| "She didn't like me; she just thought she did." Is it the person...or the representation? |
| Recently, I was surfing the Web, and I came across a discussion board on self-esteem. On the board, many high-school girls were saying how much they didn't like themselves, mainly because of how boys viewed their physical attractiveness. Quite a few of them complained that they were fifteen or sixteen years of age yet had never had a boyfriend. It was as if having a boyfriend would represent their worthiness, their beauty--having a dude would affirm who they were. I thought it was so sad, because not being too far removed from high school, I understood what they were going through. I also knew that unless they learned to love themselves for who they were, it wouldn't change a whole lot after high school. College is full of the same kinds of people as in high school, just slightly older. Young fools tend to grow up to be old fools. I see people on television and in real life that are attracted to someone or even go as far as to date someone, not for who he/she is, but for what that person represents in their life. A lot of times, it's because they have something missing from their lives that they expect that other person to fill. Or they start a friendship with someone with a perception that does not match reality, and when that person fails this perception, it's disappointing for the person who had the perception, and constraining for the person who had the perception thrust upon them. Putting someone on a pedestal will strain a friendship and kill a relationship. Worst of all, many times it's putting a person in a position to fill a hole that only God can fill. Let me give you an example. I used to really like this one guy. I thought he was cool, interesting, and I felt comfortable around him. He was my "dream guy." I didn't see him as perfect, but in my eyes he was really close to it. The more I got to know him, the more that perception and reality did not match. My friends saw this, but I didn't. I figured out different ways to fit these flaws into my scheme of what he represented in my life. When he told me that he didn't like me back, I thought that it was all my fault, as if I wasn't good enough for Mr. Dream Guy. When he ignored me, I thought it was because it was something I did. We had decided to become friends, and through our year and a half friendship, we've been through more rough spots than Michigan has on its freeways and thoroughfares. He would even say that I expected too much out of him, yet I didn't understand what he was saying, it was like, "what are you talking about, after all, you're my dream guy!!" Lately, more situations have come my way, and God has finally gotten to me about what I had done and the reality of the situation. It is a painful thing, thinking that I've been deluding myself for a year and a half--almost all of my time in college so far. I didn't really like him; I just thought I did. When God breaks the pedestal you've put that person on (and He will, trust me), it can be a huge letdown. But do remember a few things: 1. Only God can fix the weaknesses in your life. 2. You have to learn to accept yourself for who you are in God...don't think that someone else telling you you're special will change the way you see yourself. 3. Make sure your foundation is strong like rock, and remember that if your foundation is in the Lord, then you cannot be shaken from it. (check out Matthew 7:24-27) The thing to always keep in mind in the world of dating and friendship is that you need to be real with the people you come in contact with, and you need to keep an open mind, and reflect on why you're really liking that person or why you're with the person you're with. |
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