It has been reported that a "certain" red-haired Master Trader was
spotted peeking in the window of the oh so fashionable baby boutique
"Baby Bantha" and was said to have a, shall we say "glow" about her.
This reporter is wondering just who the lucky "Master", I mean, man
is! Hmm, shouldn't she be consulting the best bridal consultants of
Coruscant instead? Oops, did I just let the womprat out of the bag?
Just remember you heard it read it here first.

Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master caught in sex scandal!!

Luke Skywalker , Jedi Master, is caught red handed with a certain red headed
lady. A source close to the Jedi Master report that his current girlfriend,
Callista Ming walked in on her man and the red head while he was playing with
his saber. Our source reports that Ms. Ming is thoroughly distraught over the
events and is even now moving her things from the Jedi's apartment.

In other news, Mara Jade has announced that she is to give birth to a child
sometime in the next 6 standard months. She has declined to name the father at
this time.

~Intergalactic Enquirer

MASTER SKYWALKER ARRESTED

Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master and brother to Madam Chief of State Leia
Organa Solo, was arrested Saturday on the charge of Assult and
Battery. The incident occurred at a palace ball celebrating a new
peace treaty with the representatives of Jealousae, a planet in the
outter region. Palace insiders say an inebriated General Lando
Calrissian approached Master Trader Mara Jade, placed a hand on her
backside, and then kissed her on the mouth. According to sources,
Master Skywalker then struck General Calrissian in the mouth with a
closed fist, knocking him unconscious to the floor. Master Skywalker
was arrested shortly there after and gave no resistance. At this
time, General Calrissian has filed no charges against Master
Skywalker and is due to be released from the hospital later this
week. Palace Officals and teachers at the Jedi Accademy on Yavin 4
have declined comment.

****It should be noted by this reporter that the above story consists
ONLY of the facts on the incident and therefore is NOT subject to
lawsuits by any above mentioned parties. (Readers note: This is the
result of a court order from a charge filed agaist the Intergalatic
Inquirer, by an above party, after a story was printed about said
party shopping at Baby Bantha) Jayden

"Illustrious Jedi Master Caught Snogging His Deadly Wife to Death In
a Spaceport!"

i posted it before, a tag line for 'naughtiness', now another one;

"Jedi Master Rushed To the Emergency MedWard Due To An Unfortunate
Accident."

"We are here live outside the prestigious Santorelli Hospital, where
it was reported that the galaxy's only Jedi Master, Luke Skywalker,
was rushed for emergency surgery at dawn today. We were told by the
family's PR officer that he is going to be fine and will be out in,
quote; "no time". In an unprecedented occurence, the Mater's new
wife, Jedi Mara Jade Skywalker gave a statement just 10 minutes ago.

(an new image on screen, Mara Jade looking tired and extremely
irritated)

'The stupid Jedi slipped on a wet tatch and banged his head on the
fresher stall! I don't know how many times i've told him to wake up
properly every morning! Feh! He deserves those stitches! Serves him
right! *mumbles* stupid Jedi...'

(image: Mara mumbling, shaking her head, walking away from the
screen)

(image: changed, the twilekk holo reporter grinning widely)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Han: (slapping lukes back) haahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahaahahahahaha

Luke: (sitting up on the ward bed) han...

Han: 'serves him right', haahaahaahaahaahaahaahaa!

Luke: (sweatdrops)

"Jedi Masters Wife in caught in a Compromising Position with Brother
in Law."

Coruscant- it seems while Jedi Master Luke Skywalker is away on Yavin
his wife, Mara Jade Skywalker, is finding company with her Brother in
Law. It was reported to this source that both Solo and Jade-Skywalker
where seen entering the the formers ship late friday night. And that
they where then both seen leaving said ship on saturday morning in a
bit of disarray. Quote one source " they walked down the ramp
straightening out and zipping/ buttoning up thier shirts". Another who
was around that night heard what sounded like the throughs of passion
"I was passing by and from the ship I heard what i believe is human
mating practice using vulgar words, and no i was not snooping my race
has a very long range of hearing." At press time our calls where not
returned from either the Solo or Skywalker households for comment.

