A Sense of Loss
by Aria
Rated - PG
Spoilers - "Vision of the Future' by Timothy Zahn
Please don't post elsewhere without my permission. Thanks!
e-mail: Aria@mindspring.com
Disclaimer: All of these characters belong to George Lucas (kneel, kiss his ring) and to Mr. Zahn. I'm only borrowing their playground and am not making a ducket from my attempt at spicing up their creation's romance a bit. Please don't sue or feel free to do so, but expect very little for your time.

Chapter One

She awakened slowly, uncharacteristically so, and drifted towards consciousness. But not before reaching to her side with her right arm and leg, a sleep induced memory prompting her and moving her limbs for her, a soft smile across her face. Still unopened eyes began to replace the smile with a frown as she reached farther and found nothing, or rather no one, at her side. Her eyes snapped open to reveal the span of her empty cot.
"Luke," she murmured to herself and rolled on to her back, covering her face with her hands.

How many times had she done that during the two and half weeks since her departure from Yavin? How many times had she wanted to call out to him during the day when a thought struck her only to find herself alone in the cockpit of her borrowed ship? And how many times had she awakened to find herself searching her bed for him?

"Sithspawn!" Mara Jade whispered through clenched teeth, angry at herself for her lapse in memory, if not for her lapse in judgment.

She had spent a lifetime sleeping alone, only to have the familiarity of awakening alone disintegrate after just a few days in his arms, and give way to longing. She closed her eyes and let her thoughts drift back to those nights on the floor of the caves which perforated the surface of Nirauan's second planet. She recalled, in vivid detail, the feel of his skin against hers; his light caresses and whispered sweet nothings that only Luke could mutter without sounding insincere. She would have burst out laughing had it been any other man, but this was Luke, and she could feel the truth behind his words.

Her lashes fought to hold back the tears threatening to spill out from behind her closed eyes. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she remembered the searing kisses that closely preceded those moments filled with their lovemaking. Her back arched imperceptibly at the memory before she forced herself out of her reverie with a shake of her head, her fist slamming on the mattress next to her in frustration.

And yet it wasn't the tangible aspect of his presence that she missed the most but rather, the intangible ones. It was the way the space he occupied reverberated through the force. A slow and steady vibration that she felt whenever she was close to him. A unique and comforting frequency that only she could hear. It was, she recalled, what drew her to him and what beckoned her back to him...night after night. Her eyes squeezed tight against the memory of how she had clung to him desperately as she neared climax, caressing his muscled back and arms and ultimately, pressing her fingers against his buttocks as her muscles tightened around him, her voice calling out his name repeatedly. She had become addicted to his identity print on the force while she lay in his arms, awaiting sleep. It embraced her and comforted her after their passion melted away and as their bodies cooled, it swayed her sweetly towards sleep like a soft breeze carries a leaf slowly to the ground.

It was the right thing to do, she told herself, once again covering her face with both hands. She had to leave him and get on with her life. A broken promise of marriage was far better than a marriage that wouldn't work. Couldn't work. Perhaps in time they could rebuild their friendship once again. Perhaps in time the memories they had made in the darkness of those caves would bring them both laughter at their foolish attempt to build a romance out of what could have only been described as duress coupled with close proximity.

If so, then why couldn't she get the image of his face out of her head? Why couldn't she forget the look in his eyes as she stepped out of his embrace and onto her waiting ship? He hadn't fought her decision to leave. Hadn't even tried to coax her with pleading words. He had simply let her slip out of his arms and turn to walk away.

*****

Luke Skywalker stood with his arms resting on the railing of his bedroom balcony at Yavin IV. Off in the distant darkness he could barely make out the stream of light streaking across the sky as Mara Jade made her way out of the planet's atmosphere in the ship she had borrowed. Once he could no longer discern the gleam of the ship's exhaust he let his head drop until his chin rested against his chest. Inhaling deeply, he fought to retain the calm that now slipped further and further from him. He couldn't concentrate, couldn't muster the strength to tear himself away from the railing either and he knew that sleep would not be possible that night.

"Alone again," he said aloud, trying to shake off the hold he felt tightening around his chest. "Perhaps as it's meant to be."

He thought back to Gaeriel and Callista hoping to find the clues he needed to make sense out of his failed relationships. Once, he had attributed those failures to circumstances over which he had little control. Gaeriel had held a belief against force users which would have made their relationship difficult if not impossible. And anyway, he had been so young then, so very young.

Then there was Callista who had risked and lost her life aboard The Eye of Palpatine thirty years prior in an effort to stop the Empire's tyranny. At last, he had felt he'd found the love of his life. She was a Jedi with a link to the past and the ability to understand him, even if she was no longer able to feel anything through force. He had comprehended her desire to leave, even while he fought to quiet his feelings of abandonment. He tried to be supportive during her absence but eventually realized that he needed Callista, force adept or not. His search for her consumed him for a time. It became, quite simply, his sole reason for living. He just didn't feel alive without her.

The passage of time and the continuing needs of a galaxy still in turmoil, had forced him to abandon his search. The galaxy would not wait for him to resolve the matters in his personal life. Weeks and months turned into years and so, slowly, he began to accept the knowledge that Callista would not be coming back to him.

At last and with a great deal of effort, he released his grip on the railing and walked back to sit on the edge of his bed. He removed his boots and holster and let his body fall backwards and onto his mattress. His eyes burned with exhaustion and he rubbed them with his hands, trying to ease their discomfort.

Artoo rolled to stand by the side of the bed and issued a series of mournful bleeps. Luke turned his head to catch a glimpse of the domed head and single eye spying on him worriedly.

"Yes, Artoo," he said softly, "I miss her too."

