Rated NC-17

West Bridgewater Massachusetts

December 12, 2004

The cold wind whipped past Danny's ears and he dug his hands deeper into his wool coat to try and combat the cold. Springfield had been cold, he remembered, but had it ever been this cold? Hell, he didn't know. Everything had been cold since that day. He hadn't been able to get warm since he first came here. Everything seemed to be frozen within him. His heart, his soul and even his tear ducts seemed to be encased in ice.

He watched the skaters on the pond that had frozen over and became entranced in a memory. One that he felt like he could reach out and touch. One that even today, had the power to make him smile and break through the ice that now covered his own heart. The heart that had stopped feeling that day long ago. So very long ago.........

It had been on a winter day just like this, he recalled. His life was perfect, or so he had thought at the time. He had finally managed to get Michelle to admit her love for him. They had found a pond much like this one that had frozen over and she managed to persuade him to let her teach him to skate. He had fallen down many times with her laughing so hard tears streamed down her face each time he did. He had gotten up each time with a new resolve to stay up on those ridiculously thin blades attached to the skates but each time he got up it wasn't long before he was back down flat on his butt again.

He had sat on the ice and conceded this sport to Michelle and watched as she skated and twirled about the ice. His heart had turned over in his chest as he watched her acting so care free and full of life and he had been struck with the realization that if he died right then and there, then he would die a happy man indeed.

He wished he had died right then and there, but it wouldn't be until a month later that he would actually "die." The set up was perfect and for all intents and purposes, Daniel Santos lay in a family plot next to his dear departed papa and Michelle was given sole ownership of Santos Enterprises.

He hadn't yet made the decision to sacrifice his happiness with Michelle for her safety while they were playing that day on the ice. It wasn't until the first attempt on Michelle's life later that night that Danny started getting frightened for her. The second attempt had come days later with a third following the next day and Danny had made the only decision he could make to keep his wife safe. He would go to the authorities and turn in the heads of the rival families. He knew that he was essentially signing his own death warrant so he and Frank had hatched the faked assassination so the rival families would feel vindicated and Michelle would be safe. It was the ultimate sacrifice, one life for another, but Danny hadn't had to even think twice about it. Michelle's safety was the most important thing to him.

There had been no other way and he and Frank had set it up perfectly. The assassination was carried out on a public street with many witnesses to testify to the fact that Daniel Santos had been hit with rapid gunfire from a passing car and that he had lain in the street dying and had been taken away to Cedars where he had been pronounced dead on arrival.

The scene had appeared real and had been a little too real for Danny as he recalled the feeling of the bullets as they slammed into his bullet proof vest he wore, knocking him to the ground, and the burning sensation searing through his skin when one actually had penetrated his side. He still bore the scar to prove how real that particular bullet had been.

Michelle had been called away from the conference that she had been attending in Chicago and had come back to the news that Carmen had already ordered his body cremated and she would have nothing to lay to rest of her beloved husband who had only been her husband for such a short time. Frank had broken more than one law in helping Danny execute his plan and the ashes that were in the brass urn that adorned the Santos mantle were nothing more than cigar ashes

Frank had arranged for him to be in the church where the memorial service was to be held. There he had stayed in a closet up on the balcony where the sound equipment was stored. He saw the memorial service from there and he prayed for forgiveness as he saw Michelle's shattered expression and there he said good-bye to Michelle and left for his new life in a new town.

It was done according to their plan. Michelle was left control of Santos Enterprises and her life was out of danger. She would follow the instructions that he left for her in his will and sell off the business in pieces and soon she would be a very wealthy young woman and would be able to fulfill her life as a doctor. And he would disappear into a new life. One without the woman he loved.

He had disappeared to this quaint little town and had opened up an investment office and now lived his solitary life as Alex Perez. He had been welcomed into this closeknit community of a few thousand immediately. Frank had picked his new name for him and said it was a combination of names from two of his favorite baseball players. Danny didn't much care though. He was just marking time until this life ended anyway. He was just filling space in a world that wouldn't care that he had given up everything, including his wife and his identity, to keep the only thing that mattered to him safe.

