How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down
2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t bother to disguise your voice
3) Insist that your e-mail address is:
Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com
Elvis-the-King@companyname.com
...or any other person/character you feel like
4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that
5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing
6) Put your trash can on your desk and label it “IN”
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers
8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over their caffeine addiction, switch to expresso
9) On the stub of all your cheques, write “for sexual favours”
10) Reply to everything someone says with,“That’s what you think”
11) Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy”
12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way
13) Don’t use any punctuation
14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk
15) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer
16) Specify that your drive-thru order is “to go”
17) Sing along at the opera
18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme
19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does (Especially effective if your boss is of the opposite sex)
20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them exactly what you’re doing. For example, “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the restroom, in Stall #3”
21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day
22) Five days in advance, tell your friends that you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood
23) Call the psychic hotline and don’t say anything
24) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard
25) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I won! I won! 3rd time this week!”
26) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”
27) Tell your boss, “It’s not the voices in my head that bother me, it’s the voices in your head that do”
28) Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go”
29) Every time you see a broom, yell, “Honey, your mother’s here!”
10. Helen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) - eatonsht@dku.edu
9. Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) - dickinme@iup.edu
8. Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdas University) - kissinfk@ivu.edu
7. Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) -aspicker@pu.edu
6. Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) - ibballin@bsu.edu
5. Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division, Overton Canada) – btkisser@bendover.com
4. Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us) - ihadcock@tru.com
3. Martha Elizabeth Cummins (Fresno University) - cumminme@fu.edu
2. George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.) - blowmegd@dropdrawers.com
...but at No.1, it had to be...
1.Barbra Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating) - beeranbj@myplace.com