Some out of the ordinary ideas and thoughts aboot overcomig shyness for shy men

If you have any questions please mail to saransk43@yahoo.es

If someone could publish this article it would be ideal.

If you find this useful, it would be nice if you told other shy people (Email…) about, even people you don`t know, so that they can overcome shyness too.

This document is made by an (ex) shy man who thinks with his right brain side and is meant also for this kind of shy men (thinking in unsure relationships, visually and totally unsuited for programming ). Shy men who think rather with the left side of their brain (programmers…) will probably regard the theses here as strange or not understand them. Perhaps it is useful for them to see how the other kind of shy men think and that they think differently. Tha part about strengthening the muscles of the base the body if you have a hollow back (where the picture of the exercises is) should be of use for them too.

Shy men believe in the following things:

Only self-confident and spontaneous people are happy, so I need to become self-confident and spontaneous too.

self-confident and spontaneous people don`t fear other men/women, so I need to overcome my fear of people as much as possible.

That is not correct like that.

Shy people are not spontaneous because they think a lot. Spontaneous people are spontaneous because they think very little. Shy people have a strong inner monologue, while spontaneous people just take all directly outside by talking with others and not with themselves.

self-confident and spontaneous people are normally not as happy as one would think .Or as they would think if they thought a bit about themselves, which is what shy men do a lot. If they think a t all, they think about the outside world.

They don`t know they are unhappy because they don`t think about themselves. They show it directly with their bodies/actions: being aggressive, treating people badly, always getting angry and shouting at people. Also their faces show it: they oftem look “angry” all the time, their lips point down, …

Self confident people are self confident because they tend to think in logical terms (left side oft the brain). They think in sure if-then constructions, like in a programming language. If the supermarket is closed, then I can`t buy anything now. That is a certain fact.

Shy people tend to think with the right side of their brains, in uncertain “relationships”. Those guys look strange towards me, so they may not like me. Shy people try to change this and say to themselves, no they surely think of something else. They try to think like self-confident people, but their brain is not made for that (one can practice it, to think in if-then terms, and it is very useful, but the normal thinking remains in uncertain relationships.) The fact of the matter is that those people could indeed not like him, it is very unlikely but it is not absolutely certain. That is hat self-confident people don`t understand about shy people (how can they doubt so much), but it would be good for them to try and think like that too, because they think they know everything for certain while most often things are not so sure.

What shy people do should admit is that they don` know why these guys are looking strangely at him. They should always doubt their assumptions.

Another misconception is that shy people have to do everything they can to overcome their fear of other people. That`s what shy people try all the time, but they remain unhappy and they normally don`t reduce their fear much. I also tried, like all other shy men, but I noticed that even if I did manage to face a fearful situation and “survive”, I wasn`t any happier with myself afterwards. The fact of the matter is that shy are intellectual people, so they think more than they feel. If they felt a lot of emotions while being without any fear (which would be the intended result of all these efforts to overcome fear, they would express emotions while they are alone, because then they certainly don`t have any fear at all. Homer Simpson surely would keep exressing himself spontaneously while alone. he wouldn`t start thinking about how he feels and about wether he is living is life the rigt way or what one should do in life to become a better person… he would watch tv and exress himself just as he does with other people around. Shy people think while they are alone and without fear. That means that they simply have less emotions because they are intellectual. The two main emotion they do have are fear and love. Without fear, they would mainly think all the time without feeling anything, without feeling alive, so overcoming fear is not the main problem.

They feel love too, a lot, especially for nice, lovely, very beautiful women that look like angels.

These women are very spontaneous and very fearful of men and extremely sensitive. So they are the perfect match for shy men. The more a man fears her, the less she fears him. Because she is extremely spontaneous and reacts to the emotions of the man. Contrary to shy men, she doesn`t fear sex, so she is often conquered sexually by spontaneous, self-confident men with high self worth, but they only hurt her (because she is so sensitive) and in the end she hates all men, remains alone and might even become overwheight to destroy her beauty and be left in peace by men.

Shy men often fall in love with these girls, but they sense that it just can`t work. And it doesn`t. But it shows that they would be the perfect match, because shy men get literally crazy about them.

Beautiful women need men with high self-worth, and shy people have a very low self-worth.

Because of unknown reasons, people are born with different degrees of self-worth.