Sighing, he allowed himself the comfort of remembering the feel of her lying in his arms. He had stammered his affection outloud like the farmboy he had been long ago and often times, still considered himself to be. The farmboy that the galaxy dismissed in preference of the war hero and solemn Jedi they adulated and revered. A galaxy that remained forever unaware of the true nature of the man.

He had half expected to hear her laugh at his nervousness and clumsily delivered admission but instead, she had tightened her arms around him and lifted her head to meet his gaze. The expression in her green eyes matched his own, and he was flooded with feelings of love and surprise, each battling to overwhelm him. Then he had kissed her and moved to bring her beneath him as he leant over her and deepened the kiss. It was nothing shy of a revelation, an epiphany meant to forever erase the times he had loved and lost and a reward for the man who had always put the needs of the galaxy before his own.

Their lovemaking had been slow and tentative at first, each of them savouring the feel of the other's body and force presence. Their feelings joined together and intertwined creating the sensation of heightened awareness as their bodies became one. And even though he feared his words might come across as empty promises to someone as cynical as Mara, he couldn't help himself from opening his heart and soul to her, whispering his devotion to her between laboured breaths as their passion overtook them.

He had touched her, he knew. In those moments of intimacy, he had felt her guard slacken and then drop altogether to join him in his disclosures. Through the force, she had allowed him access into the deep recesses of her mind and he had listened to her secrets and indiscretions and embraced them unconditionally. He loved her and felt that in time, she would admit to loving him with the same depth and devotion.
"Luke, I'm not sure that I know how..." she whispered to him as he rained soft kisses across her forehead. An edge to her voice belied the discomfort she was feeling as the passion drained from her body and was replaced by her old insecurities and prejudices against displaying this amount of emotion.

"Mara," he countered softly, stopping her, "just let me love you. Let me prove to you that your thoughts and feelings are safe with me. That you are safe with me."

She had simply nodded her head against his chest and allowed him to envelop her in the force and in the warmth of his love for her.
Throughout the rest of their journey underground, they had sought each other out repeatedly and their lovemaking had become a study in abandonment as their comfort with each other increased. Foolishly, he had interpreted her receptiveness to his overtures and sometimes, her initiation of lovemaking, as evidence of her growing feelings for him. Certainly, he had not misread the emotions she emitted during those brief moments that she lowered her guard and allowed him a peek into her psyche. Or had he?

By mission's end he had blurted out a proposal of marriage and was delighted beyond belief when she had accepted without as much as an attempt at teasing him. He had thanked the stars silently while holding her in his embrace, grateful for having taken a chance at love one more time.
When exactly had her feelings changed? he asked himself as he reached behind him to pull a pillow behind his head. He had not sensed a difference in her feelings during their journey back to Yavin IV. They had both fallen back into the relentless pattern of bantering and teasing that was so typical of their relationship and so, the exact moment of her change of heart had come and gone unnoticed. He cursed his ability to sense minute changes in the force when it dealt with the galaxy at large, while what took place so close to his heart remained undetected.

However, by their second day back at the academy, he had begun to sense her discomfort and fitfulness. They had agreed to keep news of their engagement a secret until they found the time to break the news to his sister and brother-in-law first. He wouldn't realize until much later just how grateful he would be for that decision. He did not want his grief to be compounded by the pitiful stares of his students and counterparts.

He had sensed that it was only a matter of time before Mara would propose a reason for her departure and so, was saved the element of surprise when on their fourth day back she entered his quarters and explained that business with Karrde required her immediate attention. He had promised himself that he would not fight her decision. There would be no use in doing so. This was Mara, and going against the grain of her argument would not gain him any ground. Besides, he told himself, all Jedi placed a great deal of stock on a person's free will. If he had not been able to bind her heart with the strength of his love then arguing over the matter would not do so either.

However, his heart felt constrained under the weight of her rejection, and his body threatened to resist all reason and give in to the desire to sob uncontrollably. He pulled his pillow from beneath his head, covered his face with it and allowed himself a few moments to grieve audibly, his body convulsing forward as the strength of his torment overtook him.

'A Sense of Loss' - Part II

Chapter Two
"I'm being overly protective," Leia Organa Solo whispered to herself as she paced around her desk and repeated the words her husband had spoken a few hours ago, "Luke can take care of himself!."

And yet, that nagging fear for his well-being that was to blame for her loss of concentration that day did not recede.

Physically, her brother was strong and resilient and she knew, from that morning's conversation with Corran Horn, that he was in good health and maintaining his full training schedule at the academy. Then why couldn't she shake the sensation that something was wrong? Why couldn't she find comfort in the knowledge that Luke was indeed well and busy teaching a full day as usual? She resolved to question him outright before reminding herself that Luke would probably present her with the same fa?e he employed every other time she pressed him on personal matters.
"Leia," he would begin, his features brightening with a smile, "I'm fine. Honest."

He would then proceed to deflect all of her questions until she was simply relegated to pleading, cajoling and ultimately, threatening to extract the information from his mind forcibly if need be. Feigning defeat, he would drop his head and his smile would broaden considerably with the knowledge that his sister, while strong in the force, would be no match for the barriers he could throw up in order to protect whatever it was he was attempting to hide from her.

"I'm just tired, Leia" he would confide, eyes looking up from behind blonde bangs that always appeared too long as he gathered her in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

As if characters in a well-rehearsed play, this had become the established routine between them as of late and she blamed no one more than herself for allowing it to remain so. The physical distance, the difference in their schedules and the constant pressures of dealing with their different sets of responsibilities all converged to add to the emotional distance between them.

Leia bit her lip and stood at the floor length window overlooking the city of Coruscant. A warm smile crossed her lips as she recalled the first memories she had of her brother. Young, invincible and with a brightness in his eyes that took on a hint of mischief in times of merriment. During those early years she had come to realize that Luke Skywalker was simply the most affable of men. Long before his competency in the cockpit had been repeatedly proven, he had gained the admiration of all those he worked closest to. From pilot to technician, there didn't seem to be a sentient being that didn't admire the young man's spirit and easy going manner.

