Chapter XXVII: THE PRICE OF LOVE
Cyrene and Eomer mounted up and left the city, riding calmly towards the camps set on the Pelennor Fields. Eomer stole a glance at Cyrene. A few days had passed since he had seen her last, but she was different. He had seen her in battle, fighting by his side with the Rohirrim, as a caring and strong leader of men. He had seen her playful and loving side, directed toward Eowyn and himself.
A small smile crept over his lips as he remembered her trying to adjust to being "just a female" when she arrived in Rohan. It had taken some effort from him and Eowyn to help her to accept the ways of the Rohirrim. But nevertheless, Cyrene had been true to herself and given them the finest friendship and loyalty imaginable, making their lives richer. He missed her amber eyes sparkling with mischief and laughter. For now, he saw only shadows in her eyes and lines of worry in her face. Before, she had been a girl, an adult by age, but nevertheless a girl. This Cyrene that rode by his side was a woman. An unhappy woman lost in her own thoughts.
Guilt settled in Cyrene's mind as she reviewed the past day. Eowyn had almost died and though she had survived she was still seriously hurt. Cyrene knew war was not a game. It could have cost her friend's life. And she would have borne the guilt for it upon her shoulders for the rest of her life.
After the battle, she had reviewed the ranks of the amazons. Luckily few had fallen on the battleground. Cyrene made sure that those who were injured were tended.
Still, the weight of the responsibility of the dead warriors under her command and the thought of Eowyn almost lost to a creature of Sauron were weighing hard on her. For the first time in her life, this was a burden she did not want to bear. The warrior wanted no more war.
'Life away from home has weakened your spirit,' she told herself. It was just too much death, too much pain, and her soul was torn between her duty and her selfish craving for Legolas. He was her escape from the obligations appointed to her. The Elf made her feel as if she was alone with him on earth and nothing else mattered as long as they were together.
And that thought brought another wave of guilt rushing over her. She was not allowed the luxury of love. Not yet, if ever.
Eomer respected her silence until they reached the small hill that oversaw the camping sites of the Army of the West.
"I have missed you, my friend. Are you well?" asked Eomer.
Cyrene gave him a slight smile. "Yes, Eomer. Now that I know that Eowyn will recover, I am well. And I have missed you too."
Eomer wondered if he should dare to ask her about the elf. He had seen them arrive together and after that morning in Helm's Deep he had known then that her feelings for Legolas were strong. Strong enough to make her yield at last to a male.
Though he hesitated to ask her, he had to know.
"Are you happy with Legolas, Cyrene?"
Cyrene did not answer right away. But as she did, he saw the love shining in her eyes. "He is the most amazing male I ever met."
Eomer felt his heart break, but he had to recognize he had known it since he had seen her in the elf's embrace. Legolas had won her heart, and, he would bet his crown, her body as well. He forced himself to be the friend she deserved.
"If you are happy, Cyrene, I am happy for you as well." He paused as new images entered his head. "Are you going to bind yourself to him?"
Cyrene looked into Eomer's face. She was not certain if she could speak freely. But she needed to talk and relieve her mind. Eomer was her friend.
"We have not discussed the future, Eomer. I do not know. But I will not return to the Amazons when the war is over."
The King rode another couple of feet before saying: "He cannot bind himself to a mortal, Cyrene"
Cyrene reined her horse to a stop. "Why do you say this, Eomer?"
He hesitated, but he had to tell her. She obviously did not know.
"He is an elf, immortal, only to be killed in battle. His natural life would last for thousands of years in eternal youth and beauty. If he bound himself to a mortal, he would give up his immortality."
Cyrene looked at Eomer with surprise and dawning realization. Legolas was an elf, a beautiful magical being born to live through the ages of the world. She was nothing more than a mortal woman. He should not have to sacrifice his immortality. Not for her.
Eomer regretted having told her the moment he saw the light in her amber eyes die. It was as a heavy weight had fallen upon her. He stretched his hand to touch her and Cyrene let him move his mount nearer to hers.
