Disclaimer: I do not own any of J.R.R. Tolkien's characters or settings, even if I love them as if they were my own. The idea and Cyrene are mine, only mine.
Immense thanks to my dear beta and all my friends that keep on bouncing the chapters and holding my hand through the hard labor of finishing this tale.
Without them and the generous and kind support of the readers I wouldn't have come this far.
Love and thanks,
C.
Chapter XXXIII: Decissions
It took Gimli and Legolas another day to reach the the Dor-en-Ernil mountains and the site overlooking the Gilrain river delta where they had camped almost a fortnight before.
Legolas had shed some of the resignation that had marked his demeanor since Morannon, strength returning to his every move and action. Gimli could almost see how t the elf was struggling with a millennia of his people's ancient knowledge and beliefs , searching for a way out, not wanting to give in to grief.
As they rode closer to the ocean, Legolas felt the call.
It was strong, persuasive, luring him to endless peace and spiritual solace.
The longing for Valinor was forceful, and made him think of just following the summons of the sea and forgetting everything in Middle Earth. This time, it was Gimli who set a small fire and prepared a small camp.
The elf stood on the highest vantage point, his eyes lost in the distance, letting the call of Valinor and his feelings for Cyrene and his beloved ones lead a relentless battle over him.
The dwarf waited for his friend to return until the deepest darkness surrounded them. Carefully, Gimli walked to where Legolas stood, like a marble statue, not having moved for hours. The dwarf did not speak to his friend, but seeing that the elf was well, silently turned on his heel and returned to the fire.
Legolas was trying to find answers he already knew. But he had to realize this on his own.
***
Cyrene knew that she was risking her horse's and her own safety riding in the dark. But she refused to stop. She could not.
Since Éomer had told her that Legolas was fading from grief and heartbreak, she did not care for anything else but reaching and speaking to him. She could not let the elf die, and if he did, she preferred to die at his side rather than continuing to live with the certainty that she could have saved him.
Éomer and Dumetar were accompanying the Amazons to Dol Amroth. They had helplessly watched Cyrene choose two mounts with light gear and leave in the deepest darkness of a moonless night, retracing the miles she had ridden by daylight.
Cyrene had parted from the Amazons and her Rohirrim friends the night before, and during the daylight hours she had been able to orientate herself riding towards the Dor-en-Ernil mountains.
Now, darkness had slowed down her pace, but she kept on riding, changing horses every few hours. Hopelessly, she followed the dark silhouette of the mountains and the smell and sound of the ocean. The Goddess help her, she had to find Legolas.
**
Legolas couldn't remember a night as long as this. Not only because of the deep darkness due to the new moon but because he felt lost and alone in the shadow of his own fears and feelings.
The ocean, infinite and soothing, the waves singing the ageless song of peace and forgetfulness, promised him succor and happiness. Immortal heaven, for the rest of his life.
Its sound and scent had already given him comfort and eased the grief and the pain.
It would be so easy to just give in to the call, follow his kin, fulfill his destiny. In the exact moment he let the balmy effect of the sea enter his soul, his heart pulled him back from its solace, reminding him of those he cherished the most.
Legolas could not leave Middle Earth behind. Too much, too dear and he wanted to enjoy it as long as it was given to him to experience: he had promised Gimli to show him Fangorn Forest and to go with him to the Glittering Caves; he wanted to see Aragorn bring Gondor to its former glory, he wished to see the small Hobbits finding happiness in their beloved Shire. And no matter the cost or the effort, he would woo Cyrene, the owner of his love, and show her that they were meant to be together.
Legolas knew that both would have to pay a dear price, for their match could not last forever, as she was mortal and he was immortal. But he also believed that their love could vanquish the odds against them, if they loved enough.
A sad smile settled upon his lips. Was it a wise choice? Trade eternal bliss and happiness for earthly discomfort … alongside friendship and love? Probably it was not any wiser than choosing a cup of water over his father's finest wine. But it was his choice and a risk he wanted to take.
The sun was tinting the horizon, lighting up the sea as Legolas acknowledged his chosen path.