He continued his stroll along the street and turned to step into the local donut shop to get his daily cup of coffee and the powdered cake donuts that he had every afternoon around this time. This was the only time he allowed himself to remember his life with Michelle. They had loved to eat powdered donuts and had always laughed when the other got the powder on their lips and on their nose. They would kiss off the remaining sugar and they would always make love. These donuts, made in a town thousands of miles away from where Michelle was, were the only link he still allowed himself to his former life.

His hand reached for the door and began to push it open when he felt something odd. Something was in the air. He couldn't put his finger on it but something was amiss. He knew it wasn't danger, that part of his life was over, but something just as important. He had not felt like this in a long time, in fact he recalled, he had only felt like this one other time in his life. The first time he had laid eyes on Michelle Bauer.

He turned his head to see what had caused the similar feeling to be swept over him now. Nothing appeared to be out of the ordinary. People were walking down the streets going about their business and holiday shopping. He scrutinized both sides of the street to make sure nothing was out of the ordinary.

Satisfied that everything was as it should be, he walked into the donut shop and sat down at his usual table. Linda, the waitress who always waited on him and always had a quick smile and an unspoken invitation in her eyes, came over and brought his coffee and asked how he was doing. They made polite small talk for a moment while Danny was still unable to shake the strange feeling that had swept over him outside.

He began to drink the coffee, letting the hot brew warm him from the inside out. This was as close to being warm as he would ever feel, he supposed but it would have to do. He began to bite into one of the powdered donuts that Linda had brought to him when he heard it. An unmistakable laugh. A laugh that haunted him in his dreams.

He turned his head and saw a group of people sitting at a table laughing. He couldn't see all of the people in the group but one particular laugh was bringing him back to a past that he no longer held claim to. A past where he once, for the briefest of moments, allowed himself to feel love and to have hope.

He knew it wasn't her but the laugh was so similar that it was stoking fires in him that were better left dormant. He had already resigned himself to this life, he had in fact, made this choice consciously but to be reminded of what he could not have was heartwrenching.

He ate the first of his donuts in two bites and asked Linda to wrap up the second one he usually ate while sitting at his table and reading the newspaper. He suddenly felt closed in and he needed some air. That light, airy laugh had made him feel things better left unfelt. He paid his check, gave Linda her tip and headed for the exit with his uneaten donut in hand when someone tugged on his sleeve and he turned around and found himself face to face with Michelle.

******************************************************************

Time stood still as he gazed at the face that still haunted his dreams. "Danny?" she said and her voice was shaking.

Summoning all the strength he possessed he closed his eyes and breathed deep. "I'm sorry. You must have me mistaken with someone else. My name is Alex" he said as the lie flowed from his lips naturally as it had the last few years since he had ceased to be Danny Santos. " Alex Perez" he added.

"Oh" Michelle squeaked. "I'm sorry. It's just that you look so much like....." she said her voice trailing off.

"Are you okay?" he asked and she nodded her head yes although he could see that she wasn't. "Is there somewhere I can take you? Do you need help?" he asked with a concerned voice. Michelle looked as if she were going to faint right there at the entrance to the donut shop. He felt an urgent need to get her away from this place and before he could stop himself, he had offered to take her away from here. He knew how dangerous it would be to be this close to her again but he could no more stop himself from stealing this time with her than he could stop the sun from rising over the horizon in the morning.

Michelle made no effort to answer his question so he offered it again. "Can I take you somewhere?" he asked again and she just stared at him with her mouth agape and nodded her head. "Okay" he said "where would you like to go?"

"I don't care" she said honestly. This man looked so much like Danny that she thought she was going to lose control of herself right here in front of him. She knew it wasn't Danny and she cursed herself a fool for embarrassing herself by calling him Danny. Her Danny was dead. He had been pronounced dead in the very hospital she worked at and even though she had never felt in her heart that he was truly gone, all the evidence she had seen proved otherwise. Her reluctance to accept Danny's death stemmed from the fact that she had been away when he had been killed or at least that is what her counselor had told her. Then Carmen had taken it upon herself to have his body cremated before she could intervene and she had never been given the chance to tell him good-bye. Her beloved Danny had left this world without hearing her tell him good-bye.