As the years passed and the trials of being the galaxy's only Jedi left their indelible mark on his psyche, Luke had gained an inward temperance and a solemn quietness. Outwardly, however, he remained unaffected and retained the charismatic openness that others found so endearing.

A chuckle escaped her lips as she recalled all the times she had amused herself at social functions by watching as people gathered around him, entertaining him with story after story while he, smiling and nodding, stood listening patiently. Rarely did such an evening end without a handful of guests praising her brother's graciousness and wit, when in reality he had hardly spoken a word.

During one such function, she had overheard it said that if there was an axis on which the universe spun, it was to be found on the tip of Luke Skywalker's index finger. The comment was quickly followed by another's observation that the charming aspect to this was the fact that Luke himself seemed to remain blissfully unaware of it. At the time she had simply smiled and thought to herself just how much truth there had been in the latter part of that statement. Recently however, she had come to regret the fact that while Luke had always taken his elevated status in stride, the rest of the galaxy did not.

Her brother had remained the galaxy's most eligible bachelor and the source of intent media attention from the time he had fired the fateful shot which destroyed the Death Star so many years ago. Since then, and since fulfilling his desire to become a Jedi, numerous women had employed various methods in attempting to catch his eye. A great deal of them from prestigious and influential houses and just as many of them, with the full blessing and support of their royal families.

Before the fall of the Empire, such a union would have never been considered appropriate, much less feasible. The stratification separating a family's royal lineage from that of a career pilot was wide indeed and while such instances did take place, they were invariably met with disapproval and oftentimes, with banishment of the couple from the family in question.

The end of the Emperor's reign on the universe had brought about a slackening of these old rules but not to the degree of admitting a farmboy from the outskirts of the galaxy to enter, unhindered, into a family whose lineage had been meticulously preserved for centuries. And yet, these barriers seemed not to apply where her brother was concerned. She had often joked with him that her role as Chief of State should have been granted her with the addition of a social secretary to field the number of requests made for private meetings with her brother, the Jedi.

Family after family lobbied for the opportunity to introduce their daughters to Luke. All of them, drunk with the idea of having the hero of the New Republic and Jedi Knight, as a member of their family. Their intentions were thinly veiled attempts at increasing their prestige and social standing in their home world and had little to do with finding a suitable mate for their daughters. And while she had long ago become accustomed to the ministrations of the rich and powerful, Luke's discomfort with the situation had taken him quite some time to work through.

Yes, Luke Skywalker is loved by many and feared by the rest, she thought. And yet, she knew that although the galaxy lavished him with their affection and admiration, he still lived a life that found him alone with his thoughts most every night.

This realization made its way from her head to her heart and she suddenly ached for her twin. Her own sacrifices on behalf of the Rebellion had taken their toll on her life as well but she had been blessed with a husband and children, and with a semblance of a normal life that provided her with solace and comfort during times of crisis. Luke, however, was left to shoulder the considerable responsibility of running his Jedi academy on his shoulders alone.

Leia inhaled deeply and stepped away from the window. With a sudden burst of determination she decided to trust her gut feeling and her gut told her that Luke needed her. Whether he would admit it or not was another matter altogether. Still, she had to try.

Making her way to her com terminal she decided to send a message to her brother requesting his presence in Coruscant and informing him that he should expect to remain for a few days at the very least. Then, but for a couple of social engagements that could not be avoided, she cleared her calendar and prepared to spend as much time as she could in the company of her twin. Barring any unexpected demands on her time, she might be able to persuade him to confide in her and share the burden that she suspected, had been preventing him from sleeping well these past few weeks.

******

Mara Jade caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye and all at once realized how wrong she had been ever to have left his side.
Oh, Luke...how I've missed you, she thought to herself and for a moment, her heart skipped with the possibility that she had waited too long to come back to him. Then, as if prompted by the force itself, Luke turned and walked slowly towards her. His jaw was set with a look of determination which he gave voice to as he pulled her into an embrace and covered her mouth with his own. A sweet and powerful feeling of relief swept through her, overcoming her senses and filling her with joy.

"Gods! How I've missed you, Mara." He whispered in her ear in between kisses, barely allowing her to capture her breath.

Her knees felt weak against him and she wrapped her arms around his neck and melted into his body. She gasped as he traded whispers for kisses along the curve of her ear and neck and as he swept her up and carried her to his bed, she resolved to never be any further apart from him than this.
The feeling of his body atop hers again made her dizzy with delight and every time his blue eyes met hers her heart threatened to stop beating.
"Don't ever leave me again, Mara" he groaned hoarsely as he covered her body with his and slowly entered her. Her eyes clouded with tears and she tried in vain to squeeze them shut and refocus her vision. She wanted to record this moment into her memory and cherish it for as long as she lived.

As if listening to herself from outside her own body, she could hear her voice calling out his name like a chant meant to offer salvation. Indeed, she felt saved. Rescued from time spent too long without him. Time filled with longing and despair and with the knowledge that if she lost him; it would have been due to her own misplaced sense of pride.

"You belong to me, Mara!" He whispered seductively, "You will always belong to me."

A stilted breath caught at the base of her throat as she thread her fingers around his hair and lifted his head to look at his flushed face. His eyes were suddenly unrecognizable to her. They had taken on a hardness ill fitted for the moment of intimacy they were sharing and did not seem to belong to the man whose face was centimeters from her own. Their color was not that of a summer's day sky but instead, filled with a swirling milky green pallor that she remembered but couldn't place.

"No!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, horrified at the change he had undergone and at the realization of who those eyes belonged to.
Sweat plastered her undershirt to her body and ran down her face as she jack-knifed up and out of her cot. Her eyes snapped open and closed again, furiously trying to wipe the imagery of her nightmare away.

