Kim Ann, Sandra, and Angela looked up in surprise when Nick entered the room. Immediately, Sandra stood up and motioned to Kim Ann to do the same. Kim Ann stood up to follow her as Angela looked on helplessly.
"You don't have to leave on MY account," Nick joked, even though he DID want them to leave.
"Dishes," Sandra replied as she gathered up their plates and headed toward the kitchen.
"Oh, GOODY!" Kim Ann added sarcastically. She was pissed at being suddenly nominated for dish duty but she knew it was a necessary evil for Angela’s sake and saved the serious bitching for the kitchen.
When they were gone, Nick smiled at Angela and stood before her shifting his feet nervously. Should he sit down beside her or should he sit away from her? She didn't LOOK mad, but Nick knew he could never read women’s emotions very well.
Angela sat looking at his feet wondering, herself, what SHE should do. Should she just call it quits or should she convince him that she was worthy of his affections? She'd loved Kim Ann's "in line to the throne" comment, but she still didn't believe it. But…this was a once in a lifetime thing for her and she wasn't going to give up easily.
"You gonna sit down?" she asked, looking up into his eyes. Her heart fluttered as she held the eye contact but she managed to pat the couch beside her casually as if it were nothing.
Grateful for the invitation, Nick quickly sat down beside her. At the last moment of decision, he slipped his arm around her. "You don't mind, do you?" he asked, wiggling his hand in her face in order to lessen the serious nature of his action.
"No," Angela replied, giggling. "As long as you stop THAT!" She grabbed his hand and moved it away from her face.
"What, this?" Nick teased as he did it again, causing her to laugh harder. He had a knack for making girls laugh, and one of the things he liked about Angela's laugh was that it was REAL, not just something for his ego.
Angela went to grab his hand again and he moved it quickly. When she relaxed, he did it again, continuing the game until she became exasperated. "Will you QUIT?" she yelled out playfully.
"Okay! Okay!" Nick conceded, relenting the hand wiggling. Angela relaxed once again, but not completely. She craned her neck to look past Nick and into the dining room. "You don't think Tori will be mad that I'm just sitting here, do you?" She felt guilty that Kim Ann and Sandra were out there clearing the table alone and she didn't want Tori to think she was lazy.
"Nah," Nick replied. "You're with me." Tori would be ecstatic that he was with her. He could tell she approved of Angela - not that her approval mattered. But it was a definite change of pace. Tori had never been rude to his ex, Mandy, but she had also never been very receptive of her. Mandy had created that tension herself, though, second-guessing Tori's decisions in front of Nick and putting him on the spot to show Tori who was REALLY boss. He had hated being stand offish to Tori at times, but it was a matter of saving face in front of the girlfriend.
"I just don't want Tori to think I'm lazy or anything," Angela added, trying to keep the conversation going.
"My GOD, Angela!" Nick exclaimed. "You cooked the whole freakin' meal!" He squeezed her closer to him. "And I loved my mac and cheese, by the way," he cooed sweetly.
Angela beamed from the compliment. "YOUR mac and cheese?" she teased. "Tori asked me to make it for Brian."
Nick looked at her, stunned, almost believing her words until he saw her mischievous grin. "Don't you lie to me," he warned her as he pulled her face to his for a kiss. Their lips met softly, hesitantly, as if it were their first.
"Get a room!" Brian called out from the dining room.
"Get a life!" Nick hollered back before ignoring the audience again. "You know," he hinted. "I WOULDN"T mind seeing your room, Ange. You should give me a quick tour."
"Why do you want to see my room?" asked Angela.
"Well," answered Nick with the tone of a teenage girl, "there's no better way to tell more about someone than to see their room." In his own voice, he continued. "Well, that's what all the teeny mags say, anyway."
Angela gave Nick a bewildered look. "So you've made a habit of reading teen magazines?"
Realizing the trap he had put himself in, Nick back-pedaled. “Well, no, not me specifically. Well, I guess I have when I’m in ‘em. You know, they get a picture of you holding it or something.”
Angela laughed at the thought of Nick posing with a 16 magazine. “I guess I never really read teeny mags when I was little.” When the laughter faded, she could still see that Nick had no intention of forgetting the tour request. “My room?” She repeated. Why did he want to see her room?
Nick misinterpreted her question and looked at her oddly. "Not like THAT," he replied defensively.
Angela was embarrassed that he'd thought such a thing. "I didn't mean THAT, Nick!" she protested. "That's what YOU'D be thinking if I wanted to see YOUR room."
Nick laughed at the misunderstanding. "Nah, I'd be thinking 'Is it clean?'"
"Yeah," Angela agreed quickly. "So would I."
Nick gasped and shoved her away from him. "Is YOURS?" he demanded.