Shy people often a very low self-worth level from birth, and it remains that very low for the rest of their lives. They think they are rather worthless, and they can repeat mantras like “I am good” I am ok.. . in their heads forever, that is not going to raise their self-worth.

Raising the self-worth level is the key for shy people to overcome syhness and to conquer the heart, not conquer sexually or conquer the will of the best women in the world, the angels. These are the women they deserve if they raise their self-worth. Not if they overcome their fear, because this doesn`t raise the self-worth.

To raise the self-worth you have to make an (big) effort/really strain yourself. Making an effort means doing something you don`t really like but would be very useful for you. But it needs consciuos effort. Shy people often have lower back problems. So their muscles in that area are to weak. An very useful effort would be to tense those muscles a lot. Nobody fears tensing their muscles, but if you are an intellectual, it is hard. Thinking is the strength of shy men, but it comes naturally, without any effort. And what comes for free is not worth nothing in the sense of raising the self worth.

To strengthen your base you have to strengthen the abdomen and (and this may sound silly) buttock muscles, for a rather long time (2 minutes at a time for like 2-3 hours or as much as you can without them trembling/pain) because they are made to be tensed all the time (they carry the body). I learned to make an effort the hard way when I almost had an herniated disk in my lower back. So the way to raise the self-worth is through acting, not thinking. The amount/the results of your acting are decisive.

I think that at the beginning it is more important to strengthen the abdomen muscles, and later, once those are stronger, the buttock muscles. It might depend of the person, so you might have to test it.

To do this you lay down on the floor, knees flexed, and tense the abdomen muscles. It is not about reaching your knees with the head a 100 times, because that is done rather with the impulse than with the tensing of the muscles, especially if your abdomen muscles are weak. The important thing is to tense them as long as possible without them trembling/hurting. I started by just tensing them, without lifting the head because my muscles were so weak. If you do can lift the head, I think it is better to "reach" towards the ceiling than towards the knees.

So you could for example tense these muscles (or just the abdomen to begin with) 1-2 minutes at a time for 1-2 hours a day to begin with (spread throughout the day). It is important to do this as regularly as possible so the muscles get used to the effort. If you do too much (especially too much at one time without taking a break) , you might get lower back pain, because the muscles in the lower back are already too tense (it is them who have to carry with most of the weight of the body because of the weakness of the other muscles) and they get tensed a bit too if you tense your abdomen/ass muscles. It goes away if you take a break.

 To tense the buttock muscles you lay down, knees flexed too, and just tense those muscles, as if fighting against gravity, so that they "rise" a bit. This is the hardest part, because the results come very slowly, but it is very important. Strong abdomen muscles alone are not enough. The ass muscles are the very base, and without them strong, you will still have your hollow back, even if not as bad as without strong abdomen muscles. Not many people think of tensing those muscles, because normal people have them naturally strong. 

For the abdomen muscles you can lift your head, but the important thing is to tense the muscles as long as you can (even with the head on the floor), not the amount of times you lift your head

To tense the buttock muscles just lay down like this (not necessarily with your arms behind your head) and tense these muscles as long as you can

 To "survive" this, you can make a playlist and listen to music (and you will know how long you have done it). Once they are stronger, you can also read/study while doing this. You can also tense them while sitting (especially the buttock muscles, again like fighting against gravity/the weight of the body).

 It is important to tense them as much as you can as long as possible in a short time interval so you see the results relatively quickly (shy people are impatient in the material world). Not only you will in time notice your base getting stronger and more stable physically, you will also feel more stable inside and most of all your self-worth will rise a lot. 

Once this is no effort no more (you get used to it) your self worth will not rise any more, but you need to keep doing it (not for so long) to avoid the muscles getting weak again, which is their natural tendency if you have a hollow back.  

You need to really think what you could do with great effort because shy men normally just don`t have that kind of ideas. I saw my lower back problems but it never ocurred to me that what I needed was to strenghthen the muscles a a lot.

Once you got your lower back more or less right you are going to feel certainly better but you need to keep tensing the muscles because if not you loose them again ,because your natural tendency is to have weak muscles in that area. But that is not straining no more once you got used to it, so if you want to raise your self worth more, you need to do that and more.

Think what you would be proud to tell an angel-girl you are doing to be a better man/to help the world (just in your imagination). If it feels right, then go and do it.

