Malcolm: Aren't you the one who wanted a feud?
Reese: Malcolm you know I don't think things through.
Malcolm: Cougars don't just blow up.
Reese: As near as I can figure, I did it with my mind.
Malcolm: Reese, that's insane.
Reese: I wouldn't talk to me like that if I were you.
Dewey: Is Reese a girl now?
Malcolm: No Dewey, he's a lady!
Reese: Shut up!
Malcolm: Sorry Ma'am.
Dewey: Late at night, when you're sleeping, that's when Malcolm comes a peeping, you better watch out, you better beware or Malcolm will see your underwear! 1, 2, 3, 4 Malcolm's at your bedroom door...
Malcolm: Don't you ever get tired of making their lives miserable?
Reese: Nope, besides I want them to remember who's boss, when their living in their mansions, with their supermodel wives, they're gonna know, the guy who cleaned their pool kicked their ass.
Reese: (to Malcolm who is dressed as a jester): You look so adorable! You know what I love about Medievil week, is that you can spot the Krelboynes from super far away and they jingle when you hit them!
Hal: Reese, leave your brother alone.......although you are asking for it.
Malcolm: You beat up kids because they call me a weirdo?
Reese: Well the last kid, he was a freak anyways, so he was in no position to throw out names.
Whilst Trick or Treating.
Man: Oh look at you three, what are you?
Malcolm: A beat up hillbilly.
Reese: Just give us the candy.
Man: I bet you're a ghost.
Dewey: I'm a marshmallow.
Lois: That's it. You boys are banned from Nintendo.
Reese: We're already banned from Nintendo.
Malcolm: The sad thing is, he thinks he's just outsmarted her.
Reese: If you're not allowed to keep a squirrel in your locker, they should put up a sign! I am not psychic, I can't read minds!
Reese: What are we gonna do?
Malcolm: We're gonna be good, that's what.
Dewey: How do we be good?
Malcolm: I don't know. Honestly it's never come up before.
Malcolm: The only thing worse than no TV is golf....on TV.
Francis: Oh great, a one-way street! How does that work if I am going backwards?
Malcolm: I feel like crap and no-one understands. Even you. You're supposed to be my best friend and you don't even care.
Stevie: And yet.......you keep.......talking.
Malcolm: That's the way discussions go down in this family. I tell them my needs, and they say no. Then dad reveals another cartoon character he's afraid of.
Stevie: Mom's making.....pizza...cheeseless....saucelesss.....pizza.
Malcolm: That's just bread.
Stevie: Pizza....bread.
Dewey: And then the monster started growling at me, so I threw rocks at him, and I killed him.Then he started flying around on a rocket boost and I got to ride inside his head. And now the monster's my friend. And we wen......we went to get slurpees.
Reese: You did not! You just lied!
Hal: Reese, if that's what Dewey says happened there is no reason to argue about it.
Reese: No one believes I beat the last level in Mortal Kombat.
Hal: Because that's just ridiculous. No one beats Sub-Zero.
Reese: They're cool, they're fresh, they'll clean your breath. Miiinnnttty mints are your breath's friend.