"Yes," Angela replied defiantly. She stood up and tugged at his shirt. "Let the tour begin."
Nick followed her but paused in the dining room doorway and adjusted his pants. "She's showin' me her ROOM," he announced to everyone cockily.
Angela laughed and dragged him away, ignoring the catcalls from the dining room. "You ASS!" she said loudly so everyone would hear and know it was totally innocent. As they headed up the stairs and closer to their destination, Angela's mind raced through a mental inventory of her room. Did she have anything incriminating lying about? Anything that would embarrass her? She couldn't think of anything specifically so she permitted Nick to walk in with her.
Nick stopped and surveyed the entire room slowly. "What? No computer?" he blurted out. Angela looked at him, surprised by the question, and he quickly realized his error. "I'm sorry! DUH! I know that," he said apologetically. He couldn't believe he'd brought the delicate subject up again. How could he be so stupid?
Angela shrugged. "Now I see why you guys have Tori to keep track of everything," she teased, covering for his thoughtlessness.
"Hey!" Nick argued back. "I REMEMBERED, I just forgot for a second." He moved to her bed, which was neatly made, and dove onto it. He lay there scoping out her room further, looking for some hint of another guy in her life that she might be hiding from him. "A-HA!" he thought, as his eyes fell upon a framed photo on her bookshelf. "Who's that?" he asked innocently.
"That," Angela replied, "is my brother." She picked up the photo and handed it to him, gingerly. She didn't like people handling her cherished photos, but she trusted Nick somewhat, and she didn't want him to know her she was neurotic about it.
Nick studied the photo, looking back and forth from Angela to her brother, comparing their features. "You…" he hesitated, but decided to finish his observation. "You looked a lot alike."
Angela smiled at the comparison. It had been so long since she'd heard someone say that. She used to get it all the time from her old teachers and friends, but back then she would deny it adamantly, taking offense to it. Now, she welcomed it.
Nick handed the photo back to her and searched the room again, trying to find another photo…one of her parents. Angela sensed what he was looking for and pointed to the nightstand beside him. "Oh," Nick said, embarrassed. "It coulda BIT me." He rolled over and gently picked up the frame with her whole family in it, squinting as he eyed everyone in it closely. "Is that you?" he asked. It HAD to be her, but he wanted to make sure.
"Yup," Angela replied. "I was thirteen when that was taken."
Nick smiled and looked up at her. "You were cute," he said. "And you look like your mom."
"Yeah," Angela agreed. "Dad used to tease her about having slept with the mailman because we didn't look like him at all."
Angela was smiling, but Nick could see her intense focus on the photo he was holding. He sat it back down onto the nightstand carefully and noticed an immediate relaxation in Angela's posture. It made him feel terrible to think about her loss, and he couldn't even begin to fathom what it must feel like. Looking into her eyes, he scooted over and patted on the bed beside him. "Can I just put my arms around you for a second?" he asked.
Angela's first inclination was to tell him to go to hell. It was always her first instinct when she felt like someone was taking pity on her, but the sincerity in his eyes calmed her and she lay down beside him.
Nick moved in closer to her, nudging her gently so he could snuggle behind her. He pulled her to him and nuzzled his face to hers, brushing his cheek softly back and forth on hers. After a moment of comfortable silence, he whispered, "Tell me something about you that nobody else knows." He wanted something, ANYTHING, about her to call his own.
The inquiry was totally unexpected and Angela lay silent as she tried to think of something that nobody else knew, something she could share in confidence.
"You don't want to?" Nick murmured to her. He didn't want to pressure her too much, but for some reason, it was overwhelmingly important to him.
"I'm thinking," Angela replied, hoping to buy some time. She WAS thinking - thinking hard. There was so much bad that she could share, but there was nothing good that came to mind. The whole desperate thought process through her closet full of secrets was painful, but she wanted to find something for him. "Okay, okay…I have it," she said when her mind locked in on the one thing she'd never mentioned to Sandra. "I didn't originally plan on taking computers as my major in college."
"Really?" Nick asked, trying to sound interested. He was a little let down with her less than dramatic answer, but decided to go with it. "What did you want to take?"
Angela hesitated. It was something she'd always kept to herself since the accident. God, if she'd have mentioned it to any of her caseworkers they would've had kittens over it - the "uselessness" of it all and what not. She smacked her lips nervously before answering. "Art." There, she said it.
"Art?" Nick repeated back to her. "Like, DRAWING kind of art?" He propped himself up so he could look into her eyes.
Angela was surprised that he seemed so genuinely interested. She'd expected him to laugh a little bit and tell her what a wonderful decision she'd made as an alternative. "Well, yeah," she replied. "Drawing, painting, designing - ART."