Don`t work like a madman to buy a Ferrari. Work like a madman to help other people/the world/your body. Work hard and donate the money to a cause you believe in. Think: what would an angel girl expect from me? A Ferrari (she si going to earn much more money than you anyway because she can function much better in the outside world) to brag or me with more self-worth and feeling better about myself and feeling that I deserve her love?

Work a lot fast to see the results fast. The motives of the effort are decisive. Shy men make efforts normally out of fear (working hard because of fear of the boss, studying a lot out of fear of bad grades…) and that does not raise the self-worth.

If you care for the environment, then go and write 50 letters to congressmen about it, post your (probably brilliant) thoughts in forums, send mails to people who might need more awareness in that area. Send 100 mails, post in 50 forums, and so on. It is important to be able to see the results of your acting as a motivation. Give a mail address to see the responses to your doing. If one politician answers, then it was worth for the world writing 100 letters. If no one answers it was worth for you but you might need to think of abetter way to achieve results or just be more persistent, it depends. The key is the amount of effort and the result. You need to think (logically) what action might bring the best results. You don`t need to talk to anyone or overcome any fear. Talking is the strength of spontaneous men, your strength is thinking. The better you think (and that means more logical thinking because the outside world works in logical terms) the less you need to do for good results. Bad thinking; my letter needs to be perfect before I send it. And then you send it to just 5 people, Right (logical) thinking: if I waste too much time writing the perfect letter, then I can send it to less people. The more people I reach, the more likely it is that something will come out of it. So better a ok letter to 100 people than a perfect letter to 5 people.

Don`t stop acting because some people don`t undertsand you/attack you. They are aggressive because the don`t understand you and you are safe because you can remain anonymous. Some fear is even good to strenghten the basis of the body(the muscles). You litterally feel them tensing automatically when you have this kind of animalic run away-fear.

What shy men normally have is nervousness, not fear, which arises because they are overwhelmed/stressed by the outside world they can`t cope that well with (because they are so intellectual) or because they are not satisfied with their lives (like inner anger). If you sleep less and don’t move /run much, your head will ba more clear to act not to think so much and you will use your nervousness as normal energy instead of having it inside as nuisance.

With a strong base, you feel literally more stable. And I noticed that girls started to like me automatically because they sensed that I had a rather high self worth. And you sense that you deserve their appreciation, contrary as being in love where you sense that it just can`t work.

Shy men would be liked by most girls if their base, their self-worth would be higher. That is the most important thing. And if you are kind, gentle, friendly on top of that, they like you a lot.

Shy men are among the few men who really love girls with their hearts, they don`t just want ot have sex with them. If they played with them (ping pong is the best), they would notice that they become happier and show it almost immediately. It is hard to believe if you have never seen it, but it works. They are happy because they don`t feel sexually sought after but feel again like a little girl playing with her father (the one and normally only man who loves them from the heart and not sexually). To watch this is the best thing a shy man can ever watch, that a girl is happy again because of him. Shy man are not made to express emotions, they are made to be the cause of emotions in spontaneous angel-girls and to watch them and feel happy too but inside.

What shy people have to overcome to make an effort is that inner voice that tells them, I have tried everything, only stupid sport jocks have muscles, I don’t need them , I am intelligent…

But they are not intelligent in the logical if-then-world. If my muscles are so weak that they can`t carry my body properly then I should strengthen them, but only at the base of the body to begin with. If I strengthen my arms, which looks nice, the poor lower back muscles would be under even greater strain. This is the sort of logical thinking they should learn.

And if their muscles are ok, they should look at other areas in their lives where it would be worth to make an effort. An effort costs something (strain) and it comes with a reward (more self worth).

Self worth is so important because women have a natural feeling for the self worth of a man. The more beautiful the women, the more self worth a man has to have. Women need men who are prepared to make an effort for them. Shy people have a hard time making an effort, so they need the best motivation in the world to make an effort: the angel-girls.

Spontaenous self confident people often make huge efforts to be rich/famous/powerful but they remain unhappy because the (ever more) ideal partner is the key to happiness.

It is important to separate oneself in time from one`s partner (even from an angel girl)

Because every love is a hate-love, and partners hurt themselves (often without any mean intention) and slowly love themselves less and less. It is better to separate oneself too soon than too late. Too soon and you are sad an d remain friends and can look for another partner who fits you better, too late and you hate each other.

