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11/21 - The Whitetrash Eulogy: 1993 faded red Hyundi, 13 inch spinning plastic hubcaps, 1 working fog light, a wing big enough to stabalize an airplane attached to the trunk with wood screws, muffler that sounds loud because there are holes drilled into it, factory carboard speakers, "Road Gear" 50 watt amp driving a matching 10 inch subwoofer with the volume all the way with more distortion and crack than any normal ear can handle. ?This is the car of a generation. A generation of idiots who dont understand the first thing about cars. They see "the Fast and the Furious" and they think they need to make a "competition" car. Sorry bro, you live in Bumfuck Delaware and work at Wal-Mart. The closest your car is getting to competition is if painted it with a spongen and called it contemporary art. And yet they still try in a feeble attempt to throw together a resemblence of a real car. Everyone seen one, at least one. The loser white kid rolling down the street in his '96 Pontiac, speakers cracking to oblivion as he passes. Or the giant Mexican with an AOL cd hanging from the mirror and a wing on his car that was probably stolen from NASA. Or my personal favorite, the old black lady with an old mini-van and spinning hubcaps that her son bought for $8 a pop at K-Mart. It makes me want to vomit. I understand why people buy into this but like some hobbies, this one requires intelligence. Now heres what really gets me, and again I know everyone has seen this before: a POS car with no right to be on the road and a giant sticker on the front or back window that says "In Memory of John Doe, 1980 - 2002." This is how your honor your deceased friend? This is the best thing you can do so that the world remembers his presence? You buy a $5 sticker and slap it on your car thats net value is just shy of $1000? If I was this dead friend, I would be disgusted from beyond the grave. I would use everyone of my poltergiestic powers to haunt and scare this idiot. What a sad life. What does it tell you this dead person is worth to society when their life is summed up on a car that looks like this? Even on a nice car, one that may be worth tens of thousands of dollars, how can you attach a dead name to a car? It used to be where if someone passed away, you could dedicate a park, building, a bench, anything that is classical to them. Anything that represents something that can better our society. And now you are dedicating a shitty car in someones name? A car you spent about 2 hours screwing shit on to the picked up on a whim at Wal-Mart. Our society has gone to shit and you are the reason to blame. If your friend is anything like your car, maybe its better that theyre gone. I have decided to hook up my old Honda and dedicate it to all of you because you mean so much to me. |
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