I don't belong to you, Skywalker! She repeated to herself between clenched teeth over and over again, in an effort to override the effects of her dream. Not to you, not to Palpatine...not to anyone!

She stood on shaky legs and made her way to the cockpit to sit and gaze out among the stars surrounding her ship. Quivering, she brought up her knees and wrapped her arms around them.

"Damned manipulative, spoon-bending, son of a Sith!" She spewed aloud, frustrated by the belief that Luke Skywalker had somehow gotten into her head and the knowledge that she had let him in herself.

Just how much piece of mind will this little indiscretion end up costing me, Skywalker? She asked herself, once again reverting to the loss and profit system of measurement that she related to so well.

She had spent the first half of her life training to become Emperor Palpatine's assassin and then just as much time using those skills to do his bidding. Even after his death, his last command had cheated her out of years that she could never reclaim, hunting Luke down and trying to kill him.
After spending much of her life in the service of another and just as much time ridding her mind of the effects such a service had had on her, she was resolved not to trade one master for another. Not that she truly believed Luke was evil, of course.

Hell! She thought, I don't think Luke is even capable of ill will!

But the premise of needing anyone was more than Mara Jade could withstand. Years of anger and deception had tempered her steel and as much as her body ached for him, her mind would not allow another lapse in judgment to take place. Even if the damage had been done, it was nothing she felt some time and distance couldn't fix.

A Sense of Loss - Part III
Chapter Three

Luke Skywalker eased further into the seat and let his shoulders roll back a bit, relishing the feel of his X-wing's cockpit. Much to Artoo's chagrin, he had insisted on setting the course to Coruscant himself, and resisted the little droid's many requests to engage the autopilot and offer his master a rest from the controls.

There is no feeling like this in the whole of the universe, he thought to himself, letting his mind drift back to the countless number of hours he had spent flying in the company of Wedge, Wes, and the other Rogue Squadron pilots during the early years of the war. The end of the war had brought about times of peace, punctuated by numerous threats to the Republic that still required his participation, but his participation these days was in the role of a Jedi Knight, and more often than not, took place in the political arena. His days as a member of the Rebellion's rank and file were over now, and he missed them deeply, along with the camaraderie of those seemingly simple days.

He had received Leia's message via Corran Horn with a mixture of pleasure and light heartedness that surprised him, given the circumstances. He had spent the last few weeks in a fog, forcing himself to continue his daily routine, but knowing full well that his heart was not in it. The fact that Leia had sensed this was not at all surprising. In all actuality, the only thing surprising was that it had taken his sister this long to tug on his ear, and pull him back to Coruscant. There, she would undoubtedly spend an inordinate amount of time trying to pry his latest set of concerns out of him, using any means at her disposal.

Following closely on the heels of her interrogation would be Han's plea for Luke to reconsider. "Before she kills us both, kid," he would say, "and tears Coruscant down around our ears!"

Luke smiled at the memory of his sister's five-foot frame standing squarely in front of him during all those times when she considered his behavior unreasonable. When angered, Leia's determination knew no boundaries, and although there weren't many people in the universe that Luke feared upsetting, his sister was definitely one of them. Nothing Yoda had ever taught him had prepared him for dealing with Leia when she was upset, and he wondered whether anything ever would.

"The Empire is afraid of Luke Skywalker," Wedge had often chided him, "And Luke Skywalker is afraid of his sister!"

"If she were you're sister, you'd be afraid of her too," Luke would reply.

"Hate to tell you, Luke, she's not my sister, and I'm still afraid of her!" Wedge would answer, laughing at the both of them.

She's a force to be reckoned with, Luke mused still smiling, the humor of his dilemma relieving some of the stress of the past few weeks.

A moment later, a not so pleasant thought crept into his mind, and darkened his mood considerably. Even if he could share the developments of his relationship with Mara, he knew that to do so would be to incur his sister's wrath.

Over the years, Mara Jade had gained considerable esteem in the eyes of the New Republic, and had become a trusted ally in their efforts to keep the last remnants of the Empire at bay. But Luke knew that Leia had not forgotten Mara's assertion that he would die at her hands, and would not receive news of a potential relationship between them with open arms. Especially when she learned of Mara's unceremonious rejection, and subsequent departure from Yavin IV.

The memory of her slipping out of his arms, and into the waiting ship threatened to throw him headlong into another agonizing evaluation of all that had transpired between them. Instead, he decided to set his mind on the course ahead of him, and on the simple pleasure of navigating his X-wing through the inky darkness of space.

*******

Han Solo had always marveled at how well his wife kept control of the reigns he and his brother-in-law were tethered to. Regardless of each of their accomplishments, neither he nor Luke could ever successfully stand up to Leia's overprotectiveness, and he knew that today would be no different. She had spent the morning clearing up last minute details, and tying up loose ends so that she could devote the rest of the day to her brother.
The kid doesn't know what he's getting himself into! Han thought to himself as he watched Leia pacing around her desk, data pad in one hand while the other shuffled through files of datacards. If he did, he doubted Luke would have agreed to pay them a visit so readily. Especially without a hint of information as to why his sister needed him.

Han shook his head, and pondered the relationship between his wife and her brother. There had never been any unkind words between them, nor signs of any significant discord in their relationship in all of the years he had known them. Even at times when Leia had been deeply angry with Luke, she had never managed to remain so. For his part, Luke always appeared to accept Leia's well-intentioned prying with a minimal amount of complaint, and with a great deal of patience. Still, there were times when Han felt honor bound to stick up for Luke, and remind his wife that her brother was a grown man, and deserving of his privacy. All to no avail. Leia adored Luke and she knew that her brother was distressed about something, so she was not about to let the matter rest until she found out what it was, and had figured out a way to help him through it.
Had she asked him what he thought the problem could be, he would have been forced to lie, and was therefore, grateful that Leia had assumed he knew nothing more than she did. In reality, Han was pretty certain he understood what was troubling Luke. By simple process of elimination, he was able to ascertain that Luke's worries had something to do with his lovelife or lack of one.

