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11/14 - Defying all the laws of Physics: A few things before I get into it: first, it has come to my attention that this website really isnt based on things that I hate, just things that piss me off. Except Eagles fans, I really loathe them. I dont hate Asians, I dont hate people that use Facebook, etc. it just makes me upset. Next, I was thinking about ranting on Livestrong bracelets and their flamingly gay appeal to retarded people across the nation, but since it was uncovered that "a large portion of bracelets were sold without any of the money going to the Lance Armstrong foundation" I have decided that it is not even worth my time to try to degrade you. When FOX news comes out and explains why you are an idiot for buying a Livestrong bracelet on national TV, anything I can say pails in comparrison. Congratulations, you are a moron. So I have now decided to discuss something today that has been bothering me and should be told to the world. Around 2:00 AM Eastern Standard Time on Sunday the 14th of November in the year of our lord 2004, Anthony "flash" Carroll broke the laws of physics which govern over our universe. Let me set the story: after leaving a party and walking home, I saw I sweet road sign and decided to steal it. Usually, my only voice of reason, Anthony, would have said, "no Mark, you shouldnt steal that. something bad could happen." Instead, he decided to let me do my thing. So we continue to walk towards the Towers, going through the Pencader area. We pass a few people, but no one really cares. After climbing one set of stairs however, someone sees at us and says "hey". Very nonthreatening, but something in Anthony clicked. He tore off like Funnny Cide breaking the Gates at the Kentucky Derby and was gone. Naturally, I drop the sign and follow. We are heading towards a wall next to Pencader Commons 1 and I realize that I should probably take the stairs down. Anthony however has other thoughts. He runs full speed and clears the two, maybe three foot wall. Its at this point that he realizes it is about a fifteen foot shear drop to the earth. Now heres where it gets you: in mid-air, he is able to turn around 180 degrees, reach out far enough to grab the wall to slow his fall, and land on the ground with out dying or breaking any major body parts. He then continues to run faster than any human or land animal alive to Towers. I understand the fact that it is possible to fall 15 feet and not break any bones but what gets me is that he turned around in mid-air to grab the wall. So I estimated his initial launch velocity, angle of jump and used some basic free-falling physics equations to see if what happened was possible. It turns out that the fall takes less than a second. Now, unless he had a radial acceleration of at least 10 ft/sec squared, which is impossible to achieve in mid-air, this turn is imposable to exectue before hitting the ground. We are talking real Matrix shit here. Neo, eat your heart out. I have witnessed laws which hold this world together be broken by a drunk idiot college student. The apocolypse is upon us. |
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