Book 48-The Return Fact:  we aren't like other kids.  We were once.  But never again.  After a certain point, you just can't go back to where you started. Even if you want to.  Which I have to admit--I don't. --Rachel My deep dark secret was like an elephant in the living room.  A big purple one with polka dots.  Nobody talked about it.  But everyone knew it was there.  The secret was that whatever we'd been doing, I did like it.  And the good guys aren't supposed to like it. --Rachel Jake wasn't a whining coward at heart, like Marco.  Jake wasn't overemotional like Cassie.  He wasn't withdrawn and passive like Tobias, or a blindly faithful follower like Ax.  Jake was like me.  Strong, brave, and aggressive. --Rachel Would Cassie sacrifice herself to save the entire planet?  Yes.  Without a second thought.  Would she sacrifice Jake?  I didn't know.  Would she sacrifice me to nothlit status to save Jake?  I didn't know that either. --Rachel I was going to lose to killer Jell-O. --Rachel I tried!  I tried to push it away!  But the truth was, I didn't want it to go away.  I wanted my anger.  I wanted my hate.  It was the source of my strength.  And then...miraculously...I stood and spread my arms wide.  I was Rachel.  I was back.  And for the moment, I was really free. I'd been protecting her.  Them.  Jake.  Cassie.  Tobias.  Even Marco and Ax. Helping to protect their innocence.  Letting them see themselves as the good guys.  It was a symbiotic relationship.  Or co-dependent, whatever. They needed me to be the bad guy.  And I needed them to be the good guys.  See, if they were the good guys, and I was on their team, then that automatically made me a good guy, too.  Even if I was different. --Rachel