more as i know stuff. |
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