| Stuck in Neutral: Why can't I get out of this? |
| Based on a true story: an 18-year old woman has just gotten out of an abusive dating relationship and is recovering, just for another man, a friend of hers, to reject her soon after, saying some things that negatively affect the way she sees herself. Add to that the fact that this situation is nothing new to her; she has been in the same cycle of negativity and pain since puberty. Imagine a year later, this same woman is angry and frustrated. She believes she has been wronged, and regrets every day that she hadn't told the men that hurt her what she really thought of them and what they had done. She finds herself becoming paranoid; she fears that the man that had rejected her a year before was now looking to date her friends. She knows that her feelings make no sense to her and she should be over this man, but she doesn't know what to do. She's stuck in a snowmound, and her wheels are spinning. Most, if not all people, have at least that one issue in life that is a weakness, that one thing that tends to cause problems and drama. The challenge is to figure out what the issue really is, face it, ask God for guidance, do what He says, learn from it, then leave it in the past. I know that sounds like a lot of steps, but it's really not. Let's go back to the woman spinning her wheels. God lets her know that her past issues with men are being manifested in the current situation with this man, and she needs to apologize, forgive, and move on with her life. She apologizes for the wrongs she sees that she has done, and she has forgiven those who had wronged her. This is a hard process of healing, but she makes it through. A side note: Forgiveness is a powerful thing. It is good to forgive others, because of the forgiveness Jesus shows us. How can we expect anyone to forgive us for our transgressions if we hold a grudge? Also, it is important to forgive yourself. Regret is a feeling that can gnaw at you for a long, long time. It makes you look back on the things you have done wrong, and not only think that you could've done these things differently, but it also makes you wish that certain situations never happened. We all make mistakes, but the trick is to learn from them, not just to mourn them. The woman believes she is over her past pain from other men, but she still has feelings for this particular man, and she wishes that she had been more assertive and stood up for herself and told him that she didn't agree with what he said about her. Right there, she has a choice. She can either continue to be angry at herself and have this regret on her heart, or forgive herself, learn from this mistake, and have closure. This story can apply to others in whole or in part. Your issue may be with "love," whether family, friend, or romantic, it could be an issue with finances, it could be an issue with skeletons in your closet or a deep, dark secret that's been haunting you for years. God doesn't allow us to go through problems to play with us; He has us go through things so we can gain character, learn lessons that He wants us to understand, and be prepared for the things He wants us to do and go through in the future, good as well as bad. The woman, by the way, finally chose to forgive herself, and that choice was the salt on her snowmound. She is now riding past it, the situation is now only a memory. Trust me, it's true, I know her. revised December 2003 |
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