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3/14 - Duke Fans: Everyone is aware of my adimant hatred for Eagles fans. This is because of the idiotic arguments they bring to the table, I can understand where they come from because most of them come from areas semi-near Philladelphia. Naturally, Yankees fans follow closely behind Eagles fans simply because I think baseball is retarded. Topping the charts however are Duke fans. Duke fans represent the bottom of the barrel of sports fans. The only people who could compare would be people who route against the US in the Olympics and world competitions, and pedifiles. After conteplating for hours on why anyone in this area would like Duke, very few ideas came to mind. At first, I thought that people simply respected Coach K, but then I realized that there are many coaches who are far superior to Coach K, who excells as a recruiter but not much else. So I realized that people who say they like Duke because of Coach K coaching ability are retarded. I could coach a team to the Final Four with three All-Americans. Then I realized the truth: Coach K isnt even a good recruiter any more, he has skilled players knocking down his door to play at Duke. So that theory is completely out the window. Next, I thought maybe people used to live in or around North Carolina. Ask any Duke fan here, 99% have never even been there and most cant even find North Carolina on a map. Another popular comeback: "I have family there." Bullshit. I dont believe that for a second. That is a last resort retaliation once you have been called out. I was digging deep now. Maybe they like the offensive or defensive style of the team. Wrong again, Duke runs a very basic shooting offense and has little to no defensive scheme. Well fuck, this one has me stumped. Maybe they like the colors? Maybe they like the mascot? Or maybe they just like sticking large, girthy objects in their asshole, whos to say. Heres the truth about Duke fans: they are a stupid group of people afraid of intellectual confrontation. Rather than risk an argument based on basketball knowledge arise, they prefer to take the easy way out and say they back a team that will do good every year. And Duke will be good every year because high school players who want to get the National spotlight know where to go. Its kind of like the Yankees only without the money. Oh wait, its exactly like the Yankees because Duke can handily afford to disperse the NCAA allowable eight scholarships. Here is a typical conversation between a Duke fan and a fan of another school (ie MD):
Duke Fan: Uh, duh, Duke is good
MD Fan: I don't know, they do have chemistry but I don't see them making it past the regionals
DF: Duke is good, stupid head
MDF: Theyre bench is very shallow, if they run into foul trouble or face a very quick, break-based offense, they could have trouble
DF: No they wont, Duke is good
MDF: Their inside game is also weak. Backcourts win Championship games, frontcourts get you there
DF: Duke is really good, you are not
MDF: Duke also depends highly on the three pointer. An off night or fast covering defense could shut them down
DF: Where is Maryland? You suck
MDF: Maryland has been rebuilding with young talent recently, Williams will have them competative again soon
DF: No. You suck. Duke is good
MDF: Well, I have to go be intelligent and sleep with multiple hot girls at once
DF: Nuh uh, Maryland sucks
Of course, the Duke fan now feels like he has won the argument. And on their feeble mind, maybe they have. How do we handle this? Let them go, there is no sense in arguing with someone so void of intellectual capacity. Maybe someday they will meet someone as retarded as they are, possibly a Gonzaga fan (how the fuck did they get a 3 seed???) and find happiness in their empty meaningless life.
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