Nick's face broke into an enthusiastic grin and he eyed her suspiciously. "Are you messin' with me?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. "'Cause if you're messin' with me, I'll be pissed." Brian must've told her he liked to draw. She HAD to be frontin' just to look good. It wouldn't be the first time it had happened to him.
"No!" Angela shot back defensively. "You think it's stupid or somethin'?"
"No, no, no, no!" Nick assured her. "It's because I draw. I LOVE to draw. It's my passion."
Angela looked at him suspiciously this time, doubting HIS revelation. He had to be saying it just to make her feel better about such a ridiculous career choice. "I thought video games were your passion," she reminded him.
"Uh," Nick scoffed. "You CAN have more than one passion in life, Ange. I didn't know there was a passion limit."
"I didn't say there was a passion LIMIT,” Angela countered. “I just take "passion" to mean that you're totally serious about one special something, that's all."
"Obviously YOU weren't that passionate about it, either, then," Nick snipped back. "Computer Girl."
Angela giggled at his nickname for her, but didn't waiver from her opinion. "I WAS," she insisted. "I just stopped, I guess."
Nick rolled his eyes. "How do you just 'stop' being passionate about something you're passionate about?" He was convinced she was bullshitting him about the art interest. He would have to KILL Brian for discussing him with her. He hated it when girls pretended they were interested in stuff he was interested in just to trick him into thinking they had something in common.
Angela sighed, not wanting to get into a big explanation. “Something just changed," she said softly, hoping it would suffice.
Nick could see the sadness creep into her eyes and realized she was telling the truth. This WAS what he'd wanted from her. This was the something. "What changed, Ange?" he asked as he stroked her hair softly. "Tell me.”
Angela swallowed hard as she prepared to open her heart up to him. Oh, God, she didn't want to do it - it would change everything. It would let him IN, which would make her situation even more complicated. Up until now it was just a learning experience, a game of win or lose. Which would be worse? Risking a broken heart, or denying herself the chance to even know what it feels like at all?
Sensing her doubt, Nick leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, hoping the gesture would be enough to open her up. “Tell me, tell me, tell me,” he repeated over and over in his mind.
Angela sighed in defeat and looked away as she spoke. "I used to draw because I loved to put the things I loved on paper. It was like capturing a moment in space and time and making it my own." This had to sound stupid to him. What if he was laughing at her inside? She turned to look at him to see if she could tell what he was thinking and her eyes were met with nothing but warmth and compassion. He didn't say anything, though. He was waiting for her to finish her thought.
Angela looked away again, unable to look at him as she spoke. "After the accident, I just stopped. I guess…I guess it's because nothing in space and time was my own anymore. I mean, not only did I lose my family, but I lost my home, I lost my friends, and I lost my…” Angela choked up and cleared her throat but couldn't finish. She breathed deeply, trying to regain her composure, but it was racked with obvious emotion. Could someone like Nick Carter really understand that she'd lost her ability to love? Could anyone really understand such a deeply painful thing? Her eyes rested upon the picture of her family and tears trickled down her face. She laughed, bitterly, and sniffed. "God, Nick, I feel like I'm in a fucking therapy session. I mean, when is this going to go away? Look at me. It's been years and I still can't shake this shit." Nick lay motionless, except for an occasional squeeze of comfort and Angela continued. "I'm so tired of being held hostage by the accident and the feeling that it’s me against the world. And It’s so hard to get close to people because I don’t ever want to feel that kind of a loss again.”
Nick swallowed and blinked several times while trying to view things from her perspective, but the ongoing silence from him made Angela feel like she’d said too much. "I'm sorry. I don’t mean to act like this. But it happens every time I find someone that I really care about.” She held her breath after she’d said that. She hadn’t meant to say it, it had just slipped out in the conversation.
The corners of Nick's mouth turned up slightly as the thought of Angela caring about him warmed him, but he still stayed silent, unsure if she was finished or not. "I get so excited when someone wants to be with me, because I don't have my true family to share my life with -- but at the same time, I get so scared to get attached to anyone for fear they'll be taken away or leave me behind."
Nick reached around and gently pulled Angela’s face toward him so she could see him and Angela noticed he had tears in his eyes. He WANTED her to see them because he knew she needed to know he understood the best he could. It was all the reassurance she needed to let go, and she did. She cried long and hard as he held her tightly in complete silence.
After the crying subsided, she just lay in his arms quietly. Nick
contemplated the sensitive and mature situation he was finding himself
in.
His thoughts wandered to those of his own family and the families of
the
other guys, and he wondered, "How can I realistically show her that I
won't leave her, too?" Even though he was a relatively untouchable
celebrity on the road most of his life, he wanted to maintain his
connection with Angela long after they left Indiana. "There must be a
way."
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