Angel-girls are made for fearful, intellectual men with high self-worth, but these are so rare that they often remain alone or with the wrong partner.

Having the right partner is absolutely crucial for experiencing satisfaction/happiness in life.

Children are happy because they live with the ideal partner for their age, their mother or father. Later on one has to strive for the ideal partner, of course starting rather small. The problem is that shy men are often with substitute-mothers. These women like shy men because they remind them of children and they love them actively (they embrace and the shy man is embraced). The strength of shy men is to love actively from the heart (to embrace without kissing) so they are very often with the wrong partner or alone.

That is the only reason why spontaneous, self-confident people might be happier than shy men, because they have a partner that matches them better.

It is certainly clear that a shy man cannot go for an angel girl immediately (shy men are often impatient when it comes to interact with the material world, so they want strong lower back muscles immediately instead of doing as much as they can for a rather long time. They think it is not worth it. But if they don`t try it for along time, they can`t know wether it would work or not (logical thinking). They try to overcome their fear of people for all their lives even if it is clear that it doesn`t really work and that they are not happier with it. They are convinced that this is the way even though it plainly isn`t.

The fear hey do should face a little is their fear of the world, they prefer to remain at home (often with their mothers) forever instead of getting out a bit and be able to function more or less normally in the world. They can`t overcome it much because they are not made for the material world (they are made for the intellectual world), they can never become entrepreneurs, for example. And they don`t have to overcome it that much because the angel-girls are very suited to succeed in the world of work etc.

What they need the most is to raise their self-worth so that one of these girls wants to open her heart to him.

Shy people suffer a lot from separations (from people they love or places they love, like the home town) because they have such a big heart. Sadness accumulates in them, often without them noticing . They might become really depressed, tired all the time and take prozac. This is precisely the wrong way, because antidepressants give you a kind of artificial “happiness”, rather like being high, without any effort. The key , in this one case, is to express sadness (another emotion shy people do have). To be depressed is not to express sadness, it is to be sad. To express sadness is to cry. If you are very sad, you need to cry a lot, and if you haven`t cried for a lot time, you need to cry a whole lot.

One needs to look in one´s life for events that might have caused sadness (separations). Even if it is something that happened 10 years ago it still can make you sad, especially if you don`t cry often about it. If you leave your home town you loved above anything in the world, then nothing (except returning) can remove this cause of sadness. You can only take it take it out, express it, but with time it will come again and you need to cry again. Crying relieves a lot and can reduce the accumulation of sadness because of a given event. Even if you are with the ideal partner, you are still going to be sad at times because e.g. your beloved grandmother is sick. No angel in the world can remove the cause for this sadness. But if you cry regularly, you can feel happy anyway because the sadness inside remains at a low level. Some sadness inside is necessary to feel compassion to fellow persons.

To cry you need to look at the thing that makes you sad. One should make a list of all separations (of people and places you love and don`t see regularly). If it is your sick grandmother (you have to test different things and see what makes you cry) then visualize her in all her suffering or listen to a song of your childhood when you where at your grandmothers (sad songs are especially good to cry,, like ”The sound of silence”). If you miss your home town, look at a video of your street, your old home, … This is needed because you need to reach out for your subconsciuos in order to cry, you just can`t make it happen with your consciuos will alone.

Shy men should cry alone because they don`t need the compassion of anyone. They are made to offer compassion for other people, especially sad women (embrace them without kissing when they cry).

So the key to “overcome” shyness is to make a very big effort in some area where you should to raise your self-worth, to be prepared to cry a lot, and above all to go for it when you meet an angel, but only if you have enough self worth that she wants to open her heart to you ( be careful because they are very sensitive and fragile).

To conquer the heart (and not conquer sexually or subdue her will) of one of these angel-girls should be the aim of shy men. They start other relationships, need to know when to separate to avoid hate and remain friends and above all they need to make a very big effort/strain (not “overcoming” one of their few emotions, fear) to raise their low self worth. Angels like this need rather fearful, intellectual men with a high self-worth.

Don`t forget, if you don`t act (now), nothing will happen and you will remain dissatisfied with your life.

If you have any questions please mail to saransk43@yahoo.es

If you could publish this Article it would be ideal.

If you find this useful, it would be nice if you told other shy people (Email…) about, even people you don`t know, so that they can overcome shyness too.