What else would have the ability to keep Luke from sleeping? He asked himself, as he watched Leia continue to rummage through her desk. Luke's mastery of the Force made him capable of handling most, if not all, types of critical situations. If the matter had been of any political importance, Luke would have enlisted the help of his sister prior to this visit. If the matter had concerned one of his students, Luke would have informed Leia of that fact as well. That only left one possibility, and had his gambling days not already ended, Han would have bet the Falcon that this particular problem had a lot to do with Mara Jade.

Han brought his hand to the bridge of his nose, covering the smirk that tugged at the left corner of his lips. He didn't need the power of the Force to see that Luke and Mara had been circling each other for years and these days, the circles appeared to be getting smaller. Still, he doubted Luke could penetrate Mara's armor and survive the task, but he also knew that if anyone could break through her cold exterior, it would have to be Luke. And, he realized, Luke had always had a soft spot for lost causes.

He added that to the rumors that he and Mara had spent a lot of time in each other's company after their return to Yavin IV, and the situation was clear. Except to Leia, who would never have been able to conceive of her gentle brother's interest in Mara, for while she trusted the Master Trader with the gathering of information on behalf of the Republic, he was sure she would never trust her with her brother's heart.

As far as Luke was concerned, Han had long ago given up hope of making sense out of his brother-in-law's idiosyncrasies. Luke's thought process had never made any sense to Han, so he simply explained most of it away by reminding himself that Luke was a Jedi and prone to leaps of faith and non-linear thinking. Of course, the fact that Luke always managed to land feet first only served to encourage his lunacy, and only a lunatic would attempt taking Mara Jade on as a love interest.

Han Solo's thoughts were interrupted by the muted, happy shouting of his three children just on the other side of the anteroom's door, indicating their Uncle's arrival. A moment later, the doors hissed open, and Luke appeared carrying Anakin who clung desperately to his neck, and with each of his arms around one of the twins. His flight suit was pulled down to his waist, the sleeves tied in a knot at the front, exposing the black, long sleeved undershirt he wore beneath. Han hadn't seen his brother-in-law for a while, but Luke's appearance was notable for not changing much throughout the years. A boyishness still graced his features but his eyes looked tired and dim.

"Hey, kid!" Han bellowed over his children's screams and laughter as he reached to give Luke a hug. "Its good to see you again!"
Luke kissed his niece and nephew, and managed to pry Anakin from his neck, before greeting his brother-in-law. Once within earshot, Han whispered "This is your last chance to get out of here, kid!"

Luke chuckled and clapped Han's back, then moved to where Leia stood, still attached to her com unit's ear piece and engrossed in conversation.
"Hi, Leia." He whispered into her ear as he wrapped his arms around his sister, and picked her up a couple of inches off the ground before gently setting her back on her feet, and kissing her forehead. Leia tugged on his shirt and brought him down to plant a kiss on his cheek then rolled her eyes with a look of exasperation, and continued her conversation.

"Well, kid," Han shouted over his shoulder as he ushered the kids towards the door, "Have a pleasant chat! We'll be seeing you later for dinner, right?"

Luke took note of Han's quick exit then nodded knowingly and took a seat on the sofa directly in front of Leia's desk while waiting for her conversation to end and the onslaught of questions to begin.

*******

"Luke, do it as a personal favor to me!" Leia insisted before taking another bite of her lunch, well aware of her brother's distaste for social functions and his ability to come up with a thousand excuses not to attend. "You need only stay through the cocktail hour if you wish but at least make an appearance!"

Luke wrinkled his nose and regarded his sister for a moment before realizing that Leia had once again out maneuvered him. She had very astutely refrained from asking him any questions regarding his state of mind, instead, choosing to keep him in good humor so that she could ensure his acceptance of her request to attend the event in question.

In the game of strategy, Luke knew he was outmatched by his twin.

He smiled broadly and fixed his gaze on her face, which remained locked on her plate and perfectly serene. After a few seconds, she could no longer avert his stare and risked a peek at her brother's face. The smile she had been trying so hard to keep in check escaped and they both erupted in laughter.

"You think you have me wrapped around your little finger, don't you? He asked, waving his fork at her, his blue eyes twinkling.

"I don't think it, little brother," she responded setting her chin on her hand, "I do."

"Besides," she continued, turning serious once again. "You'll get a chance to visit with Wedge and Iella! I know they've both been looking forward to seeing you again."

"Oh!" she added, as if struck by the afterthought, "And Mara Jade is expected to attend as well."

"Mara!?" Luke shouted, dropping his fork on his plate with a loud clatter.

Leia jumped in spite of herself at Luke's reaction and speared him with a worried look. Then, before she could formulate a response, she caught a flash of Luke's emotions through the Force and quickly realized that the question and answer session she had planned following their lunch would no longer be necessary. A deep frown creased her forehead. She was now painfully aware of what her brother had been trying so hard to keep from her these past few weeks.

*******

Mara Jade began her landing cycle and eased her ship through Coruscant's atmosphere, awaiting her clearance and platform assignment when she suddenly felt it. A wave of sensation that swept over and through her body, its identity unmistakable.

Luke?! She thought to herself, taking in a sharp breath and releasing it slowly.

A thousand scenarios rushed through her mind all at once. It was not like Luke to grace Coruscant with his presence unless a crisis had required him to be here. And, if she knew Luke like she thought she did, he should still be nursing his wounds in isolation on Yavin IV, away from the prying eyes and well intentions of his family and friends.

Perhaps there are no wounds to nurse! She thought, as she flung her head back and onto the headrest.

