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| Welcome to the Pirate Page This page will explore tales of the sea, privateers and a slew of swashbucklin' tales that will shiver ye timbers. |
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| This is Captain Bartholomew McSuspender. He was infamous for shivering many a timber and for intermitent swashbuckling. He began his career as a deckhand abord the Royal Navy's HMS Fellatio. In this picture Bartholomew is slaying Lackbeard, a bi-curious sternsman who would not accept a certain indecent proposal made by Bartholomew. Bartholomew offered $1 million dollars to sleep with Lackbeard's man-lover, and Lackbeard refused. In this picture, Lackbeard is lamenting the blood stain on his new pirate shirt, and is hoping that he is wearing clean underwear. It would be very embarrassing upon autopsy if he was not. |
| This is Captain Trenchfoot. This name was bestowed upon him on account of a rare foot disorder he acquired on the rice patties of Northern Italy as a child. This disorder essentially causes the foot to look like a post-birth placenta that has been put in a garborator and defacated on. It smelt of an early spring morning at the bovine incinerator. Captain Trenchfoot used his feet as a disciplinary mechanism to punish unruly sailors. Those who misbehaved would have to lick the trenchfoot clean and then snowball the discharge with a fellow offender. Captain Trenchfoot was also a homosexual. |