Away Messages:
1. Around... - Oh really? Youre around? I could of swore the last time I talked to you, you were in space. Why do think I care if you are "around"? What consequence does you being around have on me? I now know which general direction to run in in case I need you presence immediatley. You cant stop your incredibly busy life for 10 seconds and think of something to say instead of "around"? I hope you are around, so I can throw a brick at you.
2. Class, Class, Lunch, Class .... be back around 4 - Ok, hold on, let me leave this window open for a minute so I can copy your schedule down and know where you are at any given second during the day. "It is currently 2:34:12, let me cross reference this schedule, oh, Johnny is eating lunch right now, that crazy cat." If you think anyone cares about your schedule to this extent, your ego needs to be brought down about eight nothces.
3. ... leave a message - telling someone to leave a message in your away message is like having your answering machine sending a signal across phone lines to everyone's house you know and saying very loudly over speaker phone that you are not at home, do not attempt to call. Whereas it should be saying, "I'm a moron, you should ransack my house now because I am so dumb.
4. ... leave me something nice to come back to - You have no friends. The only way people will talk to you is if you command them to.
5. Hot, wet, naked .... in the shower ;) - hey, remember when that was funny, when we were like 12 years old? Very few things in life make me as mad as when I see this. How retarded can you be? Thats like telling the chicken crossing the road joke, trying to take credit for inventing it, and then thinking you are cute for doing so. I have news for you, if you have ever had this as an away message, you are probably disgusting and hideous. Everyone who has read it has instantly vomitted. Oh wait, you have no friends and no one cares.
Profiles
1. Your name, phone number, address, etc - Why? Why would you provoke someone to stalk you? This boggles my mind. If someone is looking at your profile and they dont know who you are, chances are, that is for a reason. You are probably better off not including that in there. Wait, I was wrong, just because I saw your phone number, I am likely to call just to say Hi. And since I have recently discovered your name and address, expect some cookies in the mail ASAP.
2. Stupid quotes that involve one person - Everyone has seen these. "hey kelly, remember that time we were drunk and you said 'im so drunk i dont know where i am!' that was funny!" So, this is what you base your self upon? Something stupid that your friend said that has absolutely no meaning to anyone else whatsoever. Why dont you just talk to your friend, and say "hey, remember..." instead of trying to advertise to the masses of friends you dont have.
3. I heart my Gurls! -or- My Guys no where its at! - It is required that you advertise all relationships and friendship status over IM or else people get confused. "yo, is johnny still our boy?" "I dont know, quick, lets check his profile <click>, ok that was close, we're still cool." I dont understand. Doesnt the fact that you hang out with these people testiment enough to how you feel about them, does it need to be put in writing? I guess you just have something to prove.
4. Facebook me - Facebook is gay. Period.
5. Lovey dovey quotes - Again, I can feel my gag reflex kicking in. Trust me, we're all happy youve found someone who will except you for your pathetic existence. No, no wait, nobody cares.