The tears that always came when she thought of her beloved husband, threatened to spill in front of this kind stranger with the achingly familiar eyes. She breathed in deeply and commanded her body to get in control of itself. She had spent the last years growing strong and she was not going to lose that now especially in front of a stranger, no matter how familiar that stranger seemed.

"Okay, my car is at my office. Do you feel like walking with me to get it or would you rather I come back and get you?" he asked looking up at the sky and then at his watch. It was going to be dark soon and he didn't want to get caught in the dark away from his car.

"I"ll walk with you," she answered and they began their stroll to his office to retrieve his car. They didn't talk as they walked and Michelle noticed the Christmas lights that were attached to a timer on the light poles begin to illuminate. The beauty of the season was lost on her however as she was still contemplating why she was even considering going anywhere with this man she didn't even know. Normally, she wasn't this impetuous, but for reasons she couldn't explain, she felt completely safe with this man who bore such a striking resemblance to her late husband.

She began to question the wisdom in going with him when she realized that it was more than just a coincidence that they had met. Something had drawn her to this little town but for the life of her, she didn't know what it was.

She had just finished attending a week long medical conference in Boston at the request of her superior and she and another third year resident who had made the trip with her, had finished their last meeting this morning and had invited some of the new friends they had made at the seminar to come with them and they had rented a car and went out to see the sights. They had heard of a place off of Interstate 24 where you could ride a train through a lighted forest/village and it sounded like just the thing to get her into the holiday spirit. She had to work hard each year to find a reason to celebrate the holidays and this seemed like a good start.

Once they had gotten onto the highway, the exhilaration of the trip began to consume her and she began to smile and feel happy and carefree. However, once they began to drive south, she had felt an unmistakable pull to turn off at this exit and to stop and see this little town.

The small town had seemed to beckon to them from the interstate and they had just found this donut shop and had decided to treat themselves to a caloriefest as a reward for surviving the week long seminar. Michelle had decided not to order the powered sugar donuts that she and Danny used to share and instead ordered a muffin instead. She was just about to take her first bite while her friends around her were carrying on and having a good time when she saw him.

He was just about to leave and her breath had caught and her heart had seemed to cease beating. Danny. No, not Danny, she reminded herself, just someone who looks like him but still she had to get up close and see, just in case there was a chance that it was........

She grabbed his sleeve and called out his name and was brought back to the harsh reality that this man was not Danny. Up close she could see that it wasn't Danny, but still the resemblance was very remarkable. She just wanted Danny to be alive so badly that she imagined she saw him everywhere and this wasn't the first time she had thought she had seen him and she felt sure it was not going to be the last.

She was mistaken again but this kind stranger seemed to care about how she was feeling so she decided to throw caution to the wind and spend some time with him and maybe she could forget some of this loneliness she had felt every day of her life since Danny had died.

The walk was only a few blocks and soon they were at his car, a sensible gray Nissan Maxima and he opened the door and helped her in. Alex's choice of car was surprising and was definitely not the kind that Danny would choose and she was reaffirmed again that this indeed was not the man she loved and that he was lost to her forever.

He started the car and pulled out onto the street preparing to take her to his small apartment that he called home. Neither of them needed to ask where they were going. Both of them knew where they would end up with the only stop being at the local drug store to purchase some protection. Danny had not been with anyone since his arrival in West Bridgewater, nor had he desired to, so he didn't have the necessary precautions that one might find a man of Danny's looks and professional level to have in his possession. Sex had lost its attraction for him since he could never have the only woman he would ever love and when the need became to great and his body demanded attention, he simply took care of it the same way any normal male would and that was that.

