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2/13 - Ways to Stay Healthy: Recently, people have been bitching about they are getting sick a lot. I guess a lot of people had some battles with the flu and what not over break. Even though people take more vitamins, supplements and shots to stay healthy, they still manage to get sick. So, being the nice and caring guy that I am, I will teach you easy ways to stay healthy for your entire life. Growing up, I didnt have a lot of modern amenities that rich people had, such as soap, hot water, sanitary dishes, good food supply, etc. My mom was raised in close to poverty conditions, and my dad was too consumed with work to care much for the family. Are family practices werent exactly that off upstanding society. If food fell on the floor, you ate no matter how long it was there. If you walk by a dumpster with a half eaten chicken, you finish that bad boy off. Bathing was a luxury usually saved as rewards. It may seem like a bad way to live, but my childhood disgustingness quickly turned my immune system into something only told of in stories. Early conditioning is the best way to learn things, just like if you teach a 2 year old Spanish, he'll be better at it than a 10 year old taught the same thing. By the time most kids were learning their ABC's, I was wallowing in enough filth to kill a small family. Now, when flu season rolls around, I walk around without a coat, and wet my hair before I go outside, while all the other suckers are waiting in line for flu shots. I took my flu shot a long time ago, in the form of a disease ridden hamburger I ate out of a trash can. "But Mark, you disgust me, I cant even look at you without dry heaving." Yeah, well when youre dying off at 60 years old from a little cold that quickly turned into a powerful pneumonia inside your weak body, I'll be walking around taking intravenous drugs from dirty needles and have no worries in the world. So if you are tired of getting sick every Winter, I have a few suggestions for you. Next time you are eating dinner, take your steak to the dirtiest corner of the room, and wipe the floor with it before you eat it. Stop with all the vitamins and let your chips fall where they may. You may get sick for a while, but soon, you to will have a immune system worthy of God himself. We were given our immune systems to battle disease, not to suppress with loads of vitamins and shit. And if you do get sick a lot, maybe the world is trying to tell you something. Stop fighting natural selection and take it like a man. |
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