Intergalactir Star Reporter found Dead on Walkway"

Late this evening, one of our star reporters, Skye Adams, ("Jedi
Masters Wife in caught in a Compromising Position with Brother in
Law."), was found dead on one of the upper level walkways heading
towards the Palace. Coroners reports suggest that the death was
caused by blaster. However, on that corridor, weapons are strictly
forbidden, suggesting that a long-range attack was used. This, in
conjunction with several other recent shootings lead Palace Security
to believe that a sniper is targeting high-level holoreporters. So
far, the only thing the 3 deaths have in common is that they all
have discredited, or otherwise spoke ill of the Jedi Master and/or
his wife. Both the Skywalker and Solo residences declined comment,
but our enterprising bothan reporter, Jule Feyla, niece of the
committe member, reports seeing Jade-skywalker cleaning a large
caliber blaster rifle.

Naughty, naughty! The true story...

At an official press conference today, the official spokespersons for the
Jedi Council and Senator Leia Organa Solo have made the following statement
regarding an erroneous report filed by the Interglactic Star:

Han Solo asked Mara Jade Skywalker to help him work on his hyperdrive
modifications since Master Luke Skywalker wasn't available and Chewbaca was
off planet. They worked all hours of the night, it got too hot in the
Falcon so they stripped down to their undershirts. To quote the
spokesperson for Senator Organa Solo, "Of course their hair was messed up
from crawling around under the hold. Anyone's hair would be." The formal
General Solo and Mara Jade Skywalker have always been recognized as having
quite "salty" language, especially when working on the Falcon. The
Skywalker/Solo families feel that the news media doesn't have enough to
report to continue badgering innocent people. It has been reported that
when Jedi Master Luke Skywalker was approached by an independent news
source, his reaction was to look amused and say that he would hate to be the
reporter ever got on his wife's bad side and if she wasn't getting enough at
home... at this point the spokesperson for the Jedi Council escorted the
reporter away. This is the true story and all parties concerned are
sticking by it

Extra* *Extra*

The Intergalactic Star
Special Evening Edition

We ordinarily do not publish our paper in the evenings, but due to
some recent and unforseeen circumstances, we have reason to believe
that this may very well be our last night publishing. We have
recieved an anonymus threat detailing the destruction of our
printing facilities within the next 24 hours. The caller was
disquised, but some key phrases were overheard. Currently the
Security detail is looking into these mysterious wordings, and we
come to plea for the public's help. These phrases were heard,and if
the public has any info, please forward it to Coruscant Security at
212.4649.239.3329.
The phrases overheard were:
1: Farmboy? Who are you calling?
2: Jedi, get off the phone, and help me with these detonaters!
3: My love, where on earth did you get 200 pounds of explosives?
Isn't that a bit of overkill for just a newsstand? (2nd voice) My
former boss sent them with his compliments. Besides, we can use the
extra to go after the remaining sithspawned holojournalists on their
own turf!

Again, anyone with any information concerning these events, please
contact Security.

Skywalker, Calrissian and Durron comments on Jedi Masters wife and
brother in law caught.

Yavin 4- Jedi Master Kyp Duron (See articles Destroyer of Cardia star
Vol 9998 # 4) makes a comment about recient reports that Jedi Mara
Jade-Skywalker and Han Solo are having an affair. Quote "I don't know
where you people have dug up your stories, nor do I care. But
considering the age of the Falcon and the fact that from my experience
something always goes wrong on with the ship. That Solo and
Jade-Skywalker where fixing something before it gave out and that it
became a problem during the repair. Get your minds out of the lower
Levels."

Meanwhile from Bespin- General Lando Calrisian Friend to both the Solo
and Skywalker Families commented. " Boy you guys need to find
something about Luke now that he is married. Considering that both Han
and Mara are both pilots and have at one time or another been
Smugglers means they must know how to fix a ship. And the Falcon even
though she is fast still needs to be kept up. Cursing while working
on the Falcon is common place, since the access are small and the
wires are not labled or color coded for easy reading of them. Man you
people should find some other politicaians to spy on."

and from Coruscant Jedi Master Luke Skywalker's statement.