Luke Skywalker had scoured the galaxy for years in search of his lost love, Callista. Yet, he had allowed Mara to simply board a ship and fly away from him, with only a half-baked story as an excuse and making no attempts at stopping her.

"While I've been..." she whispered, her anger rising to color her cheeks as thoughts of her troubled sleep flooded her memory.

She allowed the anger to surge through her and take hold, and for the first time in months, felt better for it. It assuaged the uncomfortable feelings of longing and desire that had predominated the last few months and bathed her anew with the strength she recognized and knew how to use.

*******

Leia Organa Solo sat silently in her suite's living quarters, hands resting on her lap, while her brother paced the room, trying to find the words that would give the right amount of weight to the emotions he was feeling. Not that he needed to speak at all, for he knew that his sister was now privy to all of his inner most thoughts.

"I love her, Leia" he finally stated, his eyes cast downward, not looking at his sister. "I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's true."

Leia bit back her response and stood to face him, gathering his hands in her own. It pained her to the core to see her brother like this, and she tried to refrain from pointing out to him that while Mara Jade may have been freed from the command that once urged her to kill him, she had not made the strides that would enable her to now love him. Instead, she led Luke to a seat on the sofa next to her and allowed him to bear his heart.
In the end, it was all she could do. Luke's assurances that he had touched Mara's heart and had sensed her affection for him, precluded her from questioning Mara's motives or intentions. Even more shocking, was the revelation that he had proposed marriage and that she had accepted. Whatever the reasons for her temporary lapse, Mara had apparently thought better of it and left Yavin, leaving Luke to spend the past few months in a sleepless haze.

And so, Leia listened sympathetically and offered her brother her unwavering support with the hopes that it would be enough to bring him some comfort and solace, if not the solution he so desperately wanted.

*******

"Same party, different night, huh, kid?" Han asked his brother-in-law as he flung his arm around Luke's shoulder and surveyed the room beneath them. Then he took a step back and admired Luke's attire. Leia had insisted Luke wear the dark blue pants and jacket in an effort to diversify his signature all-black wardrobe.

"You're looking rather spiffy tonight!" Han teased; knowing Luke would have preferred being back in a rancor pit than at a gathering of politicians.
Luke glanced down at himself and gave Han a grin. "Leia's idea, not mine!" he answered, knowing full well that Han could see through the charade. His brother-in-law was not force adept, but was possessed of a keen sense and a knowing eye that saw right through people. Himself included.
"Well, we better make our way down there," he sighed, "Before she sends a squad up to get us!"

Leia was already poised at the entrance of the great hall, standing beside Mon Mothma and other Republic dignitaries and greeting guests as they were announced and made their way onto the Great Room. She wore a formal version of her senatorial gown, which was fashioned from a pearlized fabric that shimmered in the light and left her slender arms and neckline exposed. Her hair had been swept up in a complicated arrangement of braids that set off sparkling drop earrings.

Once down stairs, Luke caught his sister's eye and winked at her from across the room, but kept his distance from the receiving line, not wishing to be pulled into conversations with various and sundry politicians.

Leia glanced at her brother and smiled in return, sensing his discomfort. It had taken all of her energy not to question his sanity, not to mention, his judgment, in his decision to court Mara Jade. She trusted Mara and believed in her claim that her days of service to the Emperor were over. However, she considered that the damage to Mara's personality had become part of her innate character and that the viscous callousness she was known for would spell disaster for someone as emotionally vulnerable as Luke.

If only he didn't always feel everything so strongly! She thought. Then again, perhaps it wasn't that he felt so strongly but that the aggregate weight of all of his losses had been too great. And, that he had been unable to share the weight of those losses with anyone.

"Ms. Mara Jade, Master Trader!"

Leia's head snapped in the direction of the entrance as the name was announced in time to see Mara make her way down the long flight of stairs, wearing a sweeping gown of silver-sage fabric, festooned at her waist with a jewel encrusted broach, leaving her back bare. Her skirt was fashioned from flowing pieces of the same material, which swept aside and revealed her legs as she walked.

Leia forced herself not to search the room for Luke and instead, kept her gaze on Mara and waited for her to make her way down the line.
"Welcome, Mara" Leia greeted, extending her hand and taking Mara's firmly.

"Madam Chief of State" Mara responded, her smile revealing nothing of the circumstances regarding her brother. She then proceeded inside and disappeared amongst the heavy crowd of guests.

*******

So avoidance is the strategy of the day? Mara thought to herself as she noted Luke's wide berth while she made her way throughout the room, engaging in the banal exchanges politicians considered polite conversation. Still, whenever within earshot, the sound of his voice made her breath catch in her throat and his presence in the force resonated in her mind, causing her to lose her focus on the conversation at hand.

In an attempt to clear her thoughts, Mara exited the Great Room and proceeded to walk out onto the open balcony which surrounded the building. Coruscant would never be considered a beautiful planet, its total absence of vegetation gave it a cold and stark appearance. However, in the evening, the lights from its grandiose structures and skyhooks gave it a magical feel against the dark background of night.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Leia Organa Solo asked, walking slowly to stand next to her and gaze out over the railing.

"To some, I suppose," replied Mara, not bothering to turn around. She knew very well that Leia had not joined her to simply admire the view, and momentarily wondered how Leia intended to broach the subject of her twin brother. Undoubtedly, Luke had already confided in his sister. Even if he hadn't, Mara knew the bond they shared was too strong for the issue to have remained hidden from his sister for very long.

"It's better shared with someone, I think," Leia stated flatly, without a hint of amusement in her voice.

"Given you all the intimate details, has he?" Mara countered, deciding to go on the offensive, "Your brother is a grown man, Leia, and whatever has transpired between us is personal."

"My brother's concerns are my own, Mara," Leia responded, not missing a beat, "You, of all people, should know that."

