High Tension

I really really want to like this movie. I just can't.

I will give it this - the killings were fucking sweet.

Here's the summary - college student Alex brings her friend Mary up to Alex's family's remote farmhouse for some quiet study time. From the mere fact that the house is miles from anything, you know right away that this won't end well. As for Marie, she's a tough-looking chick with a shaved head, and it's worth noting that at one point she watches Alex take a shower and then goes off and, hmm, how to say this politely...plays with her pussy.

So anyway, later that night, a scary guy in a truck shows up and kills Alex's parents and little brother in brutal fashion. The dad gets it first - he crams his head between the bars of the staircase railing and then decrapitates him with a big-ass bureau. Next comes Mom, who gets slashed to bits as she tries to call the French equivalent of 911 (which would probably just connect you with Inspector Clouseau anyway, so what's the point?). The little brother just gets blasted with a shotgun in the cornfield outside.

As this guy stomps around killing everybody, Marie has a few close calls - she's actually hiding in the closet while the guy hacks up Alex's mother. Oh yeah, when Marie comes out of the closet (insert immature giggle), we see the mom's severed hand, clutching the phone. Awesome.

The creepy guy throws Alex in his truck and takes off - but Marie has snuck into the back of the truck with her. They stop at a gas station, where Marie has another close call (it's getting retarded by now - and you'll see why).

Marie takes the newly-dead gas station attendant's Mustang and follows the guy in the truck again. Right about now, you think it's going to turn into a kick-ass revenge flick, and Marie is going to chop the guy's hands off and make him eat them.

Right about now you'd be wrong.

Marie catches up with them and after being run off the road, finally beats the guy to death with a piece of wood wrapped in barbed wire - but at the same time, we see the police watching the security video from the gas station - and it looks like Marie is the one who killed the attendant, not the creepy guy. So you're all like, what?

Meanwhile...Marie goes back to the van to free Alex...but Alex is all "get the hell away from me!" And Marie is all "But I'm your friend." And Alex is all "You killed my family!"

There's a flashback montage - but it's Marie, not the creepy guy, killing all the members of Alex's family.

And Alex is all "Stay away from me you crazy bitch!", then stabs Marie and splits.

As she's running, we see the creepy guy chasing her with a concrete saw (not a saw made of concrete, dumbass, it's a saw for cutting concrete). Then the person with the saw alternates between the creepy guy and Marie. Alex gets to the road, where she flags down a passing car - she hops in, and the guy in the car tries to gun it but the car stalls, of course.

Marie/creepy guy jumps on the hood of the car and saws through the windshield, then through the guy's skull - resulting in one of the most impressive blood-spraying scenes ever. I mean, Alex is totally soaked in blood - plus she's screaming the whole time, so even her teeth turn red.

Alex grabs a tire iron and somehow escapes from the car, but gets a chunk of glass in her ankle in the process. She starts dragging herself down the road away from Marie and her spinning blade of doom.

And then...and then...AND THEN...Marie catches up of course, and while she brings the saw down on Alex, starts screaming at her that Alex never loved her, thus proving the whole implied lesbian lust thing. Just as she's about to turn Alex into twins, Alex screams back that yes, yes, she does love Marie, and the saw stops. Marie kisses Alex (made even hotter by the open wounds and blood all over their faces), mumbling "Nothing will ever come between us". Alex runs Marie through with the tire iron.

Epilogue - a bandaged and scarred Marie is handcuffed in what appears to be a mental ward. Alex is on the other side of a one-way mirror, looking at her with pity. Marie lunges in Alex's direction. Cut to black.

Yeah. Ok, so one plus: the killings were good. And a minus: there were only four. As for logic - not a shred. I understand the whole twist thing, but there's a lot of shit that just doesn't make sense at all. For example, how did the car chase happen? And after Marie fights with the creepy guy - she comes back all cut up - did she do it to herself? And the whole gas station scene - where the creepy guy fills up and buys some stuff while Marie tries to elude him - they both seem to interact with the attendant, so how is this possible?? And then she hops into the back of the truck as it drives off again - so who's driving???

Another reason I just can't bring myself to like this movie is the fact that the Frenchie director apparently thought the best way to create a dark and suspenseful mood was to shoot the entire movie with absolutely no lighting. I'm serious - you can't tell what the hell is going on half the time. Very annoying.

From other comments I've read, people either love this movie or hate it. For me personally, the drawbacks and dumb stuff just take away too much from the killing and scares.

High Tension official site: High Tension

More info from IMDB: High Tension