29 THINGS SCALLIES SHOULD KNOW:
By Tenchi-Okhi
1) The fact that someone
wears baggy jeans does not make them a goth. Will you get that into your f**king
heads?
2) If someone is a goth, they
ARE goths. Thus calling them goths, gothics or gothos will not insult them.
3) There are only so many
times you can tell the dead has arisen joke.
4) Just because we don't sit in bus stops drinking lemon hooch doesn't mean we
don't go out.
5) There is no need to look
surprised when you see us doing our makeup. I don't have naturally black
eyelids.
6) Adidas is NOT a designer
label. Neither is Tommy Hilfiger, Gap or Ben Sherman.
7) Rock music is not Elvis.
Neither is Limp Bizkit.
8) All people dressed differently to you are not gay, hippies or freaks.
9) 9 year olds smoking is
ridiculous, not cool.
10) Walking like the hanger
is still in your coat does not look hard.
11) Neither does spitting,
shaving your head or talking like you have a brick up your arse.
12) Or using the word 'F**k' as every other word in a sentence.
13) Wearing a gold Sovereign
coin on your finger does not make you look rich.
14) It's not a medallion or a
chain, it's a necklace. Get over it.
15) Being looked at is not an
excuse to start a fight.
16) Working in McDonalds is not a preferable ambition.
17) I hate to point this out,
but you're all wearing the same outfit.
18) The lyrics to Boyzone's
songs are not deep, nor is Ronan Keating good looking.
19) Its not cool to fail all
your subjects. Those who pass are not swots that have no life - they're the
people you'll be packing shopping bags for when you leave school.
20) Too much hairspray will kill you.
21) Buying fake Tommy
Hilfiger aftershave will not make you irresistible.
22) Being good at PE is not
an academic achievement.
23) It may be family
practice, but having a baby at 13 is not recommended.
24) Just because your trainers and shell suit are the same brand doesn't mean
the colours can't clash.
25) Luminous trainers don't
go with ANYTHING.
26) Having competitions to
see who can go the longest without breathing, whilst consuming the most phlegm
of the most unintelligent 12 year old around outside the school gates does not
make us jealous.
27) Tight combat trousers and
Le Coq Sportif polo shirts are not skater wear.
28) Not ALL goths are into wicca
29) We don't claim to be
original, just different from you.
There you have it, chew on
that for a while, and if there was anything in there that you couldn't get your
head round, then you're beyond help...
Scallies - A Study
By Major N
Scallies - We all know some. You may not call them Scallies - townies is another
name commonly attributed to them - but they exist everywhere. Scallies are those
kids who don't like school; they don't go as often as possible, and when they
do, they spend their time in the back of the classroom, messing about,
disrupting the lesson for everyone.
Scallies can usually be differentiated from the rest of the population by what
they wear, their speech, and, if they are over 13, the amount of children they
have. They wear designer labels all the time; it is their uniform. If they
aren't walking advertising hoardings for all the top labels, then they are
usually not Scallies. They all smoke, having usually started just after birth.
All Scally males (I'm using this term loosely) have shaved heads, and, usually,
one stud earring. They are also extremely homophobic. In fact, they seem to
think that calling someone or something that they don't like 'gay' is the way to
go. Mind you, Scallies have a vocabulary of slightly less words than your
average shellfish, so it's not all that surprising. If you so much as insinuate
that one may be a homosexual, they immediately attempt to beat you up (and
invariably fail miserably, since they are usually weaklings). Such behaviour
leads me to deduce that they are extremely repressed, and do not embrace their
true sexuality. This is backed up by their facade of 'being hard'.
Scally females (again, I'm using the term loosely) are usually bleach-blondes.
They usually wear sour expressions, and far too much makeup. Also, certainaly in
England, they all seem to wear gaudy gold oval-hoop earrings.The term 'slut'
doesn't begin to describe how loose most of these girls are. They also do not
understand the theory of 'contraception', hence Scallies are the fastest-growing
section of the community.
Scallies do not have much of a vocabulary, as stated above, but they can often
be identified by those words they do use. Examples of such 'words' are "yo", "booyaka-sha",
"innit", "phat" and such. They also aspire to copy black culture, albeit very
badly. For example the phrase "booyaka-sha" has been put forward to translate as
"Death to white people" in one African dialect. They also listen to Rap and R&B
music, and also pop music, which is, to my ears, inexcusable.
I believe that the reason that Scallies behave as they do is because they will
never aspire to anything, and they recognise this fact. Most Scallies would be
lucky to be employed by McDonalds, which is where most of them eke out a pitiful
wage, which is wasted on cigarettes and either alcopops, cider, or bad lager.
This realisation is also the source of their anger and frustration, which is
what leads them to attempt to injure those cleverer or better than themselves.
Unfortunately, as stated above, due to their complete lack of understanding of
the concept of contraception, Scallies are the fastest-growing section of the
population. It is also a well-known fact that children end up as images of their
parents. hence, the Scallies are breeding more Scallies, and so on, in an
ever-increasing downward spiral - the proportion of Scallies in the population
is growing exponentially, with no sign of slowing. And it is little wonder that
their offspring end up as they do. Their parents beat, threaten and swear at
them, as well as giving them no encouragement to do well in life. As such, they
have no hopes or aspirations other than where the next cigarette is coming from,
and end up as templates of their parents; bitter, angry, fruatrated and stupid.
This new generation of Scallies start breeding from the age of 13, and so will
their children, and their children, and so on.
Is there a solution to the ever-growing Scally epidemic? Although it may not
solve the problem, I feel that complete and world-wide banning of R&B, Pop
music, designer labels, cigarettes and cider would at least serve to make me
feel better. Also, some form of from-birth contraception, that can only be
reversed when the parents-to-be meet a set of criteria, would also help stem the
flow, although that will not happen so long as we do not live in an (outwardly)
'Big Brother' state. Scallies are a nuisance. In the wild, nuisances are culled
to keep their number in check. Unfortunately, a large cull of Scallies is not an
option. The only way we can at least hope to stem the tide of Scallies is to not
become them ourselves, and to teach our children how to do something with their
lives. To let our children fall into Scallydom is to ruin their lives.
To be a Scally is to lead a pointless existence.