He turned to walk back to the camp and tell Gimli his decision, but he could not move.
Twenty paces from him, waiting, stood Cyrene.
As the sunlight reached her, the metal of her armor gleamed. She was clad in her warrior attire, including her helmet, fully armed. She seemed to be waiting for him to notice her, for then she moved. Not saying a word, she took her labryss and her sword from her waist and set them on the ground.
Slowly, she removed her helmet, her armor and weapons, piece by piece, until she stood clad only in her tunic and boots. Then she walked up to where Legolas stood.
"I come to you as a simple mortal woman, to offer you my life and my love, Legolas. I beg your forgiveness, for not having been true to your friendship, trust and love," said Cyrene softly but firmly. Then she sighed and set one knee on the ground before the elf.
Legolas quickly took the Amazon by the shoulders and pulled her up.
"By the Valar, Cyrene, do not kneel!". For a moment he longed to embrace and kiss her, but there was still much to be said. "We are equals, brothers in arms, friends and lovers. You shall never bow to me, Amazon!"
Elven fingers stroked lightly over the soft, exposed skin of her upper arms. He had missed the feel of it, for ages it seemed to him. "I cherish you as my peer, my friend and ally, a respected warrior and an outstanding person."
Cyrene's eyes showed confusion. "Is that not what you wish from me? Is not submission what a male wants from a female? I … am willing to submit to you, and accept whatever this implies, Legolas. I would do anything to stay by your side, and I will never allow you to be heartbroken as long as I draw breath."
"You came to me because you thought I was dying of grief?" asked Legolas. He did not want her pity.
"Yes" she said. "But also because I can not bear to live apart from you, Legolas. If you die, I shall die as well. If you live, I shall live, by your side if you allow it."
His blue eyes searched in her face and found sincerity and fear. She feared his rejection. "I would have come to seek you, Cyrene, to the end of the world if need be. I would never abide your compliance or your allegiance to me. But I do not want or need your pity either. "
"I do not offer pity, Legolas. I offer you all I have. Myself and my love," she whispered.
"Your love?" he asked disbelievingly.
The Amazon straightened her stance. Lifting her head proudly she said: "I love you, Legolas of Mirkwood. And I shall love you for as long as the Goddess gives me life."
The elf felt his heart soar with happiness at her confession. "Then, we shall be together, beloved. As equals, as mates: the elf and the fierce and independent Amazon I fell in love with. Our bond shall be one of love and respect."
He saw understanding in her eyes, as she realized that he accepted her as she was, without submission, without sacrifice. But he also had to be sure that the Amazon understood that she had to accept him and his heritage of elven eternal life as well.
"Cyrene, are you willing to share your life with me, even if I will not age or wither but vow to stay with you all of your lifetime?"
"Yes, Legolas. For you make every day of my life worth living," Cyrene answered.
"Then may the Gods grant us a long time together, amaelamin, for I love you enough for many human lifetimes and more.
**
Aella sat in the gardens of the Houses of Healing, restless and unhappy, since they had no word yet either from Éomer nor from Cyrene or Gimli.
She felt useless, for not being able to intervene in the events. Waiting drove her insane.
But the small Amazon had found a good companion in the Lady of Rohan. Éowyn organized her time so that she was able to visit Aella as often as possible through the day. Not knowing if Éomer had reached Cyrene and if the Amazon had ridden after Legolas and Gimli and what the outcome of the encounter had been was filling both women with worry.
Aella's leg was improving, enough for her to be able to leave her bed and sit in the open. But as she spent hours brooding over the uncertainty and all possible scenarios of what could have happened with Cyrene, loneliness and depression took over her mind.The Amazon felt awkward and uneasy amongst the people of Gondor. And she missed Gimli terribly.
Which brought even more confusion and dread to her mind. What would become of them now?
They had fought alongside one another, and shared moments of pleasure and unbelievable tenderness. She had found a mate and a lover in the dwarf.. And she was aware that her feelings for him were deep and powerful, enough to frighten Aella. Now that the war was over, as well as Gimli's sworn journey to destroy the ring, what would happen?