"Then again," she added, not giving her a chance to answer, "Not ever having cared for anyone in you life, perhaps you don't!"

"What exactly bothers you the most, Leia?" Mara retorted, foregoing the pretence of civility, "The fact that Luke fell in love with me, or the fact that he didn't ask for your permission first?"

"The fact that you led him to believe that you could care for him when you and I know perfectly well that love is not something you're capable of!" Leia answered, squaring her body to come face to face with the Master Trader.

"Madam Chief of State, I suggest you restrict yourself to discussing matters of which you have some personal knowledge and allow your brother to live his own life," Mara seethed through clenched teeth, "and sleep with whom he wishes!"

Mara's blatant reference to the intimate nature of her dealings with Luke did not go unnoticed by Leia, and she fought to hide the blush she felt rise in her cheeks at the transgression.

"One of these days, Mara Jade," Leia stated icily, carefully measuring each word, "You will have the opportunity to look back on your pathetic and solitary life, and you will remember that Luke Skywalker once offered you his love."

"And," she added, her voice tinged with pity, "that you threw it away with both hands." Then, she turned on her heels and made her way back inside.
Shaken, Mara Jade was left alone to contemplate Leia's last words, then slowly turned her attention back to the Coruscant skyline once again.

*******

Throughout the evening, Luke had maintained a sense of Mara's location, while appearing to be engrossed in conversation with various guests. However, her presence was suffocatingly palpable, regardless of her physical distance. Like the pull of a strong magnet, Luke felt himself drawn to Mara and had to concentrate to keep from crossing her path. But now that the reception was shifting into the ballroom, his focus began to fail him and he could hardly keep his heart from pounding erratically in his chest.

Luke walked to his assigned table, which overlooked the ballroom's floor and took a seat next to his sister. Leia smiled reassuringly and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Thanks, sister," he whispered into her ear, grateful for Leia's support in spite of the fact that she was not pleased with the situation. Leia's unwavering affection had gotten him through a lot of the toughest times in his life, and he counted on it to do so once again.

As the dancing began, Mara Jade wasted no time in finding a partner and an opportunity to showcase her skills. Her fluidity on the dance floor made light of her many partners' lack of expertise and she was hardly allowed to sit for the better part of the night.

As Leia looked on, her anxiety for her brother's feelings increased. Luke was betraying no emotion, but she knew that it was only his strength in the force, which kept him at peace. Mara's motives were clear and they did nothing to dispel Leia's already low opinion of her sensibilities. A moment later, Luke's calm demeanor gave way and he stood from his seat and headed towards Mara and her partner.

As Leia held her breath, Luke approached the dancing couple, asked to cut in, then possessively wrapped his arm around Mara's waist and brought her in close to him. Han and Leia exchanged worried looks, both releasing the breath they had held. Then, as if reading her mind, Han reached for his wife's hand and led her onto the dance floor.

Though their eyes had not met, Mara could sense Luke's anxiety as he led her slowly, restricting them to a small section of the dance floor. His breath on her cheek caused a shiver to run down her spine and she cursed herself for not being able to conceal the effect. Feeling encouraged, Luke's hand moved tighter around the curve of her back, slightly caressing the bare skin with his fingertips. He brought the hand he held towards his chest, held it in place then kissed the top of her ear and smiled as another shiver made its way through her.

"Skywalker," she whispered through clenched teeth, "I didn't come here to be hit on by you."

"So I noticed," he replied as he pressed her even closer to him, leaving no doubt in any of the guests' mind as to the nature of their relationship. "Why did you come, Mara?"

"Business, Skywalker. Why else?"

"Is that what you call dancing with every male in the room?" he answered jovially, trying to keep the mood light and the direction of the conversation from turning sour.

"If that's what the job requires, yes." she threw back, enjoying the familiarity of the banter she excelled in and the jealousy she suspected he was feeling.

"Tell me then, Mara," he whispered, his voice revealing the heartache he felt, "What type of business were you conducting with me?"

Mara jerked her head away from his and skewered him with an angry glare, her body tensing against his. The flame in her eyes grew in intensity and Luke knew that she was seconds away from losing her temper. Holding her hand so that she could not pull free, he led her smoothly to the end of the ballroom and up the stairs that opened to the entrance foyers. Once free of the crowd, he pulled her into one of the circular conference rooms that made up half of the top floor and closed the door.

His decision to force a confrontation surprised Mara. Then again, the passionate man she had come to know during the last few months bared little resemblance to the reserved Jedi Knight she thought she knew so well.

"Tantrums aren't your style, Skywalker!" She spat, suddenly nervous at their close proximity and the enclosed space surrounding them.
"Neither is giving my heart away to a woman who doesn't appreciate the gesture!" He shot back, his cheeks reddening, their blush meeting at the bridge of his nose as his jaw clenched in anger.

"Actually, that would be your style, Skywalker. Lest you forget Callista?" She threw back defensively.

Luke's eyes turned into slits and his jaw slackened in shock at her response. He felt himself grow hot as anger mixed with pain and riveted him to the floor, unable to utter a sound. All at once Mara felt the impact of her statement and for a single moment, regretted speaking the words that had caused him such pain. Her mouth moved to speak but was stopped short by his words.

"I will remember not to make the same mistake again, Mara." He stated, regaining some of his composure, "Be rest assured!"

His assertion that their time spent together had indeed been a mistake served to stoke the fires that had temporarily dimmed within her. "You didn't think it a mistake when you were professing your love, farmboy!" She shouted, "But since you've now realized it, perhaps you'll see your way clear to letting me rejoin the party!"

Luke moved to block her way, crossing his arms in front of his chest and stopping her in her tracks. As they came face to face, he could sense her mixed emotions. Searching her eyes he heard her take in a breath and hold it in trepidation.

"Feeling something, Mara?" he challenged, not moving his face away from hers.