When they arrived at the place he now called home, he helped her out of the car and led her to the door. Once inside he took her coat and in an instant she was in his arms. There were no pleasantries, no words, only their bodies getting acquainted with one another, or reacquainted, Danny thought to himself, as the case may be. Two consenting adults, each seeking something from the other. Michelle, seeking a love she thought was lost to her, and Danny reliving a love that he would never have again.

They tore at each others clothing until they stood bare before each other. Danny bent down and picked up Michelle's petite frame and carried her into his tiny bedroom and laid her across the very bed on which he dreamed of her each night.

His mouth devoured hers and she kissed him back with the same amount of urgency each seeking more from the kiss than just the physical pleasure it brought. His hands roamed her body and caressed her into a frenzy. She reached down and found him and began stroking his manhood and she felt him tighten and suck in his breath.

"Easy baby" he said. "You better stop for a second" he said. " I don't want to come yet" he explained and she removed her hand from him and brought it up to his chest. He grabbed her hand and began to kiss her fingers. One by one taking them into his mouth and gently sucking them. The act was extremely erotic and Michelle felt herself become damp with her desire.

They laid side by side and kissed and examined each other's bodies. Michelle mentally made note of all of the differences in Alex's body compared to Danny's. Alex was more muscular than Danny had been. She loved Danny with all of her heart and he was beautiful in every way, but she could tell that Alex spent a lot of time exercising and keeping his body in perfect form. She nuzzled the hair on his stomach and licked his navel with caused his excited flesh to jump in anticipation. Michelle kissed the scar on his side, which only served to remind her once again that this man wasn't her Danny, and tears formed in her eyes.

She kept her head down and hid them from this man called Alex as she pretended that she was with her beloved husband again and that for one brief moment, time has transcended and she was allowed one more magical night with him.

If Alex picked up on the fact that he was being used by her, he didn't let on. He lay there on the bed and allowed her free access to his body. She pushed him onto his back and began her sweet torture with her mouth again. This time she grew bolder in her touches and kisses and soon he was near the brink as she expressed her desire to be with him by lavishing his arousal with her tongue and then her entire mouth.

When it became apparent that he could hold back no longer, he gently took her head and removed it from him and their eyes locked. Hers eyelids were heavy with passion and his were glazed with want and need. Neither one seemed to want to break their eye contact but their bodies were in such a state that their mutual need couldn't be ignored. Knowing he should put a condom on but knowing that it was past the point of no return, Danny lay motionless as Michelle lifted her body up and sank down upon his inflated penis.

Their groans mingled breaking the silence that had filled the room. Their labored breathing echoed their moans and Danny placed his hands on her hips and held her and he lifted his hips into her and filled her womb with spurt after spurt of his hot semen. Her orgasm followed immediately and he felt the walls of her womanhood contract and the pleasure threatened to undo him.

"Danny" she cried as the first wave hit and tears fell from her eyes as she collapsed on top of his chest and lay her head upon him. He put his arms around her and held her for what seemed like an eternity.

Soon, the position became uncomfortable as did the silence that was between them and he gently lifted her off of him and laid her next to him. Her sobbing had ceased a little and he pulled her to him and stroked her back as she cried.

"I'm sorry" was all she could say and he murmured words of comfort into her ear.

"You loved him very much didn't you?" he asked and she nodded her head and said "Yes I did. He was my whole world."

"He was a lucky man" he answered remembering the brief time that she had been his but somehow Danny Santos had found favor with God and was given one more glorious night with the woman he loved. He was going to make the most of it and in the morning, he would take her back to her friends and he would go back to his life here in West Bridgewater, as Alex Perez, investment banker.

She began to touch him again and soon they were in the beginnings of making love a second time. Danny reached into the brown pharmacy bag this time before it was too late, and once the condom was firmly in place, they began to make love again. They took turns being the aggressor with each time being more intense than the last and for a while, Danny wasn't sure if he was going to have the strength to let her go in the morning.

Unashamed, they slept in each others arms, with Michelle waking often to snuggle into his chest and murmur "Danny." He didn't mind. He could go on with the rest of his pitiful existence now. He had been granted this one night with her and with that night came the knowledge that Michelle still loved him.