"Cyrene, I did not intend to hurt you." He said reaching across the narrow space between their horses to put an arm around her.
She let him hold her while the coldness of her crushed illusions seeped into her conscience. Imbecile of an inexperienced woman, she told herself. She should have known.
**************
Legolas paced inside Cyrene's tent, keenly aware of the amused looks of Gimli and Aella.
"Unless you settle down, Master elf, you will have dug a moat by yourself right here, " said the dwarf. He was in fine spirits, obviously the result of recent nights spent with Aella, the little Amazon.
Legolas looked at his friend and sighed. What in the name of Elbereth was amiss? He could feel it. Though he had never been this impatient. He felt restless and he needed to see Cyrene to ease his worries. He turned to see Gimli caressing Aella's hand while the Amazon leaned her head on the dwarf's shoulder. They were leading a discrete relationship, about which neither of them ever spoke. But it was clear to Legolas, and felt bittersweet.
The elf turned again and stepped out of the tent. He searched the landscape for any sign of Cyrene, and then he saw them. On a near hill. He recognized the armor and the horses of both Cyrene and Eomer of Rohan. The two were bound in a close embrace.
The sight of his Cyrene in the Rohirrim's arms hit Legolas like a blow. Something like a rush of hot blood flooded his senses. Jealousy? Legolas barely contained the urge to run to the pair and tear Cyrene away from Eomer's arms. Elves did not feel jealousy. He was shocked by the force of it.
Cyrene was his mate, and he was certain of her love and loyalty. But she had known Eomer before him and it was obvious that the horse lord was in love with her. And now he was King of her adoptive homeland.
Legolas turned around and walked back to the tent. He needed to regain some of his control.
**************
The Amazon Princess and the King of Rohan reached the camp and noticed that the Amazons were not camping by the Rohirrim but were instead situated in the camp of Aragorn and the Dúnedain.
The Amazon turned to Eomer. She had steeled herself and did not show any more of the storm raging inside of her.
"You know we are at your command, my brother. I will see you on the morrow."
Eomer smiled sadly. "I am sorry to have made you hurt, my sister. I will see you on the morrow."
Cyrene turned towards the camp of Aragorn, riding slowly once Eomer had left. She felt defeated, broken. She had trusted her heart to Legolas and lost in the bargain. Not because of him, but because of the impossibility of their relationship. He would give immortality up for her, she was sure of it. But Cyrene would not allow it. Never.
It was in that exact instant that she recognized that she loved him. More than life itself, because she did not bear to think of life after he was gone from her side. Legolas was life to her, but she would not be the cause of his death.
Stern resolution laced with unbearable pain took her. Cyrene had to send Legolas away from her. No matter the cost.
The princess left her horse by the other mounts and reached her tent walking slowly, beyond weary and discouraged, exhausted, and sad.
When she reached the camp, she saw Aella waiting for her by her tent. Aella's loyal friendship would make everything easier to overcome. The petite Amazon smiled at the sight of Cyrene.
"Are you going to rest now? We still have a few hours before sunrise."
Cyrene did not even attempt to smile back or answer the friendly question. "How are the wounded faring, Aella? And why are we camping by Aragorn's troops? We owe our allegiance to the Mark of Rohan and belong to King Eomer's Army now."
"The wounded are well, Mistress. And since our warriors are already nervous having to share space with so many males, they prefer to stay by the warriors they already know, the Dúnedain."
"I was not berating you the camping circumstances, Aella. I was only surprised. I will try to rest a while. You do that as well. There are still long and hard days before us," said Cyrene, rubbing her neck. "Are you sharing the tent with me tonight?"
Aella's smile spoke for itself. "I have guarded your tent to see if you had any commands for me this night. I am being expected elsewhere."
Cyrene felt even more miserable, though she was happy that her friend had found a mate.