She dared not to think about a future with him, and her own future was uncertain as yet. Aella had pledged herself to Cyrene, to stay with her in Middle Earth and be her companion for good.
Gimli would most probably return to Erebor, to his people and family and resume his life. They were from different races, different cultures and backgrounds. And they had never discussed any future at all. For the first time in her life, for a brief moment, Aella wished she wasn't an Amazon. That she knew how a woman or a female dwarf would behave and handle the situation. But as suddenly as the thought crossed her mind, it was also over. Aella was a woman of action, and regret did not suit her.
Still, she lifted her eyes to the evening sky and prayed to the moon, Artemis' symbol on Earth, to find a way to gain her heart back and move on with life.
***
Faramir was patiently learning to know and understand the way his betrothed thought and reacted. Having met her not so long ago, he already knew that his bride's determined and independent manner was as much a part of her as her bravery or gentle caring for those for whom she felt responsible.
In the past days, since Elessar's coronation, Minas Tirith had been boiling with activity and visitors. The King and the Steward were engaged in endless meetings and reception of both Gondorian citizens and envoys of neighboring lands to salute the new ruler of the White City. In fact, neither Aragorn nor Faramir had managed to set a foot outside the city in the last three days.
The Steward of Gondor felt trapped in the confines of the city. If it hadn't been for Eowyn's voluntary take over of the handling of the Hall and putting order upon the service personal, Faramir did not dare to imagine how they would have managed the chaos of people and organization.
Eowyn ran diligently through the Citadel, looking after the details of board and food for guests and inhabitants, easing quarrels and offering advice to the women in charge of the kitchen, upkeep and cleaning. This tireless, helpful side of Eowyn was the one Faramir had not expected to encounter, but then he still did not know much about his wife to be. And learning of her ways and character, little by little, observing her from afar, Faramir felt that the choice of his heart had been right: this was the woman he had always longed for.
***
A warrior to the bone, Aella's sleep was light. So, as the subtle sound of footsteps reached her ears, she carefully slid her hand beneath her pillow and her fingers closed over the hilt of a dagger. Though she was an ally and a guest in Minas Tirith, as long as Cyrene hadn't returned she was the only Amazon in the city.
When the careful sounds were near enough, Aella spun in her bed, tackling the source of the noise to the ground, and instinctively looking for the intruder's throat. The stranger rolled swiftly over her, managing to pin the Amazon under his weight and grabbing her arms.
Aella raised her knee swiftly to hit the attacker's groin, but again, she had forgotten that her dislocated leg allowed her only some movements, and a soft whimper escaped her lips at the pain and the impossibility of fulfilling the maneuver and dislodging the intruder.
"Easy, you are hurting yourself, silly woman!" she heard the male say and finally, she recognized him, wrestling now to free her arms to hold him close.
"If this is the welcome I can expect from you every time we are apart, I shall not let you out of my sight, Amazon," said Gimli, letting her arms go, once he was sure she had recognized him. But he choked on the fierce hug the small woman gave him once she was able to.
"I am very glad you returned, Gimli. I … missed you. Did Eomer find Cyrene? Did she talk to Legolas? Are both well?" asked Aella in one breath.
The dwarf rolled onto his back, to relieve Aella from his weight, pulling the little Amazon with him, so that her head rested on his broad chest. "Eomer reached Cyrene and she rode after us. But I think that Legolas had reflected on the matter as well and made his decision," he explained. Then he went silent, even if he knew that the woman was waiting for more.
"By the Goddess, you irritating male! What happened? Tell it all, I beg you!" requested Aella.
"Aaaaaaaah, feisty one. I missed you as well. You and your temper and your impossible demeanor, and your … well, I missed you very much, beloved. And what do you do when I return? You, of all people, attack me and try to mangle my body and …" he started rambling, but was interrupted as Aella sat up and softly set a finger on his lips.
"What did you say? Say it again, I beg you …" she told him, softly.
Gimli was surprised at her behavior. What had he said or done to upset her? "I told you that I missed your temper and your impossible demeanor and …"
"You called me "beloved". And you called me that before too. What does that mean to you?" she urged him.