He had not had any contact with anyone from his former life and hadn't even talked to Frank in over three years. He had thought it better that way but the knowledge that Michelle stilled loved him and had not moved on with her life both exhilarated and saddened him. He had disappeared so she could have a safe, normal life but it appeared that she hadn't been able to find that yet.

He wanted to tell her the truth so badly but his life was here now and hers was in Springfield. He would never regret his decision to sacrifice his life for hers and he could feed off of this memory for an entire lifetime.

In the darkest hours before the dawn, she awakened to go to the restroom. Neither of them could physically make love anymore but the need for intimacy was still there between them. She climbed back into the bed with him and resumed her position nestled in his arms. Before she knew it, she was telling Alex all about Danny and how much she had loved him and how hard it had been to let him go.

Danny listened silently as Michelle poured her heart out to him. He could give her nothing more from this night but the encouragement to go on with her life. He asked her why she hadn't found another man to love after all of this time and she confessed to him the guilt that she had felt at not being there with Danny when he had breathed his last breath upon this earth.

"You had nothing to feel guilty over" Alex told her. Michelle nodded her agreement and added "I know, but I wasn't there to hold his hand when he died. I didn't get to kiss him good-bye or tell him one last time how much I loved him and how happy he had made me" she said.

"Don't you think he knew?" Danny said trying to make his voice sound steady and calm.

"I know he knew" Michelle explained while absentmindedly running circles along the skin of his chest with a fingertip "but I wanted the last thing he saw on this earth to be my face telling him I loved him" she said and Danny drew her closer to him and held her even closer to him.

"I'm sure it was" Alex said "I'm sure it was" and no more words were spoken after that. With the rising of the sun, the morning made it's appearance and both of them were reluctant to let the other go. Michelle felt a connection with this man who so resembled her late husband and she felt great sorrow at having to say good-bye to him but he had made her realize that her life was in Springfield and she might even consider going out with Greg, a coworker, who had been asking her out lately.

She slipped out of the bed and gathered her clothes. She placed a kiss on his cheek and whispered "Good-bye Alex" and then softly, without knowing why she was saying it, she whispered. "I love you Danny." and then she went into the living room and called her friend. After assuring her friend that she was fine, she gently placed the receiver into the cradle and sat down to wait for her friends arrival.

Danny pretended to be asleep as Michelle got dressed and left the room. He wanted to go after her. He wanted to tell her he loved her. He at least wanted to say thank you, but instead he kept his breathing on an even pace to feign sleep and told her he loved her with his heart. He would always love her and he would cherish this stolen time that they had somehow found. It was enough. It would be enough.

He heard her speaking in hushed tones to her friend over the phone as she gave the unknown person directions to his house. She didn't come into his bedroom again but he heard each sound she made while she awaited her ride.

Soon, he heard a car pull up into the driveway and he heard his front door being opened and closed quietly. She didn't want to wake him. She was taking the cowards way out. So was he if the truth were to be told if he had still possessed the ability to cry, now would be the time he did, but he hadn't cried in over four years and he knew he wouldn't cry now. Instead, he turned over onto the bed and held the pillow that still bore Michelle's scent to his face and remembered what it was like to be loved by Michelle and silently thanked God for allowing him to see a little bit of heaven before he left this earth for good.

Outside, Michelle's friend Sophie asked what had happened to her. Michelle made up a story about finding a new friend that she at first thought resembled Danny but the more she looked at him realized that she had been wrong. It had merely been a case of mistaken identity. Her friend accepted Michelle's answer without pause, and suggested a place to stop for breakfast as they made their way back to Springfield. Michelle agreed with her friends choice and looked back one final time at the small town that held the man that reminded her so much of Danny. With a teary smile, she placed a kiss on the tips of her fingers and blew it in the direction of Alex's house and finally, for the first time since Danny had died, she told him good-bye and she turned her head forward into a future that she knew Danny would want her to have and that Alex Perez had helped her to realize she could still have.

The End

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