"Get out of my head, Skywalker!" She screamed, holding her ground and mentally reinforcing the walls that kept him out.

Calmly, he reached out and placed his hands on her shoulders. "I never wanted to be in your head, Mara," He said softly, "I was trying to find a place in your heart."

"By way of my pants?" She countered, cocking her eyebrow up and holding his stare, "That method has been tried by others before, Skywalker! It doesn't work!"

"Worked well enough to keep you from sleeping peacefully lately, Mara!" he responded, letting his anger get the best of him again and bringing his face closer to hers. "Don't think I haven't heard you!"

Mara struggled to loosen his grip, but he held her in place and leaned in to her once again. "And no matter how much time goes by," he whispered hotly, "it will still be my name you call out in the middle of the night!"

Exposed, but refusing to cower, Mara turned her face up to meet his eyes, "You frighten me, Skywalker" she responded in a voice meant to transmit disgust rather than fear, her body shaking with anger. "Now get out of my way!"

"You cut your teeth at the feet of men like Palpatine and Vader, and now you're afraid of me?!" He shouted, releasing her and taking a few steps back, feeling repulsed.

"I didn't love...," she shouted back, turning away from him and clenching her fists before stammering to a stop. Her anger flowed freely now. Anger at herself for revealing too much. Anger at him for creating in her a wash of emotion that she was unable to keep in check and now caused her to tremble like a frightened child. She felt trapped by his ability to see through her and knew that a thousand denials could not conceal what lay behind the walls she had built over the years.

The pain of the vulnerability she was experiencing was too much for her to bear. The truth of his words mixed with those Leia had uttered earlier seared through her as she recalled the many nights she had awakened searching for him in her bed. In those moments suspended between sleep and consciousness, she would have given anything to feel him next to her, to feel his arms around her and to hear the sound of his voice. The last time she had slumbered peacefully had been in the comfort and warmth of his embrace.

The strength she had mustered to keep her barriers intact dissolved under the weight of his words echoing in her ears. Years of practiced deceit and of solidifying her armour fell away and left her naked before him, revealing every facet of her being. As tears streamed down her face she gave in to an uncontrollable sobbing, but remained turned away from him, unable to meet his gaze.

Moving slowly, Luke walked behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders, turning her around and drawing her into his arms. He didn't speak a word; afraid that to do so would be to launch her into another verbal defense. He reached out through the force instead and caressed her mind, softly calming her, the way he had done every night they'd spent together in those darkened caves.

When she finally opened her eyes, Luke had drawn her out onto a private balcony. She hadn't remembered walking outside, nor taking the lift that had brought them this far up. She felt drained and weak from the release of emotion but the soft breeze soothed her and felt cool against her wet lashes. She felt Luke cup her cheek in his hand and bring her lips up to meet his in a kiss. Her body melted against his, the taste of him intoxicatingly powerful.

"I love you with all of my heart, Mara." He whispered, breaking away but not separating himself from her. His breath felt warm against her face and she inched closer, seeking the warmth again. She opened her mouth to speak, but found that she could not do so. Her hands continued to tremble in his and her heart felt as it would break free of its constraints and jump into her mouth.

"Shhh," he whispered, bringing his index finger to his lips as he reached out tentatively with the force and felt for her presence. For the first time in her life, she relaxed into him, allowing him entrance to her thoughts and feelings and receiving his freely. Luke brought his forehead to rest on hers and smiled, never before aware of the strength of her emotions and of the love she had tried to conceal from him. Tears formed in his eyes and pushed past his lashes.

*Better than anything you could have said aloud.* she heard him say.

Mara returned the smile and wrapped her arms around his neck, casting adrift the last of her pent up emotions and delighting in the feel of having them met and returned with a greater intensity. The vulnerability she had felt and was so frightened of, was now replaced by a feeling of comfort and absolute joy. Sensing her thoughts, Luke gathered her in his arms and swayed her slightly back and forth to the sound of the music emanating from the ballroom below. Mara giggled in his ear, and he was delighted in the sound he had never heard before.

*******

"Are they both still alive?" Han asked his wife as he led her from the dance floor back to their table, "Or should I send Chewie to look for bodies?"

Leia looked up at her husband and squeezed his hand, releasing the apprehension she had felt all evening long. She could feel her brother's bliss and the warmth that enveloped him and it served to temporarily eclipse her doubts in favor of enjoying her twin's newfound happiness.

"They're fine," she told him, her face brightening with a smile, "they're both fine!"

"Well, your worship!" Han boasted with a lopsided grin, "I told you Luke could take care of himself!"

*******

Luke Skywalker lay on his side, his head resting on his hand, and watched as Mara slept peacefully beside him. Her mass of red hair spilled out over her pillow and her face still glistened from the sweat of their lovemaking. It took all of his restraint not to awaken her with a kiss and with overtures to make love again, so he settled for gazing at her face as she slept.

With the enthusiasm of two children, they had exchanged confessions for hours in between kisses, inducing fits of laughter that reduced them both to tears. Even their shared experiences took on new meaning as each disclosed the emotions they had not dared tell each other at the time.

"Your eyes have always hypnotized me, Master Skywalker," she had whispered, her finger following the outline of his jaw and ending on the cleft of his chin, "They're too blue to ignore."

"And your curves always hypnotized me, Jade." he had shot back, pulling her in for a kiss and lowering her naked body onto his.

Luke smiled at the recent memory. If loving her with her barriers firmly in place had been wonderful, loving her without them had been sublime. As he watched her sleep, a frown began to cloud her features and she reached out, her hand flailing, searching for the presence her dreams told her should be there.

"Luke?," she mumbled softly, her voice trembling and on the verge of disappointment.

"I'm here, my love," Luke whispered, taking her hand and pulling her in to embrace her against his chest, "I'll always be here."

The End