He had been thinking about their relationship as well. About the fact that they hadn't exchanged any promises or words of love, they hadn't ever talked about a possible future and if they were going to be together after the war. Nothing at all.
"Beloved is an endearment exchanged between lovers and friends, Aella." He explained hesitantly. The light of joy in her eyes seemed to dim a little after his words, and she laid down, settling her head over his heart again.
"I understand, Gimli. Now tell me about Cyrene and Legolas," she said.
The dwarf sighed loudly. "What do you wish to hear, Amazon? We are lovers and friends. What else do you wish?"
She forced herself not to turn away from him. He was right, there was nothing bonding them beyond their tender lovemaking and a loyal friendship in which both knew they could entrust their lives upon the other. What did she want to hear?
"I don't know what I wish … forgive me," she replied and stubbornly kept her cheek on his chest, trying to focus on the steady heartbeat beneath the leather jerkin. It gave her the reassurance that he was with her, for as long as it lasted.
The serene, resigned tone of the woman's voice hurt Gimli. He was not ready to say or ask for promises yet. He wanted to know, but he dared not ask. Dwarves did not speak about feelings, they showed them with actions. Then something that Legolas had said to him in the Amazon camp came back to his mind. And he dared to tell Aella.
"Legolas told me once, that even if one might loose in the end, one should let the heart guide one's actions. That it was better than spending the rest of ones life wondering what it could have been like. My heart tells me that I want to keep you close as long as you would stay with me. What does your heart say, Aella?" Gimli asked and held his breath, waiting for her response.
"I feel that my heart lies with you, Gimli of the Dwarves. And I would like very much to stay with you and not have to wonder ," she said, smiling up at him. And their eyes exchanged silent promises, that both knew they would keep.
***
Years later
Legolas Greenleaf walked out of the house towards the cliff overlooking the Bay of Belfalas.
South Gondor was beautiful and wild, and in this place, and this place alone, the elf felt close to Valinor but still a part of Middle Earth and those he loved.
There was, strangely enough, a tree that grew on the rocky ground of the cliff's edge, and from that vantage point, the sight overlooking land and ocean was breathtaking.
But Legolas' eyes did not linger on the beautiful landscape before him, bathed as it was in the golden and red lights of the sunset, but sought someone that should be there, by the tree. And he was not disappointed.
The days he had been away had appeared like years to him, even decades. Now he had returned home.
He threaded his way lightly on the mossy ground. But she heard him nevertheless.
The elf always thought that beyond the abilities of a hunter and having a keen sense of hearing and sight, she could sense his approach. Smiling at the woman sitting on the ground, he knelt by her side, taking her in his arms and settling behind her, pulling her closer and fitting her back against his chest.
"I was not expecting your return, Legolas. Not for another week at least. Is all well in Ithilien?" asked Cyrene, sighing in pleasure as she felt her beloved's arms close around her.
"All is well in Minas Ithil. Faramir has agreed to give me permission and land for the elves that are not ready to cross but cannot remain in their cities anymore. And Eowyn sends her best greetings and begs for a visit as soon as possible. I told her that it could take many a week until you may come see her," he explained.
Cyrene smiled. "It may, indeed. But it also may be that it is sooner than expected. I do not believe that it will require very much longer."
"Is that so, amaelamin? Are you well?" asked Legolas anxiously.
"Indeed I am, beloved. Only impatient. Give me your hands," Cyrene said, and settled his long-fingered, nimble hands on her round, pregnant belly. As if by command, the babe began moving, and Legolas' sensitive fingers followed the movements and kicks of his unborn child.
The Amazon observed with delight the emotions crossing Legolas' face. As soon as he had found out about her pregnancy, he had been observing his wife with disbelief and amazement. The sole idea of having sired life, a new being created as a result of their love was still a wonder he did not dare to believe.
Cyrene closed her eyes and reveled in the moment, opening her eyes quickly again, unwilling to miss the spectacle unfurling before them. The sun had almost set, darkness was already closing in.
No matter how long the Goddess gave them together, Cyrene would never regret her choice. For as long as she could share her life with Legolas, she would revel in the sunshine of his love.
***
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