"Seeing that I am a War Hero and hold a Position of great prestige to
most, I understand your interest in my life. My wife knew going into
this that she was eventually going to get caught up in that fame. But
to insinuate that my wife helping her brother in law out with his
ship, since she does happen to fly on it from time to time, is in some
way an affair is absurd. Mara helping Han work on the Falcon is what
Family does for each other. If you think that the Falcon is worked on
by anyone other then Her Captian/Owner then you are not a pilot who
has to rely on your craft. The Falcon , while not a sleek as a Naboo
transport, may not look good, but she got it where it counts to keep
it where it counts requires the person who knows the set up to keep it
up. I am surprised that you find my wife and I's life so facinating
or in need of some spice since all we are is a normal couple."

Hope you enjoy.
ecks

In a very unusual move, one person has come out to denounce the
claims made by the Skywalker/Solo clan, and their friends.
A former friend of the family, Callista Ming has recently moved to
Coruscant under an assumed name. She had this comment for the story:

"Mara Jade is just an Imp whore. First she was the emperor's
handjob, now she's Skywalker's. I am surprised to see the Jedi
Master stooping so low as to marry that slut. I would not be
surprised in the least if she was with Solo. After all, we all know
how she 'get's around'."

Shortly after Miss Ming gave us her commentary, two people in all
black were seen coming out of her apartment. Apparently they did
not appreciate her comments, as first the apartment was firebombed,
then a massive detonation leveled the building. No one else was
hurt in the explosion, and no other property was damaged. Miss Ming
has recently returned from her home planet of Chad, after she heard
the news of the Master's bethrothal to Master Trader Jade.

MARA JADE SOLO SKYWALKER???

A hearty welcome back to all of our loyal readers. As you know, we
have been closed down for the past few weeks due to constant and
unsubstantiated claims of defamation of character by certain jedi
figures. The Intergalactic Enquire strives to bring its elite
readers only the truth in stories that citizens of the New Republic
have a right to know. We dedicate this latest news breaking story to
the unnamed Bothan who, due to his generous contributions, has made
it possible for our return to syndication.

An unnamed source affiliated with the Coruscant Hospital has
discovered an unlikely sibling pairing. DNA testing on blood samples
given in a recent blood drive, conclusively show Han Solo and Mara
Jade Skywalker share at least one parent. Hmm, a smuggler and an
Imperial assassin closely related. One has to wonder if Solo and
Jade were unaware of this knowledge, or if this was a carefully
orchestrated plan to marry into the most prominent governmental
family of the New Republic. Will Solo and Jade finally answer some
harmless questions the public deserve to ask, or will they once again
hide behind the courts and cry "foul".

Jayden

Organa-Solo Overthrows Regent, Elections Soon to Take Place

In an unprecidented move, former chief of state Leia Organa-Solo has
used her parlimentary powers, to push forth a vote of no-confidence
in chief of state Borsk Feyla's leadership. This move, only
happening twice before, the most recent being before the clone wars,
draws on some of the older law of the Republic, which was never
declared null and void.
Feyla, in an emotional display, characteristic of the firey bothan,
fought against this 'outrage' as he called it, asking if there was
someone who anyone thought could do his job better.
In a unanimous vote, the Council voted to oust Feyla. Organa-Solo
is to temporarily take his place, until elections will be held, in 2
weeks time.
Unfortunately, the bothan was unavailable for comment, as soon after
the senate meeting, he proceeded to the roof of the palace, where he
jumped to his death. Witnesses, namely Mara Jade Skywalker, and her
husband, say the bothan didn't even notice them, as he rushed to the
edge, and jumped.
He left behind no family, and only a note, saying he was sorry for
the problems he had caused the Organa-Solo/Skywalker family. He
also mentioned that his report of a famililal linkage between Jade
and Solo was fabricated, mentioning that it would be very difficult
to get a sample of either's blood for testing anyway.
This note was left unsigned in his apartment. The funeral will be
held Friday morning. Attendance is expected to be low.


Intergalactic Inquirer Issue 13
Classified Section
Wanted: Husband for a former imperial, Force strong, pregnant
assassin. Must be able to stand up for self, possess strong piloting
skills, and know how to take a punch . Experience in the trading
franchise a plus. Jedi Masters need not apply.