Cousin Screwtape,

I admit that the situation is rather difficult. We are in a bad way here. The University has managed to infiltrate the anti-University in some of its most important strongholds. It was a sore loss to us when they began to develop the Developing a Christian Mind class. Now the University even threatens to reduce the anti-University's influence on chapel.

But did you really have to send quite so many reinforcements? I admit I was a little bit out of sorts yesterday after the Enemy's recent attack, but things are certainly not as bad as all that. I feel quite sure that Captain Shrakstone and his spirits will be useful for keeping things in order over the next few days and will be able to go back to the PCUSA in practically no time at all.

I want to take this moment to reassure you that we really do have things quite, quite in order. Nothing to worry about at DBU! The situation will be all in hand momentarily. No doubt to an amateur deceiver of organizations like yourself things appear to be quite dire here at DBU! But never forget, cousin, that I and not you am the spirit with a good head for Strategy.

Take, for instance, the suppression of the pro-life movement here at DBU through politics. I bring this up merely to show you how I really do have just about everything under control here at DBU.

Almost all of the DBU community voted for the pro-life candidate in the recent presidential elections. No doubt to a spirit without any serious training in Strategy this seems, at first glance, like a bad thing.

However, you know as well as I do that, in spite of all our noble efforts and the finest attempts of our scientists, we have not yet succeeded in actually creating anything (though Gloorbstroogle in R and D is rumored to be getting close). This is one of the reasons why a good thing which could be better is still our best defense against the good things which really are better. The other reason is that human psychology just begs us to trick them into ignoring the best things because things could be worse.

Now, almost all of the DBU community took the time to vote pro-life; many of these would be quite horrified that a Christian should vote pro-choice. Poor fools; they don't see that they are like millionaires who go to church and tithe in pennies. For we've managed to make sure that most of them ignore their local Crisis Pregnancy Center. If they really knew that the real tragedy is for a Christian to ignore the Crisis Pregnancy Center, they'd be amazed at their tremendous lack of good works.

You see the point, cousin Screwtape. We've set up the lesser good, voting pro-life, as a prophylaxis against the greater good. You and I would be most disappointed if the American judiciary, legislature, and executive office outlawed nearly all abortions on the same day. But you know how much more we fear the Crisis Pregnancy Centers. Where the temptation of America is concerned the Crisis Pregnancy Center has been the greatest societal thorn in our flesh since the Southern Christian Leadership Conference if not since the Christian abolitionist movement itself. These horrible foes of ours combine truth and justice with what they call love (curse all three!); they reduce the number of actual abortions with far more efficiency than most Christian or Republican political activism has, in the long run, showed.

Of course you are quite familiar with Drogsnoglet's work on the national level, deceiving millions of American Christians into pursuing political moves in Washington, D.C., as a solution to the abortion threat with so much more fervor than they pursue the more problematic efforts of helping out real live women in real live situations living next door. The rise of the Crisis Pregnancy Center in the last decade or two of Human Time has been quite a challenge to us, but I am sure that the problem will pass with some good Strategy.

That cursed seniors’ honors and service organization could be our biggest potential threat since Natalie Stilwell left us. They’ve been planning on helping out a crisis pregnancy center. At one point I had sent a lesser minion to disrupt the seniors’ communications. The only result was that they ended up resolving to help a crisis pregnancy center in Arlington instead of the one in Grand Prairie, and I had little Strogbland for dinner the next day.

But Strategy will win out at DBU.

Your hideous cousin,

The Prince of a City on a Hill,

Snorglak