"Give Gimli my best wishes that he may fare well in the next battles. And send him my fondest greetings. I will lay down now and see you at sunrise," said Cyrene, wearily walking into her tent.
Her feet felt like lead, and though she had not been newly injured, there was an obtuse pain radiating from her side wound. Aella was gone, so she would have to take care of it on her own. She removed her swords and the quiver from her back and set them next to her pallet.
Cyrene knelt down, wincing at the rub of her cuirass against the wound and managing to turn around on the ground and start unbuckling her armor. Her internal alarm went off, dulled by weariness, pain, and the worry that had taken over her mind since the battle.
But the moment his gentle hands settled over hers unbuckling the armor, she was struck with the force of his presence.
"You should be resting, Legolas. I am very happy that you survived the battle without harm," Cyrene managed to say; surrendering to his hands, as they efficiently helped her with the armor. She did not even try to conjure the will to resist. She would comply one last time.
"You are hurting and exhausted. I was worried. Would you let me see how the wound is faring?" Legolas asked, alarmed by her grimace as he unintentionally brushed the thick bandage over her side.
"I am not able to stop you, Legolas. Do whatever you wish," she said.
The dull tone of her voice worried him. Something was very, very wrong.
He tried to keep a light tone as he said, "Amaelamin, sadly I cannot do whatever I wish with you. But I trust I will, once we have bested this ordeal before us."
Cyrene was hurting, and it was not only her body. He sensed shadows in her mind and soul.
Cyrene managed to stand up again, and she turned to face him. She steeled herself and said, "Legolas, please … do not touch me anymore. I can't bear it." She moved away from him and continued, "You are the most gentle and wonderful being I ever met and I cannot believe you have chosen me to share your bed and your time. But I do not deserve you."
He did not move but listened to the unwelcome words coming from Cyrene. He wanted to hear all she had to say.
"Since you came into my life, you made all I have learned and believed in seem unimportant. I am not an Amazon; I don't know where I belong to any more. I have many duties to fulfill and you make me weak, make me loose my purpose."
Legolas knew that she was stubborn and could still not see that they were bound to each other. He had to make her understand.
"Cyrene, we belong together. We love each other, and love makes us stronger not weaker. You must understand this."
She forced herself not to give in to the impulse to forget her resolution and indulge in loving him and be loved. She had to drive him away.
"We don't belong together. You are an elf; I am an Amazon. I belong to my people and to Rohan. I cannot love you." The lie hurt her even more as she saw his face fill with pain and rage. He walked up to her and gripped her shoulders hard.
Legolas knew he must be hurting her, but he let the unbridled force of his jealousy and despair take control of him. He saw her in Eomer's embrace. And he couldn't bear it. "No, Cyrene. You don't belong to Eomer. You belong to me. And you love me. I know this and you are lying. Why?"
She forced her pride and fury to surface as she desperately sought for a way to drive him away."How dare you? I don't belong to any male. And I don't love you. Not now, not ever."
The elf's patience snapped, and he was driven by a rage he had never felt before. His voice was cold and dangerous as he hissed, "You lie. And I will prove this to you."
His mouth fell on hers with force and he claimed her lips while he molded her body to his.
For a fleeing moment she heard a voice in her head tell her that she should fight and break the hard embrace. But she wanted to be joined with him, even if it was for a last time.
Her arms locked around his neck, as he continued his onslaught on her body. But it was a gentle siege. Even in his fury, Legolas treated her with care.
She kissed him back, holding on fiercely, not wanting to let a single inch of space between them. She cursed the clothes that kept her from feeling his skin against hers.
His hands roamed over her body, shedding the remaining garments. He loved her, but now he had to prove that they belonged to another, and that she loved him. And he was desperate.
Cyrene was pulling his clothing from him as well. She wanted to feel him, be joined with the only love of her life, for one last time. Before they parted for good.
