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3/21 - Alcohol in our lives: Alcohol makes people do stupid shit. Period. There is no other way to look at it. It is obvious that alcohal is a mind-altering drug that should be banned from our lives just like pot, heroin, coke, acid, etc. But think about where we would be without alcohol in our lives. We would have to make excuses for things besides being able to say "I was drunk." We would have to be more responsible, and nobody wants that. We would overall become a more productive and efficent society. Or would we? Just think about prohabition. Fuck that, the government needs to flood the streets with liquor. And give us pot too, it only makes sense, its not even a real drug. On the eve of my 21st birthday, Im ready to take on the responsibility that goes with the number. And as I will "carefully" celebrate my birth, I will keep in mind all the stupid things it could make me do. But then again, I will remember all the great things alcohol has given us. It made me look forward to eighth grade graduation; it made Brent fall on his face at the bowling alley; It made Justin steal the Bahder family mailbox multiple times; It made me puke out of the back of my Bronco the first week I could drive; It made Matt wonder what other kind of mind altering experiences there were; It made Droddy walk up to a cop with a backpack full of beer; It made Dave run through Slaughter Beach carrying a mailbox only to be chased by a car; It made Waldy the weiner dog run circles around the house; It made me crash into a field, no wait, that was pot; It made Eric become some sort of twisted pro wrestler; It made Dirty Mike try to sell me weed he didn't have; It made Skinny Mike crash my car into a fence; It made Justin punch out my dome light; It made Liz then proceed to spit on the remains of the smashed dome light; It made Ania drop her eight ball of coke in Royal Farms; It made Corey get fired twice and rehired twice monthly; It made Natalie dance on a dirty Delaware Bay beach; It made my head the victim of a bottle traveling at terminal velocity; It made Matt light himself on fire; It made Dan M into a dancing machine; It made and continues to make Dan cause rukus; It made me attempt to fight everyone I saw, armed only with a rake; It made my parents hate me for a brief period in high school; It made Bryan tear shrubbery out of the ground and throw them at passers-by; It made Kevin do that 16th beer bong; It made Ryan fight everyone he saw at homecoming; It made Ryan fight everyone he saw at Raven's stadium; It made my dad sneak the rest of his fifth of Crown Royal into Raven's Stadium even against the advice of numerous security guards; It made Porque push around a shopping cart full of beer around and some how not get in trouble; It made Brandy N smack me in the head numerous times to the point of brain damage; It made Chase keel over on the living room floor; It made Brandy B steal every bumper sticker in the Rehoboth area; It made me assist in the stealing of stickers; It made Dan G challenge me to a trash can toss; It made Stef show up late to work every day, and leave early; It made her roommate piss the bed; It made Ben walk miles just to get some vienna sausages; It made Katie wake up wondering whos car keys were in her hand and where she was; It made Dan G carry that open beer down Chicago street in Dewey, forever changing my life; It made Anthony wander around neighborhoods in Newark for hours inspite of excellent directions from a Pirate; It made twelve strangers congregate to topple a tree that had been mocking Vince; It made Berto force me to break the lock to our bathroom; It made Erin knock out a rugby player with a powerful right jab; It made Kurt fondle Brandy N; It made Rob walk down the streets of Hobart, Tasmania screaming at the top of his lungs like an animal and leaping walls in single bounds; It made Rich sit in the corner quietly, fascinated by an IPod; It made Matt H uncharacterisstically yell at people, including strippers; It made Dave N and Rob stalk me through a nature reserve in Australia with the intent of murdering me but instead end up running with kangaroos; It made Dana fall in love with Soco; It made Lindsey projectile vomit all over her Mattress and Rob; It made Dave N the goon master; It made Mike K ask for a light and then proceed to melt his face off; It made Vince run around campus (literally) at 3 am with enough alcohal in him to kill a horse; It made Chris turn bright red; It made Chase lock himself in my room and call every ex-girlfriend in his phonebook; It made Geno talk to the RA; It made Charles steal a fajita maker; It made Anthony throw me through the beer pong table inspite of lots of advice not to; and on Wednesday March 23, it may kill me. Here's to good times with good friends and many more to come. |
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