Legolas brought her to the makeshift bed, not breaking contact with her skin for a second. Cyrene's body responded to him like a finely tuned instrument in the hands its player. And she wanted him; her body already trembled with need as he set her on the pallet.
He kissed her again, while she pulled him desperately to her.
"Careful, you are hurt, beloved." He managed to whisper.
"I do not care if I hurt, Legolas ... I need you," Cyrene cried out, her fingers tangling in his hair as she pulled him back for a kiss.
Their tongues battled for possession as their hands wandered over each other's skin, seeking and finding the places that would bring them closer to glorious release Cyrene rolled her hips in a desperate attempt to join her body with Legolas, but he held himself away briefly, caressing her still for a long moment before he plunged deep inside of her, claiming her body as his own.
Cyrene cried out as Legolas drove her to her completion. She touched the stars, and somewhere in the depth of her mind she swore that no person would ever touch her this way again. Only Legolas. And then he let herself fall into the bliss of their joining and the sweet proximity of him.
Legolas reached his peak and felt his life seed flow into her body. He held her close, hoping he would never have to let go. Very softly he whispered into her ear.
"I love you and you love me, amaelamin. You are mine, forever."
***************
It was a pleasant awakening, Cyrene thought, feeling Legolas's heartbeat and chest under her cheek. She reveled in the sensations while reality pulled her back into its folds. They were in Gondor, and they were at war. And she had part from him. For good. For a moment she wished she had died on the field, instead of having to hurt him and drive him away. She reminded herself sternly that this parting would save his life, in the end.
Legolas felt her stir against his chest. He was stretched beside her, holding her close, indulging into the feeling of union and belonging that they could only achieve together, him and the incredible woman his heart had chosen.
Cyrene forced herself to sit slowly up in the makeshift bed while she gathered her courage and wits to do what had to be done.
Legolas could not repress a smile at the sight of Cyrene, sleepy still, her black hair falling wildly around her shoulders. He wished he could make the lines of worry and the dark shadows under her eyes go away.
"Is it sunrise yet, Legolas?" she asked.
"Nay, amaelamin. Not yet. But soon," he replied.
"Then you should leave now. Do not seek me, I beg you. Leave me be," she said firmly. She stood up and began dressing.
"Cyrene, you felt it too. We belong together. We made love," he said looking desperately into her face to see the love he knew she felt for him shining in her eyes. But he only saw stubbornness and regret. And then Legolas knew he had lost her.
Cyrene made an effort to give him, the one she would have died for, the last blow. To keep him alive.
"It was not love, Legolas. We mated. And we are comrades in arms, no more no less. Please leave," she said, and her heart broke once again as she saw the defeat in his beautiful face. She was the cause of his pain, but she would not be the cause of his death.
Legolas dressed and turned to leave the tent. He walked by her and his hand gently brushed her cheek.
"I shall bother you no more, Lady Cyrene. May the Gods protect you."
"May the Goddess be with you, Master Legolas," she whispered, as he walked out.
And then, alone, the Amazon Princess fell on her knees as if struck by lightning. Tears flooded her face and soundless cries escaped her lips. She broke beneath the force of the grief she felt. She wished the Goddess's mercy and longed to die. For without Legolas's love there was no life left for her.
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Author's Note on Chapter 27:
Yes, my beloved readers you keep this going (because without you Cyrene would have stayed in my head forever and ever!).
I do know that only the line of Elros had the choice of mortality or immortality and we know that Legolas would not loose his immortality if he stayed with Cyrene.But Eomer doesn't know all details on elven characteristics. Cyrene doesn't know about them at all.
And hey, if you were her, plagued by guilt-feelings and overwhelmed by what is happening to her and around her …. and having a gorgeous loving elf that would do anything for you …
Okay, I think you get the idea. I promise we will set Cyrene straight about the real possibilities with Legolas soon. We are not far from the end (couple of chapters), and I will definitely miss this story and your feedback.
Please bear with me and indulge my mistakes,
Love,
Claudia
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